Ep.135 Mike Moor (Mindset Coach)
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Unknown Speaker 0:40
Hey guys, welcome back to sex and violence with rebel girl presented by UFC fight pass the show that interviews top level MMA fighters and other experts in their fields about love, dating, romance, and that all too taboo subject sex. I'm your host, Ashley, rebel girl Evans-Smith. Now let's talk about sex and violence.
Unknown Speaker 1:13
What's happening hot stuff. What's up guys? Ashley back in studio with you. I'm very, very excited about today's guest. But like always, let me tell you what I have going on. Maybe you guys want to check out the same events. Tomorrow, march 25 is up next six at the Commerce Casino. And it's 80s night I'm really excited because I've been doing in cage and cage side interviews. They're actually moving me to commentary as well. And there is a very special collaboration event. We've actually worked with stop bad meds. It's a very cool PSA that brings awareness to the fact that there's fake pharmaceutical drugs being sold online. And if you go to this event, you're gonna see a lot of people there to support this cause actually, Danny Trejo is headlining the cause he's are spearheading the cause. And so it's very cool. He actually signed a jacket of mine and we will be raffling it off at the event tomorrow night at the Commerce Casino. And that goes to a good cause. 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After two years and an incredibly long injury layoff, I really need to prioritize. So I've said this before, I'm not sure if I'm going to pull back on the number of podcasts that we do, but I will be cranking them out regardless whether it's for a month or two a month or or one a month. It will depend on how busy I get in the next few months with fightcamp. So keep that in mind, guys. Until the next podcast, you can support us by checking out some of our websites. My exclusive fan site is Ashley rebel girl.com. And you can check out some photos and pictures and videos on there. It's kind of like only fans, but better. It's called Fan time. And if you want to support the show by going to our website, that's sex violence with rebel girl.com You can buy some merchandise. We've got t shirts, hats, phone cases, all the stuff on there. And lastly, if you want to email us that sex and violence podcast@gmail.com You can send guests suggestions or stories. 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Today's guest is a senior mindset coach. He served seven years in the FBI and as a certified crisis negotiator. He's become the premier mindset coach to hundreds of top ranked athletes and teams in professional sports, high school sports and college. He's been featured speaker for 150 Plus coaching clinics, universities and businesses he's been he observed he was a NCAA division one wrestler head wrestling coach at war Training Center from 2013 to 22. And coached 100 plus state plaisirs 50 plus all Americans and nine national champions who What about what a roster. He created wrestling mindset a wrestling specific mindset training system that works with over 4000 athlete athletes a year across 20 Plus sports amazing. He's been recognized by ESPN, UFC, the Joe Rogan podcast the Ariel Helwani MMA show, and today we talk about mindset coach versus sports psychologist, the power of the reset button, controlling thinking feeling then performance benefits of emotional control the art of overthinking and doubt surrendering the outcome. focus solely on performance, win more minutes win more moments, faith based athletes finding your why mental elevator going up or going down and much more. Here's your guest, mindset Mike.
Unknown Speaker 8:49
Right mindset Mike, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Yeah, thank you for joining us. Let's just jump right into it. Because as we talked about prior to this conversation, sometimes people ask you to come on for a second show. Let's jump right in. So hopefully we don't have have to have you back on. Okay. Okay. All right. Good. So without, you know, taking up half the episode, because I'm sure your background is super crazy and interesting. How did you become a mindset coach? You know, you were an FBI agent.
Unknown Speaker 9:23
To get a specialist. Got it. I'll explain what that is too.
Unknown Speaker 9:26
Okay. And crisis, certified crisis negotiator, turn mindset coach. So that in itself just sounds so interesting. How did you get to be where you're at right now?
Unknown Speaker 9:36
Yeah. So long story short, I wrestled my whole life. I grew up on the East Coast. I guess you can call me you know, your your typical New York Italian, and, you know, wrestled all the way through a top 10 division one school and college. So I graduated I was in the FBI did a lot of really great things. You name some of them, you know, investigative specialists. There's there's three types of people in the bureau that carry a badge. FBI police FBI agents and FBI investigative specialists essentially let it national security surveillance. It's follow bad guys around and they never do those things for. So it was very cool. That gave me a lot of experience as well. As you know, I have some auxilary duties like a commercial theater crisis negotiator. These skills in my experience led me to, when I transferred from DC to Houston, I opened up a wrestling Academy. And in the second year, we were doing so well, we had 13 kids in our academy, make the state finals in Texas, nine should have one, but five kind of does ship the bed. And, you know, for me, I was a Criminology major psychology minor. Spent a lot of time in behavioral science. When I was in the bureau, I was a certified behavioral science researcher did a whole bunch of stuff. And I knew I gave the right advice. I knew that they were well trained. Why did five of those kids just not perform? And I just as a coach, I'm thinking to myself, you know, ultimately, people pay me as a club coach to win, right? Yes, they want me to mentor their kid develop all the stuff, but to pay me to win, I would have bet my house that those kids would have won those matches, and they didn't and, and I thought to myself, so what am I missing? This is back in 2013. And I saw resources for the wrestlers at the time. And I found a company that was just starting called wrestling mindset. And they were a program that was for wrestlers, by wrestlers. And it was a wrestling specific mental training. And that was where the kids did not perform, they were given the right advice. This is what showed up. This is how good they were. This is how good they can eat it. And that that was a performance thing that I got an advice that I gave, I didn't know what else I could do. So I've utilized the CRO the company that I now work as a director and as a client, I hired them to work with my club team. And we saw such drastic results. And they saw that, you know, for me, I really was able to understand the material that they said, Hey, do you want us to train you to do what we do? It seems like to do a good job. You're you understand our material clubs very successful, would you like to join forces. So that was 2014. Again, I started sort of coaching for them. I had success with immediately realize it really liked it. Fast forward two years, met a point in the bureau where either when a transfer to Houston, or I'm going to leave the bureau, I was just unhappy, unfulfilled if like, my work was lacking purpose. And, you know, I left the FBI in 2016 to be a mindset coach full time. And when I left where the company was my role was to travel around the country to help build and grow the business. Okay. And so that's ultimately what I did. I went all around the country, working with or learning from the top athletes, coaches, and businesses and teams around the country. And, you know, fast forward, what is it seven years later, you know, the company has grown from 150 clients to four to 5000 a year. And, yeah, so very large scale seven coaches to 100 plus and, you know, myself, I've obviously grown quite a bit, but that's, that's how I that's how I got into it. And then I really just absolutely loved what I was doing and just deep dived and, you know, that's what I eat, sleep and breathe now. So I get to work with some of the top athletes and schemes across the world. And that's why I'm here today.
Unknown Speaker 13:40
I love it. That's an awesome story. And just to be clear, you don't just work with wrestlers, and MMA athletes, you do all sports all across the board.
Unknown Speaker 13:50
Right? So started in wrestling, and one of the reasons I was I was willing to leave the bureau was because the goal was always to go to other sports wrestling itself wouldn't be enough for me to leave such as secure and that was my dream job. It's what I was wanting. So I work with you see up there both those national championship trophies are from Division Three, the cross, I get to work with sports, and athletes all over. You know, whether it be in Spa, soccer, softball, archery, help the team win a college championship in archery. Never never fired a ball in my life.
Unknown Speaker 14:26
That's great. Yeah, I guess all across the board is the same. And also not just for athletes. But for businesses. You say you also work our businesses. It's just it's not just the sports winning mindsets, the winning mindset, overall Correct.
Unknown Speaker 14:38
percent, and ultimately everyone says that 90% of our success or failure is mental. But 100% of our training, it's physical. That doesn't matter whether it's MMA, and it's on the mats or in the gym, or whether it's in the business and you're learning that skill that you're supposed to be doing or the salesmanship, but realistically results, good or bad. Are a lot more here and here, then they have to do with here and the books that are behind me.
Unknown Speaker 15:05
Yeah, yeah, it seems kind of ass backwards, right? Like when we know that and that's like such a, I don't know even cliche. It's like, ah, you know, it's 80%, mental 90% mental. Everyone's always saying it, but we're not actually putting the time into the mental aspect. It's like you said it's always 100% physical.
Unknown Speaker 15:21
Let me put it to you in this perspective. Imagine in MMA, you trained 90% Bottom Jitsu,
Unknown Speaker 15:28
oh, we're in trouble.
Unknown Speaker 15:30
We're in trouble. Only 10% If at most, you're striking wrestling, page change where any of that stuff, right? 90% You wouldn't be a very good fighter. Well, we can all agree that like physical skills are very, very important. But when it comes to competition day when it comes to competition when it comes to preparation, right, the execution and how well you do the performance is so crucial here. It's without warmth. Without doesn't matter how good you are physically, if this doesn't show up. This doesn't show up. It's the equivalent of riding a Ferrari with a Prius engine.
Unknown Speaker 16:04
Yeah, yeah. That's why they say you can be what do they call? It's not the nicest term, but like, a gym warrior, you know, what did they say? It's like a practice warrior practice.
Unknown Speaker 16:15
Your true champion? Well, yeah, like, yeah, you can be a practice room champion. You can be a training room champion. You can be world champion on Saturdays, and as far as sparring, but you can't make that happen when you get into the fight.
Unknown Speaker 16:27
Yeah, yeah. And that's, you know, essentially, I guess why people call you because they, they have the skills, but they need to put the mindset together. So that's interesting. Do you have a favorite type of athlete like a favorite sport? Or let me actually elaborate on that question? Do you have a favorite type of personality that you enjoy working with? Because I'm thinking right off the bat, I'm like, does this type of mindset coaching work for everyone? And I'm thinking probably not right?
Unknown Speaker 16:55
I would say it's beneficial to everyone. Let me let me say two things. Before I answer the question, I'll back down a little bit. There's three types of athletes, when it comes to you know how mindset training is a fit, let's say 75% of athletes where we're losing or underperforming, even in wins, because mindset is the is the primary factor, then there's the the cost, benefit 5% are losing or underperforming, because of mindset, the next year, they're above average right there. They're the people that are looking to close the gap on the top athletes, let's like take a podium, top six, their sixth, fifth and fourth, they're looking to close the gap on third second, and first, how do I close the gap using my own self optimization? Then the other the other place? And this is where I spend most of my time? Is the top tier athletes. How do I widen the gap? Right, either either the top three, how do I close like the smallest niche? How do I close or I am the best, we are the best team, we are the best individual? How do I widen the gap? So when it comes to saying when when you put it like that every athlete applies, like maybe even if mindset is not the reason you're losing? It's definitely something that you probably haven't systematically grade, that if you did, what, obviously pay dividends like if you're strong, but you've never been to a gym with a trainer. And then I put you with one of the best trainers in the country. Obviously getting published strong. Yes. Right. Yeah. So mindset is no different. Now, when it comes to the favorite, you're asked actually a very good question. There are sports that I enjoy working with most. But there's definitely like the personality is the fit, because I can say I love wrestling. I'm built by wrestling. I've been in sport of wrestling your rounds for 20 years now. But the typical wrestler is not my favorite person wrestling, wrestling may be my favorite type of sport to be in. But it's that and essentially what the company does is we teach the wrestlers mindset to all these other sports. Okay, when it comes to personality, it's definitely got to be somebody that's growth oriented. Somebody that is coachable most among the most important emotional intelligence. So I personally like working with women. Oh, wow. Not all but only women. Okay, really like working with women, because their level of default emotional intelligence is higher than most so particularly, like smart women. If you can have an above average intelligence and girl woman, the likelihood of like, us doing really well together really quick is really high. You don't have to be a woman. Just saying that. You know, in general, emotional intelligence is something that like, I really value that because I can, I can do a lot with that very quickly versus people that are not self aware. I gotta get you self aware before we can even
Unknown Speaker 19:39
you gotta like, move back. Yeah, yeah. Makes sense. That doesn't make sense. Because actually, as soon as you said that, I was like, oh, women, you might I'm thinking about myself. I'm being selfish and I'm like, Dude, I am an emotional person. I wonder if that is a hindrance, or if it's actually beneficial because I'm more in touch with my emotions. I don't know how a
Unknown Speaker 20:00
double edged sword. So for women, it's a blessing and a curse. That's why women are always in their fields. Yeah. Right, because you have such a deeper connection than the average man does. And, you know, realistically, when you learn how to use that, so, you know, again, I would say, like, most women, and then like pretty smart and emotionally intelligent guys, those are like the ideal clients for me, okay? Because the, the reality is that like, unless like women, if your emotions have a lot of play in what you do, and you can't control them, then they can show you when you teach someone who's very smart, like, let's say a student, can tell a student, a smart student what to study. They just study that, and they do what they're told. And they get it done. Right. So when you, let's say, have a talented woman, right, or a talented, emotionally intelligent athletes, right, they're not losing because they're not good. That's, that's, that's hard, right? It's hard to coach through that, like, you're just generally not good at the sport. But if they're good, and you coach them through, we're gonna focus ultimately, like don't fumble their focus and exactly what it needs to go. So their emotions, the hindrance of being, let's say, a woman who's really attached to her emotions, because she lets them fly. Well, when she is as emotional control, and she can regulate those emotions. He can use them however she wants to. She can use them however they want for the best of their ability. There's a picture I like,
Unknown Speaker 21:32
nice. Yes, yes, we well, we've all seen that,
Unknown Speaker 21:36
while seeing it. When you focus on the right things. It's hard to do the wrong ones. When you focus on the wrong things. It's hard to do the right ones. But for someone that's emotionally intelligent, you tell them what to focus on what not to focus on. You give them procedures, steps and tools to be able to stay in that lane. It's almost like it's like driving a car. If I teach you how to drive. I'm a good teacher of driving. Your handouts hat into your eyes are where they're supposed to be. Your car beeps if you swerve How the hell do you get in a wreck?
Unknown Speaker 22:05
Got it? Yeah, you know.
Unknown Speaker 22:08
And if you're a Ferrari, you can go really fast. Yeah, you don't? I mean,
Unknown Speaker 22:11
yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay. All right. I get that. Okay, so how many athletes can you work with at a time? I
Unknown Speaker 22:18
know, you said that you there's 100 coaches, so I'm sure you guys divvy up your clients. But I'm just curious, you're very passionate about this. I'm sure you love working with a lot of athletes. But do you kind of capped yourself at a limit?
Unknown Speaker 22:32
Point in like my career growth, where that's let's find out what that number is. Right? I, as a New Yorker, we like to Russell. So there's 24 hours in a day, and I can figure it out. So I've, I would say that, like I do my best work. And when I have, you know, not an abundance of clients, I do my best work when let's say, like coaches will ask me like, how many people can I bring to a session? I'm like, Well, you can bring 150 We're just not going to have the same sort of intimate conversation and lens results and vulnerability and their answers that if you bring 15. So I would say I just I have learned to take quality versus quantity. I mean, in the beginning years, we just we had to get numbers. Yeah. So I guess I was taken as much as I could, you know, I can't give a number as to what, but I definitely limit my time so that I can maximize my results. Got
Unknown Speaker 23:32
it. Got it. Yeah, because you see a lot of that with different professions in the MMA industry, right? Coaches, agents, managers, you know, they take on too many people. And then you're wondering why you don't get that many sponsors or opportunities. Because, you know, that phrase, how many balls Can you juggle is not? Right, you know, so I'm interested in asking, I know, you've worked with a lot of top athletes. But before we get into kind of like who because I know, people are probably wondering, you know, who have you helped kind of like, what's your resume look like? What, what is the difference between a mindset coach or mental coach and a sports psychologist, I just recently started working with one about four or five months ago, once every two weeks. And I don't know, you know, it's like a sports therapist, kinda, you know, and that this is my first time working with someone and I don't have much to compare it to. So in your opinion, what's the difference?
Unknown Speaker 24:31
Yep. So the difference is, we actually have a ratio of a a PDF that explains exactly that because some people wonder, right? The sports psychology, a psychologist is a doctor, they are required to abide by particular rules. And a sports site and sports psychology is definitely Mental Health First, fourth, second, right. Not that mental health isn't important, but a mindset coach, a mental performance coach. As a mental skills coach, the goal is to proactively teach mental skills. And we have less restrictions versus a, a sports psychologist is more so a reactive mental health service that involves sports performance. So I think like I don't for us, we we've either worked in conjunction with or have referred people out, particularly to sports psychologists, when there's any sort of like mental health issues. There are some great sports psychologists out there things that we can do that they can't we can encourage aggression. I can tell my team that we're going to run through a mound of soccer spaces. No, I can we I have I've lived different worksheets that specifically build aggressiveness, not that other people don't. But as you know, with someone that was built in combat sports, like my, my favorite sports to coach, you know, just in general, like wrestling, and they may get to aggressiveness is kind of important, right? And, you know, encouraging people to do harm, like the golden rule in combat sports. Hold on, let me ask you something. What's the golden rule in life
Unknown Speaker 26:11
treat others as you would like to be treated? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 26:14
the golden rule in combat sports is treat others as you don't want to be treated. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So like being able to encourage that sort of level of violence is a little difference. And I would say again, like definitely built on proactive skills, versus imagery, breathing techniques, meditation, a lot of that stuff. So it's definitely not good or bad. It's just what your needs are. And, you know, ultimately, I think I think everyone's a different fit. Everyone could benefit from both. Yeah, realistically,
Unknown Speaker 26:47
it's just the right tool for the job kind of situation. Right. And I think
Unknown Speaker 26:51
one's mental health focus, one's more performance focused. One is giving you techniques to manage your emotional health, that relates to performance. Our job number one is to help you perform better secondarily, like, you know, give you emotional control, and give you all the like for us what makes us so different, why we have so many people. It's sports specific baseball mindset, and then a mindset, wrestling mindset, soccer mindset, sport specific mental training. So our clients, for example, it's wrestlers, talking to wrestlers, it's wrestlers talking to fighters, it's fighters talking to fighters. So it that's a big difference versus oftentimes in sports psychologists like I saw one when I was in college, he was a volleyball player. And great advice, gave me some great tools. And if you knew how to be an athlete, never made weight, never had someone clubbed her in the face. Never had somebody tried to break her arm off. And never had to do any of those things simultaneously. So it's it's hard to relate. Particularly in combat sports, I feel like a combat athlete, a combat coach can definitely help coach other sports. I can't necessarily take all of the advice from a golfer.
Unknown Speaker 28:03
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. Okay. And so just because I'm curious, do you talk to your clients? A certain number? Do you like talk weekly? Do you, you know, like, how often do you talk to these clients of yours and doesn't depend on kind of where they're at, in their, you know, competition mode?
Unknown Speaker 28:22
Yeah, I think it depends where they're at. They're compensated mode, depending on the depending on the person. So, you know, like, when I would say, for the most part, it's weekly. And it is depending on like the nature of the relationship sometimes, like, for an individual, we'll talk every other week. And then maybe like when it comes closer to competition, we'll talk every week. For a team, for example, you know, one of my teams, Northwestern, women's lacrosse, they just beat the number one team in the country. They are a very, very busy group, though, sometimes we'll talk twice in a week sometimes want to talk for two weeks, when the offseason we might talk once or twice a month. In season, we're probably talking once a week. But I'm also talking to the coach almost every day. Got it. So let's
Unknown Speaker 29:05
find out some of the people that you have worked with, because I can't begin to name them all. But could you explain some of your success stories to us? And there's so many others that your resume? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 29:16
thank you. So I think like the statistic that one of the things that I'm most proud of is top 15 individuals or teams meet the number one competitor in the country of the world. So at that given time, whether it be like a whether it be get to whether it be in wrestling, whether it be in MMA, whether it be in other sports, you know, the number one person in the country of the world at that time. I was able to be a part of that camp and help somebody be so that being said, you know, there's stories like that and there's also just some some big names in general Zheng Wei li Dennison figurado, when he beat Moreno Mark Madsen, when he beat like weta was the one I was just going, Oh, man Alevi when she Gabby Garcia Great. Well, that was a big one. Yeah. I was working with had no reason in when she was getting ready for who was a guest of yours, when she was getting ready for ACC, and, and we have such a good camp and she was telling me, You're gonna heal the butterflies. But like, I'm so much more happy and excited to fight than like I've ever felt before. Like, I'm never I'm never overwhelmed with with stress or nerves, but like, I've never felt so free and excited. And, you know, I believe had she not gotten hurt. I mean, we saw what ended up happening in the finals, I think Kendall would have dominated in the final and become an ADCC champion, but like her back injury, you know, everything happens for a reason like that injury. Everything happens for a reason. And, you know, Kendall obviously has taken a different turn in the last six months of her life, building the business aspect of her career, not just a competitor. So those are good ones. Behind me those two trophies are national championships from Rochester Institute of Technology. So they won back to back NCAA championships. Some other some other big names. People that probably wouldn't know necessarily in MMA, but in wrestling, I've worked with number six kids that were ranked number one in the country. I helped a couple of kids in wrestling beat number one in the country. I currently live in San Diego. San Diego is where Poway High School is. And that's great wrestling has been it's from great wrestling school, top 10 in the country. So last two years, we've had Dubach record breaking years where we set cool state and national records at some of the tournaments we participated in Nice. Yeah, and I'm trying to think of, you know, some of the other Oh, tricky people when he won. So there's Creek, Patricio, and Triki Triki, as the older brother, freaky was the one who you're really in Ireland. So let's talk about that real quick. meter Quealy when they fought for the title, meter, clearly was not a McGregor's best friend, Peter Quealy has never been finished and fight in a really freaky, the previous fight. And I helped the Triki prepare for that. Now imagine, you know, most MMA fighters when they go to Brazil with a very, very, not dangerous, so it's the word hostile environment. Yeah, like if you're not correct, if you're not from Brazil, they're literally saying that, like, we want you to die overnight, people like parade you in the streets. So it's very similar experience knowing what was going to come for what was gonna come for purpose tricky. So you will be able to be a Brazilian in Ireland, like, one of the things we did was we knew he'd get a lot on who was like the crowd was gonna take and Dublin, the ground was going to shake from how loud the booths were, we just put headphones on. And we had him come out to his own music, didn't hear anything. By the time he got out there and danced and did his thing. You know, he was just so excited and happy to be there. And there's actually some pictures where some of the skills that we use to help him stay focused, you've literally seen through pictures like him using it in his fight. He got poked in the eye, almost the fight almost got stopped. Okay, and you know, something we call a reset button to help reset your emotional energy and focus. His reset button was to pet his people brothers tattoo, right, put his hands up and take a deep breath. And you see this. Okay, so that was right after he almost ended the fight because of an ICO. Wow, he knocked Peter Crilley out like
Unknown Speaker 33:46
45 seconds later, because he hit the reset button. He went back,
Unknown Speaker 33:49
you hit that reset button otherwise, like his biggest fear was really popular clearly the first time. His biggest fear was that cost when he really fought PETA cruelty the first time, it was medical stoppage. Okay, and then what almost happened? Medical stoppage? Yeah, because he couldn't see. Right, so we talked about that, like, what are some of the worst case scenarios. And you know, there's certain things that I do with the fighters, particularly, and some of the teams the night before their fights. He did the same thing. And one of the things we talked about is addressing some of the biggest fears and worst things that can happen in the fight. That was one of the things why do
Unknown Speaker 34:23
why why even put focus on the worst things that could happen. You know, everyone's always like, we got to do focus on the good, you know, I mean, I truly believe in situational, you know, everything situational drilling, situational motivation, situational, visual visualization, you know, I see the benefits in that, but I want in your words, mindset, Mike, what is the benefit of putting yourself in a mentally compromised position?
Unknown Speaker 34:47
Yeah, that's such a great question. So, there's a particular set of things that I do the night before flight, and particularly and when oftentimes, like everyone's like that Losing is not an option. Like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that what happens when you don't? Like you convinced yourself of something else and you are either like lying to yourself or hyping yourself up to believe it when it doesn't go that way? How do you handle it? So the easiest way to deal with adversity in a moment is to pre plan for it prior to right and moccasin training. Right and not just through visualization, you know, again, if you address like some of the doubts, fears, worries, insecurities, worst case scenarios, add on, what you can measure you can manage. So when you listen, when you bring it to the surface, and you say, Okay, what are some of the worst case scenarios? Or how will I respond? What are some of my doubts, fears, worries, insecurities, whatever reasons through that will disprove each of those things. Because what happens is, a lot of people are good until they're not right, they're good until something happens. They're good until something goes wrong. They're good until something goes sideways adversity we address those adversity and we just address those specific things ahead of time and in almost every single fight I've been a part of in almost every single like big camping something something we mentioned Athens where you fight or during the fight was the only talked about it. So instead of saying I'm gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, don't worry about it. We address it particularly like not the camp but we adjusted the night before and talk about it. And again, I'm not going to record a giveaway what I do but there's very specific thing that I do for helps to release those things. Ben Frey was somebody that I always forget if it's Friar Frey was it Freya Frey, who's Jen from Jen, who was an Invicta and then thought, oh,
Unknown Speaker 36:40
Jen, you Frey, I think is her name.
Unknown Speaker 36:43
It's Frey. So and that's what I've always said. But sometimes I say pray. So I worked with Jen. And Jim is a great example of someone who she had like a very high level degree, like insanely smart, insanely intelligent, when she was all into in the UFC. I started working with her to where she won the next two or three straight. And one of the things that she would say that she said after she did actually Yoder was, you know, when you feel unburdened, you're free to be at your best. And those sort of things that we worry about subconsciously and consciously those are burdens. Yeah. And whether they weigh on you heavier, they weigh on you a little bit when something happens in spite of all this is right in front of your face. And you've been trying to avoid dealing with it, because you just want to focus on the positive. So we don't just talk about what could go wrong. There's twofold, right? We address the things that could go wrong. We put those to the side, we do something with those with those insecurities, worries and worst case scenarios. But then we also talk about, well, if we want to let go of this, we want to let go of these burdens, what are we going to focus on instead? So you've replaced you bring it up, you address it, and then you replace those with what you want your athlete to focus on instead.
Unknown Speaker 37:58
Okay, now, is that are those replacements? Like the exact opposite? You know, like, for example, if you are worried about your cardio, do you then, you know, say actually, you know, do I mean? I don't know, like, is it something that's, you know, gene are interchangeable? Is it just something completely different? Okay, these are what this what you're worried about, but these are your strong points. This is what you feel comfortable about? Like, what is it? How do you switch those?
Unknown Speaker 38:23
Yeah. So there's, there's, there's two parts of the exercise, there's the part that addresses what we want to let go. And then there's the part that is completely separate, that like, I have a cheat sheet set of about 12 questions that I have to answer that directs their attention and energy, like a GPS, are these things that deal with like, fun citement opportunity? Why have nothing to lose? How do I let it fly? Things like that. Okay, but the stuff that we want to let it go part of the way we let it go is by just countering them and disproving them. Everyone tries to fight negative thoughts, or they ignore them. But thoughts have hands, right? So like, don't psych negative thoughts just reframe them? So what are some of my doubts or fears or worries? What if I get tired? Or what I have them do? Is that like, will they write them down? They disprove each of them? Well, I did discipline my diet style did my cardio was fine. Yeah. But I'm gonna get fatigued. But tired is a mindset. Like I know that I better Korea than this person. So each one of those things that they worry, they have something that they disapprove. And then they have a completely different set of questions that are part of, you know, part two of the activity, where they then focus on a completely different set of circumstances.
Unknown Speaker 39:31
That's a great word. Gotta bring it up, disprove disprove, because everything that we create is a bunch of fucking lies for in my head, honestly, it's just a bunch of bullshit. And then when I come when I get in a more relaxed and whatever a better state of mind, I'm like, what, that's not even true. It's like I'm lying to myself. It's like you get all worked up and you create these things that aren't even true. But if you say it enough to yourself, you start to fucking believe it. So that's great. You're just saying things to disprove those negative have thoughts? Okay.
Unknown Speaker 40:01
Well, one of the things again, I can't speak for sports psychologist, but I know that in, in a typical therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy involves something called Spot stopping. Well, we do something similar to where we call predator minds, right display thoughts, this predator thoughts, you can focus on the right thing and focus on the wrong thing. Ultimately, like the way you manage your thoughts determines how you manage your feelings. You manage your thoughts, you can manage your feelings, you manage your feelings, you can manage your fighting pneumatic or fighting your performance, that that helps determine the outcomes, right? Yeah, so. So it's, you can, I would say better than disprove, counter them or reframe them, because sometimes you can't necessarily disprove or counter something, we can definitely reframe them to a more productive way. So it's not as much good or bad thoughts. So like, when I was on Sean O'Malley's podcast, one of the things he talked about was, thoughts are things people make them as good or bad as high or low thought service things and situations that we have to respond to. If a girl shoots on you, she uses double leg, there's no good or bad double, like you got to throw. Right? So there's no good or bad triangle, like you have to get out. There's no good or bad guard, like you have to you have to frame posture and Red Guard. Right. So going back to that double, like there's no good or bad double leg. So there's no good or bad thought it's just a situation that I respond to. So when you can, you know, part of mindset training, is when you could teach people to control the way that they think, then they can control the way that they feel, when they're controlled the way that they feel, then they can give 100% focus and effort on the way that they perform. And that's how you can get people performing at or above their potential. So there's, that that's a huge piece, there's obviously a lot more to it. But you know, being able to, I feel like one of the reasons I've been able to unlock a lot of people's extreme potential and just consistently rise up to those big occasions, in part is yes, without emotional control, it can't happen. But the second part of that exercise that we do the night before, it's congruent with a lot of like the core principles that like me personally, that I teach, that when I can teach and make a weapon, not just a concept we talk about, right? Like, I'm sure at some point, we'll talk about how gratitude is, is a performance enhancing weapon when there's a handful of things that when you focus on this, this doesn't exist, right. So when we're more excited to compete, rest literally doesn't exist, though, like thankfulness. And stress does not coexist at the same time. So it just makes you more excited, or we are for the opportunity versus how much of my stress that I don't want to mess it up. So yeah, you know, working with Zheng Wei li I worked with her and Rose fight number two, and I worked with her meeting up to when she knocked out you wanna we still touch face when when she brought Carla, he was just in a totally different timezone and make made it a little more difficult to spend regular time with each other. But then she was in Arizona, a fight ready, you know, I had the opportunity to work with a lot of high level fighters, thanks to you know, Henry and Captain. And Wally was one and Wally after the first rose loss, felt like such a clench, fracture, and then felt so much stress and then therefore, really did not enjoy fighting anymore. So I could see her in the training room. I'm like, you, you feel like you're like it looks like you really want to be her you're part of an everyone in the room, where you definitely your heart's not in this. Right. Then you saw a difference in her leading into her rose bite, you know, little thing that people don't know is that, you know, her rehydration protocol was not exactly followed. Well, if you noticed in the later rounds of Rose of the rose fight, we were out. did pretty well, the first couple rounds. Like I'm not gonna blame anything on anything. You know, obviously, like fibers got to do their job, but he ran out of steam in that fight. But her mindset if you looked at how the excited he was to fight was a poor percent of what happened post rose. So that was Wally 2.0. Winning 3.0 was the one that knocked out. You wanna and required the best strawweight of all time. Willie 4.0 was what you saw against Carla. And she looks good right now.
Unknown Speaker 44:31
Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. I do want to get into some different aspects of the mindset coaching. We talked briefly about kind of reframing thinking. And, you know, we had a quick little conversation about what we might talk about and gratitude came up. And you know, you mentioned it earlier. And so, I don't know if you have categories of how you help your athletes, you know, reframing the mind or whatever it is, but let's talk about the gratitude because, like you said, just now, I'd never think about it that way. But if you have two conflicting emotions, it's it's almost impossible to have them. You know, you can't be stressed and excited. Or you maybe you can a little bit but not that much. So I'm thinking it's the same thing, right? You can't be super grateful to be where you're at or doing what you're doing, and scared or something along those lines. So tell me about gratitude.
Unknown Speaker 45:23
You're very definitely on the right path. And like, here's the thing, high level athletes get the idea, like you have a general understanding, like you're picking up what I'm putting down, if you don't have a GPS and how to get there. Yeah, mindset coaches, your GPS, got it. And the skills that I get here are the turn by turn directions. And if you make a wrong turn, we can turn back around and immediately reroute you, you know, that's, that's your you're getting what I'm saying? I will say so, one of the things you mentioned as far as like the skills, you know, the things that we teach, right think of mindset, think of mindset skills, like muscles, right? mental muscles, competence is a muscle, we can exercise it, okay? It's not a concept that we talk about relaxing under pressure, that's, that's a skill, we can exercise it we can get stronger at it. aggressiveness, being in the present moment, self knowledge, goal setting, motivation, right? These are all skills, okay? That's why, you know, mindset training, mental skills kind of separates itself a little bit from, you know, the sports psychology, sports psychology is definitely like, the, the the big part of the foundational arts of mental performance, but, you know, screening these different mental muscles like skills that you can build systematically. That's really something that's separate. So you're asking, you know, when it comes to gratitude, you said something before that. That begs me to repeat two of my favorite quotes. One is, you know, we tell ourselves a lot of lies, right? And, you know, again, like, Gnosis your subconscious, like there's 500 How do I how do I, how do I handle all these different things? Right. Jordan Balfour, and that that movie, Wolf On Wall Street, you see, you see, Minerva, capital say the only thing standing in between you and the life you want is impulsive story that you keep telling yourself? Yeah. But fast forward, right. What was the story you're telling yourself if you're if you're someone or anyone that's listening, right? If you know who Brene Brown is, if you don't look her up? Yeah. And the vulnerability is vulnerability, ingratitude or my opinion are two of the things that I've learned to weaponize that give me results that people just can't replicate. Yeah. And Brene Brown talks about the importance of that, right. So one of the reasons why we fail is because we fear for your failure. One of the reason we feel failure is because we keep telling ourselves the story without that we create value is something you create. Fear is normal. Fear propels, you feel weight, fear wakes you up, can Grover, the guy that mentored Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, who talks about how like, overthinking and doubt is an art. It's an art and you become like a world class artist on overthinking it is something that we create year is an emotion that propels us overthinking is an act and an art. So, fast forward to where you're talking about gratitude, right? Gratitude is also an art. You can't just talk about gratitude and, and be grateful. You can't just read about gratitude and write some shit down about what you're grateful for every morning and be grateful. People look at gratitude as thankfulness. Gratitude is not a thing. It's not a state of being when it comes to sports performance. In my opinion, gratitude is less about just being thankful, and more about where's the opportunity? So the performance piece and gratitude is like, are you tunity oriented or you obligation oriented? When you're grateful for something you make the most of it when you see something as an opportunity, you make the most of the good or bad? Like, you're excited for it, make the most of it? And even if something goes wrong, like not really that stressed about it, yeah. When gratitudes are dominant, attend, you don't really have a bad day. So I have to give credit where credit's due, you know, I spent a lot of time studying the most successful team in college sports versus Penn State wrestling. They've won 10 out of the last 12 National Championships, nine out of 11 of them were in a row. Okay, I'm sorry, nine out of 12 are in a row. And they believe the mental edge of that team is gratitude. And I you know, making friends with the family, some of the athletes, former athletes and coaches, you know, really dug in and they didn't give me any trade secrets just talked a lot about it. And, you know, ultimately, those are athletes that particularly like when they continue, they're always talking about being thankful. They're always talking about gratitude. They're always talking about opportunity. But like, how does that translate your performance when you watch them perform? They A lot of chances. They score a lot of points. They don't, they don't win close, unless they have absolutely no choice. They're having a lot of fun. Well, let's think of grateful people. Right? Those are, those are the, when you think of the individuals or athletes that we would consider as like ambassadors of gratitude, you don't see them have a lot of stress, they probably are very fun person. When something bad happens in their life, it really doesn't. It doesn't knock them off their horse, it just kind of wobbles in a little bit, we find their bearings. When you, when you look at gratitude, in sports performance, like I said, there's either there's two types of athletes, the ones that are super excited for the opportunity in front of them, they find the opportunity, right, or the ones that are afraid to mess it up. That balance is what determines like, our level of being able to use gratitude as a weapon. So again, know, are you afraid to mess it up? Are you excited for the opportunity, you feel like I have to win obligation, which by the way, and you can't control outcomes, and a three round site, you know, when when you got to fight again, that too, right? When you get to fight again, there are judges that control whether or not you win or lose, if you don't knock that girl out, right? We're finished her. So you can be reckless and look for a finish and be within your control and probably lose, right? You can fight and folks that you convinced the judges, or you can make the most out of your opportunity to showcase how good you are the growth that you've made. And embrace how excited that you steal, for getting back to fighting. Yeah, right, and learning how to not just talk about those things, but systematically teach that sort of thought process. That's what allows people to pull massive upsets. That's what allows people to compete to the best of their ability, when you are excited for the opportunity, you can surrender the outcome of what might happen logically like I take the job of judges, yeah, so. And if I try to force a finish, I'm probably going to end up in bad position. So I'm going to be excited to fight hard and showcase my skills. 15 seconds at a time, I'm going to do that over and over until the fight is over, whether it's over and 45 seconds, whether it's over 25 minutes, I am more excited to fight hard and show my growth that I am worried about whether or not I win or lose, I have surrendered to the fact that I can't control the judges, I have surrendered to the fact that I cannot control winning or losing. But I've committed to the process of controlling my effort, my attitude, and how aggressive I am. So there's a bunch of skills in and around that. Gratitude gets boiled down to that. Are you excited for what you get to do? Are you stressed about what you have to do? Are you excited for what you get to do? Or are you worried about what might happen? All of the what ifs makes sense?
Unknown Speaker 52:50
It makes complete sense to me now are the winning mindset, you guys, can you win? I mean with most athletes and work, can you take someone who goes into the fight or you know, competition, I don't want to lose, can you make them into a I get to compete type person, you know,
Unknown Speaker 53:09
percent. So like, obviously, as a company, we do a very good job of that. I would consider myself obviously one of the most experienced when it comes to this. I think I'm the number one guy in the country. If you can find anybody that's had more people beat number ones, I'd love to meet them, I want to learn from them.
Unknown Speaker 53:25
So great, God, it's so great. I'm sorry to cut you off. It's just, you know, there's so many you know, I have been in my sport for you know, MMA in general alone over a decade, and then wrestling as well. As you know, as my background, my coach always used to tell me, you know, don't go in there thinking I don't want to lose it go in there thinking I want to win, you know, and that's the difference in the mindset. And I'm just listening to you talk right now. And it's so crazy how you could really change someone's whole life because you work so hard physically, and you want to be on the right page mentally. But that's what's holding you back. And it's just like, flipping that
Unknown Speaker 54:03
police train. But it's never been systematically trained. Think of how systematic your jujitsu coaches are on how to break guard think about systematic or frightening is think of how completely not systematic our approach to mindset is. We've always just been told work really hard. And let's hope that we know what's ultimately win. Yeah, that like, like, for me, like as a coach as high school or high school wrestlers. 10 years ago, I'm like, putting in a year's worth of work and keeping you show up. But that's a complete waste of selfishly. That's a waste of my time. And it breaks my heart seeing you not reach your potential. I'm gonna teach you how to get the most out of you. And the only reason we lose is because that motherfucker show that earned it. He talks about that on on Sean O'Malley's podcast talking about how you know if someone's gonna beat you let them bleed and earn it like they prove that they were better but make them do that. So your coach, he said the right thing. elite athletes, they know the right thing. The problem is is that like, that's not how you feel like I'm not talking about winning and losing If you're down to rounds and like, or just in general you'd like in fact to win. Yeah, right. Like, yes. I've been told to just go out there have fun. Yeah, relax. Yeah. Don't feel like this. Is this amazing? Easier said than? That's not how you feel? Yeah. So I've had to change the way you think, in order to change the way you feel, right? So I can give you all the right advice in the world. Because, you know, there wouldn't be any need for me, if I could just tell you go have fun, and you'll have fun will be grateful. And you'll be grateful. Right? So that's the that's the benefits are many benefits of having a mindset coach, because your coach said, Good advice. You know, it's great advice. It's not I want to win, right, you have no control over winning in wrestling, or in fighting, you have control over how much fun you have the effort that you have, the attitude you have and how aggressive you are, right effort, given 100% attitude, I'm excited to fight, I'm gonna give 100% No matter what aggressiveness, I'm willing to fail in order to succeed, I'm willing to take chances, right? So wanting to win is wanting to do something you can't control. So even like your subconscious knows that when you're down, five, nothing in a wrestling match, like your brain wants to win, but that feels very far away. But when you're focused on winning the next position, crushing the next 15 seconds, right, like, show showing how good you are? Right? Giving, when you're focused on a different set of circumstances. It's not about the winning, because here's an easy way to get rid of winning and losing. How many times have you won, but fought or wrestled like shit? That's happened? Or like, not been proud of your performance? How many times have you locked but wrestled or fought really well? Right? It's not about the winning or the losing and how well you perform. And if I can teach you how to focus on that, and how to perform the best, only person that's going to sue like, you aren't going to earn the right to do it. People are so stressed about the future that they can't control. What happens if I lose? What if this instead of what can I do?
Unknown Speaker 57:01
That's interesting. And earlier, you use the word surrender, and you talked about gratitude. And you know, I'm very open on my podcast I Love You know, I'm very vulnerable. That's something that I'm not shy to be and I'm very open about my sobriety. And I was going to AAA for probably about four months before the pandemic started. And it's not something I actively do anymore. But I appreciate the those four months and the foundation that it gave me in my sobriety, and not so much, you know, the god aspect, because that's something that, you know, it's just not up my alley, but I'm agnostic, and I really love the gratitude and the fact that you had to kind of surrender to this higher power, you know, and just kind of admit, like, Okay, you're not in control of what's going to happen. You know, it sounds like a lot of the same vernacular that you've been using. Do you see a similar? Similar? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 57:59
that's success leaves clues. Right. So successful coaches say the right things. Successful programs, do the right, like say the right things, do the right things. So surrender the outcome of winning and losing, and commit to the process of blank, whatever that is for you. So like, one of the things that I feel like I've learned to do for particularly combat athletes, and even while sports like, that's why I love teaching bad bitches, because or like making people bad bitches. Because like, it's so awesome to see a group of a group or an individual women just go out there and Buck somebody up. But neither here nor there. I'm thinking,
Unknown Speaker 58:39
passionate about what you
Unknown Speaker 58:40
do. Yeah. But yeah, like one of the things that I'd like everyone tells in combat sports, to go out there and break that guy and break that girl. What the fuck does that look like? That's like me telling you to drive from California to New York and bright east. There's no direction, you have an idea that like the general direction is there. So like surrender to the process, surrender the outcome of winning and losing commit to the process of breaking your opponent, we get to the process of, of winning the next 15 seconds commit to the process of giving 100% and being excited to fight we went through the process of having fun fighting hard, whatever that process and those vernacular, that word is for you. So like, everybody, like all the things that are successful, everyone says kind of like the right things. The problem is like a lot of people give a lot of good advice. It's what's the process and how to get there. So I can tell you like, oh, winning and losing? Well, if I'm gonna let go of that, what am I focused on instead? And that brings me back to the, the, the, the exercise that I do the night before, I'm going to let go of this so that we can focus on that. So I'll tell you off air because I don't wanna give away my secrets. But, you know, it's, it's, it's something, learning to surrender. I can't tell you how to do that. I have to teach you emotional control. I have to teach you other skills that like build upon that. I have To teach you if you're going to surrender, winning and losing, like, here's the past, here's the future. This is what you can control. Yeah, yeah. Right. So I have to teach you what you can control what you can't control what you could do what she said and do, what were the common themes of your best fights and your worst fights, I can't ask you to do something to surrender something unless you have something to focus on instead. So one of the reasons you didn't die with like, surrender this higher power is that like, you don't subscribe to that. But I can get you to commit to the process of being its version of you. On a daily basis. Yeah, right. Yeah. So
Unknown Speaker 1:00:33
Wow, another thing you just said, that is, along the same lines of some of the A stuff was, you mentioned twice now, you know, 15 seconds. So it sounds like part of the mindset training, or maybe you know, in the competition is breaking down the fight or the competition in the game into smaller increments, because it's less, you know, it's easier to focus on those smaller increment, whatever the mindset is, but I'm thinking back to the AAA thing, I'm like, yeah, they say, one day at a time, one day at a time, you know, they're they're doing some of the similar things, you know, and it's probably, you're just, you studied it for so long, you know, and that's probably why, you know, AAA has helped so many people change their lives, same way, you've helped so many people be able to flip the switch and close the gap. So I don't know, that's really exciting to me, because that program, you know, maybe the whole thing wasn't for me, but it really did change my entire life, in a short period of time, with some of the same values. And so I'm excited to hear more of my
Unknown Speaker 1:01:31
mindset, his mindset, his mindset, whether it's football, basketball, MMA, or aaa, aaa is a lot more to do. And family member got sober and spend time in a in a home that she was in afterwards. Or they call it like, sober living. Yeah. The whole process, okay. And a lot more therapy and mindset training than it was anything else? Yeah. No, they just have a process of how to break it down for them. So I'm going to speak to what you said, with regard to the 15 seconds. So everyone can say one day at a time, a ticket one match at a time. Yeah, hey, take it one round at a time. Yeah, that's gonna happen. Not gonna happen in five fucking minutes. 24 hours is also a very long 1615 minutes in a fight is a long time, six minutes of a wrestling match is a long time it is like, let's, let's, let's let's break it down a wrestling. So there's three periods, hey, one period of time, a lot of that can happen in two minutes. Okay, so 15 seconds, or when the next physician, they'll like, have a what's next the way when the next mentality, like, we scored great pick, I'm gonna score next, I scored great, cool, I'm gonna score next there is no good or bad. It's what happens next, because the past is gone, you know, when you can win the next 15 seconds, and then focus on the next 15 seconds, or, you know, the next position, the next position, the next position. You know, so you said your backgrounds in wrestling, let's relate it to let's say I shoot and you sprawl are completely extended. Okay, as my focus is on winning, I'm very far away from winning right now, my focus is on scoring very far away from scoring, let me
Unknown Speaker 1:03:15
realization myself, what,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:18
let me get the next position, then the next position, and then the next position. So improving my position or like winning the next 15 seconds, the way that Jen said it in her fight, I'm sorry. In her one of her UFC interviews, we talked about how, you know, it makes it a lot more manageable. So instead of trying to win a 15 minute fight or five minute round, I just got to worry about winning the next 15 seconds. And then the next 15 seconds, and then the next 15 seconds. And you can apply that obviously, like, you know, the way that the company started was in like high school and college and now we build, you know, professional athletes, we work with the Olympic Training Center, you know, businesses, all that stuff. And the, ultimately we're trying to, we're trying to help your performance in your sport, or we're teaching you life skills. The sport is just the vehicle or today is the vehicle for me to teach you how to build confidence and raise a vehicle for me to teach you how to build your ability to relax under pressure. So when you learn to win a fight, 15 seconds at a time, when sparring 15 seconds at a time, then you're going to take your days, 15 seconds at a time and then be able to move forward and then move forward. Yeah, it makes sense.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:29
Yeah. To me, it totally makes sense. And I'm thinking right now, I'm wondering, because I know myself and I know that some things that I do mentally are, you know, spiraling thoughts. And it seems like maybe the 15 second rule, maybe keeping you present keeping the athletes present so that they don't think too far in the future so that those thoughts don't spiral into somewhere that you can't control but you can control this so keeping you present. Oh yeah, it's it's clicking for me right now.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:00
If you're very, you're very smart. You're That's exactly it. So, when you when you compute 15 seconds at a time you're present when you're present, you can give 100%. Think of your focus as so I was telling us the other day and couldn't think of the word, your focus is finite. It's limited. Okay? So if 75% is on what happened before, only 25% is on, like, total, can be put to what? So what I do next, what most people do is they think about the last time what might happen instead of what can happen right in front of me. Yeah, right. So anxiety, detraction lives in the past, anxiety lives in the future. Let's focus is happiness and focus is in the present.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:39
Oh, I like that. I like that. Yeah. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:42
So you know, the idea is that if we can get you to play present, when your sport, when you learn to play present, and your life, you can thoughts, again, or think about someone knocks on my door, you're gonna go over to your door and see what's up, we're looking at your ring Bell, and you're gonna respond to every single person that knocks on that door, right? If it's you, and you're at my door, come on in. If it's the if it's somebody that I don't recognize, but they don't seem threatening, I'm gonna keep the door open to be like, Hey, can I help you? Some of that I don't want at my house, I'm going to tell them to get off my porch. Or else I'm going to come out there and I'm going to be either armed or beat the shit out of. Okay. So the point is that every thought requires a response. And what most people do, I would say, 75% of people get their ass kicked by their thoughts, right? They try to fight their thoughts and they get their ass kicked. Yeah. The next like, 25% I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Like, this is what you said earlier. Like, I don't wanna think about anything bad. Like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Like, I'm just going to focus on this. That's not realistic, because that's just going to happen. Right? So a lot of people try to push them to the side. And then, you know, the top 1% of people, right? Let me let me say it again, that 85% of people like get kicked and get their butt kicked by their thoughts. The top like, 14 24% I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. The one percenters those are the ones that like that, can you respond to these thoughts and put good into great and bad into manageable because again, you want good performances, thoughts, make feelings, feelings, make performances or you want wins, right? Thoughts, make feelings, feelings, make performances, performance, make wins or losses, control the way that you think if you want to control the way that you perform. So that's the idea is that like, the spiraling thoughts, it's two things, we need to have emotional control, so that you can have thought stopping and thought management, you need to be able to reset in those moments. And then you need to be able to like, identify, like, here are my common automatic negative thoughts like I plan for these are the things that I tend to happen. These are the responses that I can give to myself.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:54
That's so that's so good, because when you are aware of the really common ones, you know, they're gonna fucking come back. And when they come back, you're like, Oh, I was ready for this thought, you know, and I'm so interested in talk more about the reset button because it sounds like poetry keys or poetry shoes, one of the people's tricky it sounds like his was, you know, touch his brother, you know, that was his physical reset button. Is it always a physical reset button? Or can it be mental I think physical for me just as like a very physical person as a fighter like, that would click a physical I mean, I can even see someone crazy that you work with, you know, one of these fighters being like, Alright, my physical is like a little slap in the face. And they're like, What's that guy doing? Like, oh, no worries, he's just setting his reset. And then he goes out and like, knocks the guy? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:44
Yeah, I mean, think about it, like a video game. Something's going wrong in the video game, you part of the video game and you have the choice theater start over and completely wipe it out, or like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna continue to move forward. Right? So the idea is that, you know, we need to treat our energy on our focus and where our thoughts are going the same way. So thought comes in, pause. Let me properly respond and refocus on the right thing. Like, think about this. Everybody starts most people start off here. This happens, how quickly and efficiently. Can I get back to here? Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, so here's, here's the thing. So like with reset buttons, how many times if somebody told you in the middle of a fight or a wrestling match or whatever, relaxed
Unknown Speaker 1:09:26
work, or an argument?
Unknown Speaker 1:09:30
Hey, go out there have fun. Yeah, you have fun. Hey, don't be stressed. Just go out there. Have fun. But you're stressed as hell don't worry about winning and losing, which are focused on winning or losing. Yeah, so many people have told you take a deep breath. You took a deep breath, but it didn't go away. Right? Or like you do something and it doesn't change anything. It's because that physical gesture doesn't have a meaning. Okay, right. So you need to pair a physical gesture with a productive thought. So what that means is that like, if we're gonna if I'm gonna say you and I We're gonna work together and it says that like your reset button is a deep breath. That means like, thought comes in or something happens. Think of this as a filter, right thought comes in or something happens. Pause, right? Let me like take a step back. Is this is this helping me or hurting me? Right? Do I want to like, do I want to release this? I'm sorry, you don't want to reframe this or run with it. Right? So let me rephrase thought thought or thought or, or event happens? Pause, I need to retrain this to be in the most productive way possible. Now I'm going to hit my reset button and refocus on the right thing. That's a very simple process. So think about it like this. Let's say you get you lose the round, right? comes in like Damn, man, I lost that first round. Like, what if I don't win the next one, pause and control the past, I'm just gonna focus on doing really well in the next 15 seconds in the first round. Right? Then you're going to hit your reset button. The difference is you're not just taking a deep breath. you're inhaling confidence or exhaling doubt you're inhaling good stuff or exhaling bad stuff. Or physical gesture. Nice that have something tangible sociated with it, otherwise, you're just yeah, you're inhaling oxygen? Yeah, right. Like, inhaling confidence, exhaling doubt, inhaling the good stuff, exhaling the bad stuff, taking off the bullshit, focus on the good shit. Yeah, like the when you have a productive when you have a physical gesture, you paired up with a productive response, right? You're not that's like the equivalent of like, you know, I'm gonna take a deep breath and expect something to change. I'm going to be distracted by something. But I'm not going to refocus my brain, on the road in front of me. Makes sense. It makes it hard to swim like this.
Unknown Speaker 1:11:43
For sure, for sure. It to me, it sounds like you're taking whatever physical gesture it is for you and just associating it with something extremely positive, to put you in a better mind, state, whatever that is.
Unknown Speaker 1:11:54
That's awesome. 100%. It just allows you to win the moment, right? If I want you to compete 15 seconds at a time. If you win more moments, you win more minutes to win more minutes, you win more rounds, you want more rounds you fight. So if you win more mornings, when we're afternoons were more warm or afternoon. Like if you win more hours, you win more, you win more days, you win more days, human more week, human more weeks, you win more months or more months, you win more years, but you're so focused on this or this, that you can only control what's right in front of you.
Unknown Speaker 1:12:21
I love though, and for someone like yeah, sorry, I was just gonna say that. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 1:12:26
great. No worries. I'm just gonna say and I don't want you to say exactly what you were gonna say. But I meant to say this before. And my ADD made me forget is that all these things sound great, no gratitude being present and all these things. This only works. When you have intentional exercises on a daily basis that you do to actually build them like you can't bank or clock or read about these things. You have to do them. You can't talk about mindset, you must do mindset training. Well, if I want to weaponize gratitude, being present, resetting, I'm doing it every day. And I'm evaluating how good of a job I'm doing every day. And then I'm setting intentions the next day on how I'm going to do X, Y, and Z no different than like yesterday, you didn't do good. Getting out of closed guard. So tomorrow, before practice or after practice, you're going to spend an extra 10 minutes breaking and passing so that you can work on X, Y and Z. Well, the same thing goes for your mindset. And, you know, when it comes to gratitude, there's very specific questions that I have my athletes answer on a daily basis. And Kendall can tell you that like these lists of like seven questions, she screenshotted and sent to her and the other like four or five coaches that she has every day for like four or five months, okay, every single day, for her own accountability, but like it allows us to be more focused in practice or precedent practice that allows us to, on a mindset and technical side, like grow quickly, instead of just working hard and hoping we get where we want to be. I'm in a business of like, I want to be your insurance policy to where I want to know what I'm getting Fight Night. I don't want to hope that you did enough. And, you know, that's that's, you know, really like that only comes with making it a part of your of your every day. Like I can't talk about bicep curls. If I want bigger biceps, I should physically do the curls.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:20
Yeah, it's just like everything else. When you're an athlete, you know, practice, practice, practice. And that's great. I'm glad you mentioned the fact that it's got to be a daily thing. And it sounds like you and you know the winning mindset basically provide each athlete with the tools and the exercises, but they have to do the work just like a coach provides you with the skills but you have to put the time in in the gym, you have to do the road work, you got to cut the weight. So that's awesome love that. I'd love to touch on faith based athletes because you and I were talking prior about gratitude and I just came up organically. I said sometimes I see some of these religious You know, faith, faith based athletes, originally just athletes, and you know, I'm agnostic, and I don't have that kind of driving force behind me. And I've actually had this thought like, man, just it's a silly thought, right? I'm like, I kind of wish I was religious so that I could have this, like, I get it. Oh, you know, and I'm like, Okay, well, does that put me at a disadvantage to like, you know, this chicken fighting who's like fighting for God, and a higher purpose and a higher power? Whatever it is, you know, like, can you talk about that a little bit? Is there any way for me to have that same motivation, that same drive and be as successful as some of these faith based athletes?
Unknown Speaker 1:15:39
Yes, 100%. So I will go back to Penn State wrestling, okay. And state wrestling. Like I said, they've won nine out of the last night out in the last 12, nine out of 10 of them are in a row. And they almost exclusively recruit almost exclusively, they heavily recruit faith based athletes. Okay? When, when God is first wrestling is not. Right. So what does that mean? Like their identity is not connected for wrestling, their identity isn't something bigger than the typical people that we think of as like stupid, deep in their faith, they also tend to be very grateful, right? I'm talking real deal not like people to talk about up, it'll be about it. Yeah, there's like anything else in life, right. So a lot of the principles that faith not necessarily religion, but like faith, even like higher power, whatever you want to look at spirituality, that those principles that come from somebody that like, know that firepower God is first. What that means is that it's like God, family, friends, who will rear listening, some fun thing that they do with their friends fighting from fun thing that they do, that they love. A lot of us our identity is connected and winning, identities connected and how much money we make our identities connected with how we look towards other people, our identity is connected in something that we can't control in control money, technical outcomes. And what that does, that puts a lot of pressure particularly in like bigger moments, right? So maybe you're a practicing champion, but like you get, you get out there and compete. And all of a sudden, you don't compete the same way you practice, you practice better than you compete, right? You hear I get if you take Penn State 90% of them. You hear in their interviews, been literally it sounds like they've been coached, but they're not fun, gratitude, process portunity. And God, most of them will will thank God first. And then we'll talk about all these other things. By the way, I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, Penn State is the only Division One wrestling program in the entire country. There have a fully savvy staff mindset coach that is solely directed to only their team. The she does she who is elderly, does not work with anyone else in the country. Only Penn State's wrestling team. He travels with them everywhere, versus most teams don't even have access to or don't purchase or don't subscribe to that sort of thing. So
Unknown Speaker 1:18:13
that's huge. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's like a trailer for what you do. That's a commercial for what you do right there.
Unknown Speaker 1:18:20
You have to say, right, I will talk about why more division one wrestling programs, don't do that and keep trying to beat them at wrestling budget, realize it has nothing to do with budget, though is another part, right? We want to make sure they're doing it their way with their philosophy and whatever, that's cool. But the team that's killing everyone does a particular set of things. And I would do my version of whatever it is. Yeah. Anyways, a lot of the best wrestlers, particularly like they're always talking about faith outside are hella Maroulis Mensa that just remember, the one that you want in the Olympics are always talking about faith as like a big mental edge for them. And again, going back to like, What's your why? So on state wrestling is a vehicle to glorify God with the gifts that He gave them. So wrestling was a gift they have worked hard to from God that cultivated this gift. And they will be doing him a disservice to not be aggressive and relentless and kind of score points and might be exciting to watch. Okay, so now that we understand, like, the faith based perspective of like, you know, when God is involved, how can I coach this to people? And why is this you know, who read my Instagram post about upsets? Why is it that having a clear and strong why that is bigger than you and connect you to winning so important, right? So, you know, when there's a higher power, right? I'm surrendering, like, I don't wrestle to win, I wrestle for God, I don't, I don't wrestle. To be an NCAA champion. I want to I want to glorify God and my family and showcase my hard work, things that are controllable and performance related. So if God is not it for you, you have to compete for something that's bigger than you. That's not good. Next to winning love of the sport, wielding your legacy chasing some sort of history. So, Matt Ramos just beat Spencer Lee, three time defending NCAA champion biggest upset probably in college wrestling history. He literally said the night before, like, they asked him an interview like What's your why? My wise is takeout Spencer Lee, I want to take out the most dominant restaurant and sit up late I want to make history. So it's bigger than him. It's not connected to winning, even when he was losing in the map, even when he got a bad call. He was winning eight nothing against fence really earlier in the year and Spencer penned them. Right. Like, despite all those things, my when you know your what, right? You can always find your way, when you know why you can always figure out how. So people's y's are connected to things that they can't control. People's lives are connected to things that are not that are self induced, that are about them. They're about other I'm sorry, that are about other people. Right. And when they do that, when things get difficult, when you know your why you'll find your way you can dig deep. So finding that thing that's bigger than you are not connected a winning like I want to focus so good. I am like, I want to show my growth. I want to inspire young women, I want to show people that like whatever whatever the case may be. Has to be bigger than you so 2021 national champion for trophy there. Why was they wanted to snap a 20 year winning streak for their opponent. particular thing with regards to winning. And they wanted to there were a bunch of fifth and sixth year seniors that stayed from COVID to help this team win a national championship first one in school history. Right? So there why was bigger than winning. So when they were losing, they found a way to come back. When they were losing with a minute and a half left, they tie the game went to double overtime and found a way to beat a team that I don't know the last time that they beat them.
Unknown Speaker 1:21:59
So when you find you're sorry, no, no, no. When you find your why. And it's bigger than winning, because that's the goal. And you start to lose and you're able to dig deeper. Is is I mean is that? Is that like taking some of the pressure off? Because yes,
Unknown Speaker 1:22:18
yes. Because you're competing for things that make you excited, you're excited to make history you're excited to put on for your boys. You're excited to make your parents proud, you're excited to inspire other people versus stressed about winning or losing stress about money.
Unknown Speaker 1:22:34
We reframed it, you know, into a positive way someone like me, who may be you know, along the lines of the faith based athletes, okay, and I'm trying to find my why my higher reason my bigger reason, okay, it's clicking for me for sure. It's an understand without
Unknown Speaker 1:22:51
a why we can't, we can't over like why is what overcomes adversity, a talent? Talent is what overcomes adversity or why was when it allows you to overcome adversity. One of the one of the biggest things that I try to help build in people is that like, you know, they're the top and the top 1% of people. They're not just the most talented, they're the most what I would call far detail, anti fragile. Adversity is an advantage for them. Right? You don't dig like you don't dig super deep when you don't have a very clear why. Because winning doesn't necessarily allow you just to dig that deep. Right? You You have to be able to revisit, be resistant to adversity and then embrace and like use it as an advantage. Mark Guzman against Gilbert burns gets rocked first round almost loses combat makes makes a change comes back. Round two, right? You can be durable, you can be tough. Tony, Tony Ferguson is very durable. Right? What Tony Ferguson is not is very adaptable, right? So yes, he can eat 400 punches. But he can't make the changes to make the adjustment in a fight that Comoros man could do. So when you're durable and adaptable, you become hard to kill. And when you're a top 1% talent, you can weather the adversity and you can make changes on the fly. Because emotionally, you're connected. You can find something to dig for.
Unknown Speaker 1:24:19
Oh, yeah, yeah. But the athletes that are most six, the athletes that are most successful are the athletes that can adapt in the moment. Because you know, there's that phrase, everybody's got a plan until you get punched in the face or whatever it is. 100% Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. And I'm thinking you know, just off the top of my head I'm like everyone has a Why isn't you know I'm sure it's easy to help people find their why because they have many multiple, but it's more so. Helping them focus. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 1:24:48
yes. Well, finding the right one. Okay, finding the right one because I could ask you what your why is and most people that lack emotional intelligence will tell me Well, I would like well, okay, why are you why are you going to commit to give 100 sent for this fight. They'll be like, I want to win. I want to win. When you take control winning you how many times at least get a fighter give, have a great performance and still lose? All the time? Yeah, that's the easy. As a fighter, you want to surrender the outcome. Think of all the fighters that definitely won fights, like, like Jared Gordon, and did not win. Right? Let's look at how many times we've seen the wrong guy or girl get their hand raise. And we're like, well site that you watch. Damn it, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's finding the right why finding the right why. And then you just have to understand, like, the foundation of literally everything and mindset training is being in alignment. Right? There's, there's four things that I believe that athlete needs to do what I can make them capable of doing. They need to be grateful, resilient, intentional, and totally committed. Right. So grit, right? We'll talk about being gritty, gritty, to me means something else that I can intentionally teach you not just Hadley talk to you about those things. Right? But like without why there is no way there's like your why is the concrete targets into your house. And if it is not strong it is it is not clear for houses built on sand or houses spoke on cracks. And most people are focused on the decor in their bedroom not being foundation of their house and the framework for their home. And before they before they put the drywall and then have the bathroom that they want.
Unknown Speaker 1:26:26
Makes sense for sure. I'm thinking right now. I'm like, what if you have multiple wise, do you need to narrow it down to one so that you don't become overwhelmed with your wise? I personally feel like I have at least three wise? For sure.
Unknown Speaker 1:26:38
Your 10? Yeah, for sure. Like, that's the word you just said? What have you been? Like, you can't have 30? Like, you can? There's no, there's no number, but like, you definitely have to have like narrowed it down. Like there's a lot of people that like bigger pictures you just make the bigger, you know, you just make the picture narrow and measurable. When it's measurable. It can be managed when it's measurable. Like when it's tangible. We can handle it again. Why don't we bring up worst case scenarios the night before? Because this way when it happens, doesn't like
Unknown Speaker 1:27:06
to it's not? Yeah, it's not?
Unknown Speaker 1:27:08
Yeah, it's like, it's just a thing that I have to respond to you not? Oh, my God, what do I do? What do I do here, right? That happens all the time in my fights and rustling and in games. And by five down by five, like, we got to have the same energy and attitude. But when it comes to why like that is me building the foundation in your house, if you're not in, like one of the concepts and you're being grateful and being in alignment. Why I'm doing something has to align with what I love in order for me to, to figure out how to accomplish it. Why what how?
Unknown Speaker 1:27:41
Yes, makes makes a lot of sense. Now, I know it's getting kind of late in the podcast, but I wouldn't be doing my job if it didn't, you know, circle back to, you know, love dating, romance, violence, all that stuff. So I guess the easiest question just kind of get into it is do you see athletes struggling with their relationships? And their competition schedule? Or just competition in general? Or just training? Like, what have you experienced folk working with athletes along the romance lines? You know, and what are some things that you can help with? Or, you know, it's kind of a weird question, you know, is that even
Unknown Speaker 1:28:17
something that's actually not it's actually not weird at all? Okay. Is that
Unknown Speaker 1:28:21
out of your realm? Or is that something that you commonly deal with?
Unknown Speaker 1:28:25
I've definitely had a play therapist before, okay. So it's, it's when you can control how you act, think and feel in the printing room, you're probably going to do a better job of acting, thinking and feeling in your relationship or vice versa. If I want you to reset and your UFC title fight, I gotta, I gotta get you resetting in your fights on the way up there. But when it gets you resetting, in your average fights, I got you, I gotta get you to reset your sparring. Once you reset during sparring, I gotta, I gotta get you to reset. During practices, I want you to reset your practices where you got like, 12 hours in the day, when you're home to be able to reset, right? Why do I say that? Because if you want to be like, precise and focused in your fight, and then your training, then other parts of your life can't be messy. If you're sloppy in one part of your life, then you will be then that will carry over into other parts. So usually, fighters are very talented, but they're over the years, like their personal life has interfered with choices, their habits has interfered with, with what they're able to accomplish. So if you're if you're if your relationship is not contributing to your home, I say this if your relationship is not contributing your personal life, your your romantic life is not adding value then it's taking away like there's only two buttons when you press an elevator up or down. Right. So the things that you're doing and what you're spending your time and emotional energy with either helping or hurting you. Okay? concise Yeah. So now, if somebody struggles to manage their emotions in reading, it's going to be no different. And one will help the other. But if if we're struggling, if we're struggling at home for whatever reason, or there may be at home, it's going to probably carry over to what's going on in the training room. So I would say again, you know, like the, when you're able to maintain emotional control, I could teach you that, and you learn how to do that in fighting, it's going to teach you how to do that life. So if you were good at it, now you're great at it. And like, Yeah, we were we were bad at it. Now. You're decent at it. But we don't just talk sports, right? Like, obviously, each week, you know, it's a combination of worksheet based material, right? Or pumped up paper material. And then also the mentorship from coach to athlete. So Hey, Jimmy Pro, like, how did training go? What else is going on in your life, like, if there's something going on, we're going to talk about, I'm not here to give you clarity, but I'm gonna give you like an educated third party opinion for someone who objectively has your best interests at heart. And I'm gonna say things that maybe other people in your circle wall, because you've hired me, to help you perform your best. I'm gonna say shirt, even if it hurts, we're gonna want to hear you could get what you want. Yeah, but I'll tell you, this is gonna help you win. He's gonna help you in
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