Ep.57 Janay Harding
Hey guys, welcome back to sex and violence rebel group, where we interviewed top level MMA fighters and other experts in their field about love, romance. And that's all too taboo subject. I'm your host, Ashley,
Unknown Speaker 0:32
Rebel girl. I was talking about sex. What's happening? Hot Stuff?
Unknown Speaker 0:53
What's up all my naughty listeners, I am happy to be back. Did you miss me, I missed you guys. Last week, we had to take a much needed break, I got a really cool opportunity to play a small role in a movie. And I'm going to tell you more about that right now. But if you guys are first time listeners, this is the part of the show where I basically give you an update about my personal life, whether it's my own relationships, my fighting career, or whatever else I have going on. So bear with me, the interview comes next. If you're a longtime listener, then you know that I was telling you guys about a few different things coming up, not just the movie, but I was auditioning for a virtual trainer job and want to let you guys know that I did not get the job. Well, you know, I, I really did get my hopes up a little bit. And I, you know, kind of saw myself making a smooth transition into, you know, from fighting into maybe being a virtual trainer, it would keep me in the fighting world, but you know, obviously, less impact and, you know, not as dangerous as fighting anymore. But, and realistically, this company? They didn't say no, they said it's not it's not a no, it's not right now, which to me basically sounds like it's not you it's me kind of situation. And this The situation is that they feel that I would be a better fit for there.
Unknown Speaker 2:27
In the works, MMA, I guess MMA section platform that they want to come out with right now, they're just strictly boxing and kickboxing, and they think that I would be a better fit for the MMA portion that they're developing right now. So, you know, I said, Yes, I'd be interested in, you know, maybe in six months to a year, taking that position. But you know, I don't even know where the hell I'm going to be six weeks from now, let alone six months. So, you know, I, you know, want to keep you guys updated, it is a little bit of a letdown. But at the same time, I'm happy that I put myself out there and it really did light a, you know, a fire under my butt, I started running more started eating a little bit better, because I was gonna be on camera and go through this audition. So, you know, no harm, no foul, they actually paid me for the audition, too, which is kind of cool. So, you know, I said it last time on the podcast, you miss 100 shots that you don't take that kind of a situation. You know, I didn't, I didn't get this shot. I didn't, I didn't you know, Slam Dunk and, you know, feel good or whatever, you know, but I attempted and I think that's really important. And, you know, just a few days later, I got another new opportunity. So, you know, I can't really be too butthurt about things not working out exactly the way I want. Let's face it, you guys who listen to me every week, you know, I'm still mid recovery, I still got a good chunk of time before I'm fully back in the cage and training mixed martial arts. I'm still recovering from spine surgery in December. So this could be a blessing in disguise that I didn't get the job because, you know, I probably shouldn't be doing eight hours of kicking and punching on camera. I should just be focusing on my PT and you know, rest and getting myself back 100% ready for the octagon. So you know, easy come easy go situation and then the movie. I can't wait to tell you guys. It's called psychiatry's, and it is written and directed by Christie Lopez, who is another badass female fighter. You should check her out at Christie Lopez on Instagram. I'm gonna put all these names that I'm about to talk about in the show notes so you can check out all these cool people. But the movies written by her directed by her and co produced by her fiance, Daniel Moncada. I hope I pronounced that right. He is he's an actor who I think is most famous for his work on Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. Super legit guy. Very nice, very funny guy. I got to work with him. I got to work with other actors and stunt performers, Brenda, oh my gosh, I don't want to miss this up because they're amazing people. Brenda Lorena Garcia she is about four foot, nothing but she is a super amazing stunt woman and an actress as well. And then I met Jason Scott Jenkins, who is an actor and stunt man in Hollywood very established. I learned a lot from him. And then the stunt coordinator is his name. His real name is Hey, Soos Trujillo but everyone calls him baby Jesus. And he was the coordinator for the stunts on the on this movie. And I learned so much from him as well. Fun fact he is a former professional boxer with over 200 fights. Christie, the directors of fighter Jason Scott Jenkins is a former boxer. A lot of the another UFC fighter Jalen Turner's in the movie, his coach Anthony Murtada is in the movie, it's actually a set, even the production, the crew will think they call him flex, he's a big boy. And he is a mixed martial arts advocate as well. Everyone was into mixed martial arts, whether they were a coach, a fighter, a former fighter, you know, enthusiast, and it was a really cool experience. I would love to tell you more about the movie, but I think it's still, you know, it's finishing up production right now. So I'll talk more, you know, in, in coming episodes, and whatnot, but I just loved it, you know, I think it was something that I've always wanted to do, but I have never had a real opportunity. And I don't know if this is the route that I want to go post spike career, because, you know, a week ago, I thought I wanted to be a female Billy blanks, you know, with the virtual trainer job. I think, right now I'm just, you know, testing the waters and seeing, you know, throwing pasta at the wall and seeing what sticks. And I think that's what we all have to do, we can't just close our eyes and hope that the next opportunity is going to be, you know, perfect, you got to try a lot of things before things pan out, and you figure out what you want to do. Or maybe I'm one of those people who does a lot of things you know, have a podcast, or a fight and a coach and a virtual trainer and stunt work or whatever. But I wanted to share that with you guys, because it was an amazing experience. And as soon as I can tell you the details on the movie, I'll share those with you. But for now, just stay tuned. And I'll put all those links to all those amazing people in the show notes. And then lastly, before we get to our guest, I wanted to talk about kind of a sensitive, important serious topic, something that happened to me recently. I know that you longtime listeners know that I talk about my sobriety journey a lot and how Actually, I'm almost one week from two years sober, which is a long time for me. And you know, I try not to beat you guys over the head with it. Because, you know, if you're a drinker, and that's your thing, cool, more power to you. But it's, it's my reality. It's my podcast. And so I'm going to talk about what's going on with me. And it's been a really cool two years, like I said, movies, cool opportunities, you know, you know, I'm obviously going through the rehab and a surgery and whatnot. But regardless of that, my life is really, really good, so much better now that I'm sober than it ever was when I was drinking in Busan and whatever. But, you know, for those of you who are going through your sober journey, I wanted to talk about this because maybe it's happening to you. And I thought, let's talk about it. So when I got sober, I took a lot of toxic people out of my life, exes, negative friends that were still around because of history, not really what they brought into my life coaches, and just anyone that didn't add value to my life, or that made my life a little bit more hard to deal with, I cut them. And I was okay with that. And my life, you know, progressively got better. What I wasn't
Unknown Speaker 9:19
prepared for and what you never prepare for is when people when you start to make good decisions for yourself, and change your life and go in a positive direction. You don't think about people losing people when you're doing good. And recently I lost a friend who,
Unknown Speaker 9:37
you know, basically decided that I wasn't the same person and these last two years and it really hurt me. You know, I chuckle about it, but it broke my heart. And, you know, it basically comes down to the basic facts that I am not available to this friend as much as I was. And I don't want to do the same things or go to the same events. That's kind of like, well, no fucking shit, right? Like, I'm not the same person anymore. And so I wanted to talk about this because if you two are going through your sobriety journey, and someone's telling you, you know, you're not the same person, you've changed, whatever, right? That's good. That's okay. And if those people don't want to be around you, or you know, don't want to be your friend anymore. Fuck them, you know, it may hurt at first, but I think eventually you'll realize that it's for the best. And so, you know, I wanted to share that little information with you. You know, it's not all sunshine and roses when you get sober. It's not all sunshine and roses ever in our life, right peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. But I'm Joey D is to reference an awesome guy. He actually talked about this on his episode this past week, on his podcast, the joint, he said that when he moved to a, he moved to Jersey from LA, first few months, he didn't even feel like himself. He felt like just, you know, like, it wasn't him in his own skin. And later, he realized, like, yeah, cuz he's not the same person. He's not surrounding himself with the same people, his priorities have changed. He's more focused on being a father than you know, you know, pursuing his career or whatever. And I wasn't going to talk about it. But then I'm such a fan of Joey and how real he is, and how he talks about subjects that aren't normally talked about. And that's exactly what we talked about here on sex and violence. So I wanted to bring that up. It sucks. It's heartbreaking. You know, it's never fun to lose a friend. But if you're going through something like this, I just want to say, you know, keep doing you. This is not that's not a sign that you're making bad decisions. It's just gonna happen. But Alright, enough mushy stuff. I wanted to let you guys know that if you want to email me doesn't matter about what it could be about sponsorship opportunities. Maybe you guys want to promote something on the podcast, you want to work with us? You got a guest idea. You want to tell me that? You know, I'm doing good that I suck. Whatever the email is sex and violence. email@example.com sorry for all of you who tried to email the old email. This is the new email it is sex and violent podcast all spelled firstname.lastname@example.org. Unfortunately, there are no fights tomorrow. I'm super bummed. I was working on that movie last week. So I didn't get to watch the fights and now I'm kind of craving some fights. But my birthday weekend, which is next weekend that his birthday is July 9. The UFC fights are July 10. And that is UFC 264. We will see a blockbuster of a trilogy between Dustin Poirier and Conor McGregor. Everyone's talking about this fight. I mean, I think Porsche is just gonna, you know, do what he did last time. I mean, I'm sure Conor McGregor has tweaked some things maybe won't go exactly the same. But if I had to put my money on someone, I'm gonna put my money on Dustin. Maybe that's controversial. I don't know. There's probably way more Connor fans than poria fans but that's that's my pick the rest of the cards pretty rad too. We got Gilbert burns versus Wonderboy Thompson tied to Vyasa versus Greg Hardy. I just always want Ty to the author to win so he can do a Shuey and drink the beer out of the shoe. I renal Donna versus Yana Cooney corner could not gonna get your name right. I'm sorry. Sean O'Malley versus he has a new opponent. It was Louis smoker but now he's been replaced. Sorry, I you know, didn't do my research. Good enough guys, but just quick google search, you can find that. So watch those fights. Next weekend. I'll be watching I'll be celebrating my birthday. And I want to ask you guys have you ever tried CBD vape I know people are talking and there's some good things or some bad things about vape and I really wasn't into it until I tried a botanical bloom CBD vape Pink Lemonade flavor. It is frickin delicious. And you know, a botanical bloom. CBD is an amazing company. They've got a whole slew of products. They've got tinctures, gummies, hand sanitizer, lip balm, all of it and all their products are lab tested and provide a QR code on every box to track the results which is very important. If you care about what you put in your body. They go follow them at a botanical bloom on Facebook and on Instagram or check them out their website, www dot a botanical bloom.com and be sure to use the code Ashley MMA to get 20% off all products. Now speaking of sponsors, here's a message from our sponsor who wants to help you love better and love more. It's summer camping season. Let's talk about pitching tense. That's right. This episode is sponsored by blue chew. Blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in chewable tablets at a fraction The cost, the process is simple. Sign up at Blue chu.com consult with one of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. The best part, it's all done online. So no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped direct to your door in a discreet package. Guys, there's nothing sexier than confidence and Bluetooth can help give you the confidence where it counts. So if you can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform, Bluetooth can help. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try blue Chu free when you use promo code Ashlee a sh l e at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. That's Blue chu.com promo code Ashlee a sh l e to receive your first month free. Visit Bluetooth comm for more details and important safety information. Ladies, Bluetooth is exclusively for men, but the end result is something you'll both enjoy. So get your man to sign up. Today's guest is a New Zealand born professional mixed martial artist fighting out of Sydney Australia. At 26 years old. She is six and five in her Professional MMA record with competition experience in Muay Thai professional boxing and jujitsu. She currently fights for the bellator MMA promotion and is number seven in the female featherweight rankings. We talk about dreams of fighting Cyborg disgust for feet, Harley's music and the beach, the toxicity gauntlet, parking structure, playtime and so much more. Here is your guest Janae hollowpoint. Harding. Going forward whatever comes our way.
Unknown Speaker 18:01
Okay, we are here with Janae Harding hollowpoint. Thank you so much for joining us. Good morning. I guess it's 730 over in Sydney, correct? Yes, that is correct. Good morning. Good afternoon here in Orange County. But thanks for joining us. I
Unknown Speaker 18:20
really appreciate it. No worries. Definitely from where I got to be Orange County beautiful weather right now. Yeah. Weren't you actually just training here in Orange County?
Unknown Speaker 18:31
Yeah, yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 18:31
was just thinking that I should definitely linked up. I was there mainly at ruka. But I kind of went between Orange County and San Diego and I got to visit Hebrew places, which was amazing.
Unknown Speaker 18:43
Yeah, I was stalking you on Instagram. And I saw that you got to train with all the awesome girls down at San Diego combat Academy. ilima Lei. And that whole squad and then yeah, ruka Who do you train with over there Jason Perillo?
Unknown Speaker 18:58
Yeah, yeah, mainly Jason Boudreau and a couple other people and obviously everyone's always in and out of that gym. So that was good.
Unknown Speaker 19:05
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Beautiful gym. I love that place. So stetic right. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the perfect place for a photoshoot. Yeah, absolutely. And that's what we did. So I know you we all know you for about a month ago. Let's talk MMA before we get into the juicy stuff what is on the horizon any fights lined up? What's Where's your focus right now?
Unknown Speaker 19:30
Um, obviously it just came back from a loss of course something that I kind of didn't really expect but at the same time, it's sort of I weirdly even like this his opinion of it and other other people are really kind of have similar momentum as if I had won the fight because of I guess, because of their performance and the amount of people that saw it and which is positive so I am hoping for a quick turnaround especially cuz I didn't get any injuries. But like, you know, it's it's always out of that. control as to when and where especially with the times at the moment. Luckily Bella Tory is definitely going to be a little bit more active on on the shows and everything and it's cool to see that they're branching out of the Mohegan as I think a lot of people thought that we will kind of be just there for the next year or so. But there's gonna be some shows in LA and stuff. And obviously I'd love to to be on as soon as possible. So I'm hoping to have at least I want to have two before the end of the year but at least one more and, and yeah, keep the momentum going from that last spot. That's awesome.
Unknown Speaker 20:35
If there was one thing I mean, I'm sure you're taking a lot away from that performance. But you know, they always say you learn more from losses than you do from wins. If there was one major thing that you're taking away from that last performance what would it be
Unknown Speaker 20:53
I think a lot of you expect me to have taken away like the mistake that I made in the way of judgment but all in all, like I'm taking away a lot of positives and taking away physically I'm the best that I've not only like looked at statically but I I'm it's like I'm not like say I think in some of my fights I've been like the strongest I've ever been or whatever but this is probably the most adapted to MMA that my body has been like it's perfect balance of kind of like Masekela great for cardio great for insurance great for like rotational power. All these things that's like, I probably like the most functional I've been and then of course, like, I think I was just like the most comfortable I've ever seen myself perform within the cage and and obviously I'm like up to 11 profiles now. So I took a little while to get there. But at the same time I think I'm that kind of having that in your repertoire is like massive and Oh, just played pay dividends in my next performances and everything like that.
Unknown Speaker 21:56
Yeah, do you expect to go over there and kind of as soon as you get booked, come back here for camp is that what you plan to do back go back and forth.
Unknown Speaker 22:07
I'm sorry, some more I definitely want to I think I especially after that last trip, I definitely want to come over maybe a couple of weeks earlier, it may not be like straight away, just because I still have to organize everything on this side of the world. But I definitely want to at least finished my camp over there just to get there a little bit earlier than usual every up to like six fights or balance or and every single one I end up getting there. Maybe five or six days before and obviously it's it's a bit of a lag to get over there. Back 20 to 24 hours of traveling. Yeah, so like, I guess a climatized would definitely be I think massive for me for once. I've always just kind of like taking it on the chin and being like, you know what, like, we're just going to travel as part of it. Like that's what I have to do. And that's that's my problem for I guess being all the way over here. But um, but yeah, for once I actually want to say what it's like to get there a little bit earlier and a climb class first and then perform and do all of fight weekend. Everything that it entails in the weight cutting and stuff, but not having to travel that should be really cool.
Unknown Speaker 23:17
Yeah, yeah, it's definitely different when you can acclimate beforehand, it's just one less thing that you have to worry about. I mean, we're already hungry and nervous and you know, stressed and whatever. Why be sleep deprived and you know, have your you know, circadian rhythm all out of whack and whatnot. I that is a really big thing for me. I am such a grandma these days, I go to bed really early. And if I miss one day, if I stay up like till two or three in the morning, like the next day, I feel like I'm hung over. I'm like, Oh,
Unknown Speaker 23:50
yeah, even like when like after that fight finished. Obviously, I was enjoying myself and drinking every now and again. I don't think I got a hangover, which is wild because there was nights where I drank quite a lot. It wasn't the hangover that got me it was the sleep deprivation. Yeah, I was turned into the worst human being possible.
Unknown Speaker 24:08
It's like, like, I
Unknown Speaker 24:09
hate it here. everything sucks. I hate most like,
Unknown Speaker 24:14
yeah, as I get older, I'm realizing how important sleep is. You know, I'm like, oh, if I just eat right and trade my ass off. I'll be fine. Like, no sleep is important as well.
Unknown Speaker 24:26
Absolutely. And you probably have an aura ring, but I have a whoop. And I think like now that I have the whoop, I get like a little bit too. Like I wake up on my art. How's that sleep? How much room do they have? How much deep sleep did I have? How much sleep do I have? How many times I wake up and then like it kind of like made me a little bit more, I guess accountable for it. And I think I don't know if that's positive and negative. But I'm like if I didn't get a certain amount of numbers that I want to see. Then I get angry or maybe it's placebo but it's also just like sleep deprivation affects me a lot. No, I
Unknown Speaker 24:58
love the aura ring. I'm not wearing it at the moment, the UFC was very cool and gave all the UFC fighters or rings, you have the whoop. For those of you listening who don't know what that is they are, it's a ring or a watch. And it's basically a sleep tracking device. But also, I don't know exactly what whoop tracks, it also tracks your calorie expenditure and a few other really cool things that I don't really take full advantage of. But for me, when I wake up and you check your app, it doesn't really like change what I do it just sometimes I'm like, Oh, I got shit sleep. Okay, you know, then I'm like, Oh, I got eight hours of sleep. Okay, keep it moving. Change, but at least I know, I guess but so far, like over assessment? For sure. I definitely hope. So I did my research, like I always do. And one thing about you that that stuck out right away was, you don't really have too many naughty or risque pictures on your social media. And I was like, oh, but you know, so it made me think like, wow, like, she doesn't, you know, you don't really project this like super, you know, sexual image, you're very beautiful. But at the same time, it's more of like a, like a Disney version. You know, like, I think I told you on the phone the first time we spoke that you're like the perfect Nike, Adidas, like major corporation type of model. So I'm excited to have you on the show. I feel like this is getting to show your followers and all your fans another side that you don't normally showcase.
Unknown Speaker 26:35
Absolutely. And thank you so much for the kind words, it's it's definitely something that a few of my friends sort of bought out. And they were like, Yeah, I think that's cool. Like it, it was just, it's great that you offer the platform for one, and then it's great for us to kind of Yeah, open up a little bit and just venture into these topics that may be people didn't expect me to venture into. And I guess it's like, just because I don't show it doesn't mean, doesn't mean it's not part of my personality, in a sense, but it's just obviously not part of my personality to flaunt it on the internet, it's definitely something that I keep conserved to my own private life and stuff, which is I think, like, for me, it's just more authentic to myself. It's not for everyone, but, but that kind of works for me. And then of course, like you said, like more brand, being a little bit more brand conscious. It's sort of helped me with a lot of the brands that I've collaborated with in the past, and I think it will, it will ongoing and it's just sort of like it keeps keeps that image where you can still sort of speak to the younger generation, and I guess, keep your demographic pretty,
Unknown Speaker 27:36
Unknown Speaker 27:37
Yeah, and that's so smart. You know, not that, you know, the other side, you know, putting your whole life on social media or being more risque or showing more of your body? Not that that's not okay, that is totally okay, I talk about how I think only fans and all these different platforms are very empowering for women. For someone like you, who doesn't have an only fans, you're a little bit more, you know, conservative with, you know, your your photoshoots. And that kind of stuff. How do you perceive only fans?
Unknown Speaker 28:12
Yeah, honestly, like, I think it's fantastic. I think it's a, he's a great avenue for a lot of girls, like, obviously, it's super popular at the moment. And that is the avenue they're taking, but these girls are making like absolute black dollars in like websites and stuff. And I think it's the perfect complement to a lifestyle where we train 24 seven, and we're constantly on the move, and you can't necessarily work a nine to five and get a consistent income through those kinds of things. And it's definitely something I've always not like, push for, in a sense, but I've supported from a distance, even though I'm on like kind of the other end of the spectrum. I'm definitely not against it. I'm open to all these different things. But it's sort of like what I attempt to bring to I guess the MMA stereotype is just another options and diversity, just the fact that you maybe there's some girls that don't feel like it's authentic to themselves, but do feel like there is a lot of pressure, especially in the MMA world, or even combat sports world that they kind of have to show this risk Ace, like, sexy, feminine person, but for them, it's not necessarily authentic to their personality, but they're just feeling the pressure from society or a little bit desperate for money. Because as we know, this game can be very savage in the way of finance and stuff, but I'm kind of like showing that you don't Yeah. You don't have to, like you can still make money I can still I can still make money. I'm definitely not making anywhere near as much as these girls are making but there's way around it and you don't necessarily have to, I guess so you saw when the sense of it's not something that you're comfortable with, to make money and to progress in this world and to get the exposure that you want.
Unknown Speaker 29:56
Yeah, and I feel that you know, you said Some women feel like they have to show that sexy side. But I also feel like a lot of women feel like, as a female mixed martial artists, we are almost put into that kind of Butch category. And so a lot of the women that I've had on here are excited because they like to showcase their strong side, and also their sexy side. And sometimes people feel like, you know, you can't be both you're either, you know, that, you know, very sexy fighter or you're, you know, the short haircut, and there's no middle ground. And I know a lot of women are excited to kind of show like, you can be sexy and strong, and you don't have to choose a side. So I love it. I think it's a great platform, I'm just too lazy, I think, you know, I'm like, the idea of like, putting the makeup on, and then like, getting the ring light and like arching your back. And I'm like, that just doesn't that doesn't do it for me.
Unknown Speaker 30:50
Yeah, absolutely. And that's the same as me, like, I struggle to even post enough on Instagram, which is like my main platform that I use, let alone having to kind of worry about like a fan site or really fans. But the fact that these goes do shows that, you know, there is like a lot of hard work behind it. There's a lot of like organizing photoshoots or, or making sure you have content, and I do social media for another company. Like I outsource my social media as well. And it's it's time consuming. Like it's, it's not I mean, rocket science, but it is time consuming. And it's and it's like a lot of Yeah, making sure you're on top of the algorithm and all these other crazy things. So, so these guys are working for their money, for sure. And it's just like a great platform for them to use to get like the massive income that it is.
Unknown Speaker 31:37
I agree. So you don't normally showcase the personal side of your life. But that's what we're all about. So I'm gonna just cut to the chase. Two questions right off the bat. How do you identify sexually? Are you straight gay by pansexual? And then also, what's your dating status? Are you single, married, divorced?
Unknown Speaker 31:57
Currently, single, very, very single, which is nice and straight? Yeah, I've always been straight. And I always kind of jokingly say, unfortunately, but at the same time, I don't know if I would be able to handle females as much as I can.
Unknown Speaker 32:15
I know, I've joked around a lot. And I actually gotten a little bit of trouble. I think I made a joke one time, I was like, that's it. I'm done with men. I'm joining the other team. And then somebody. Yeah, someone was like, you know, I don't think that lesbians would appreciate and I'm like, Hey, man, I'm just making a joke. Like, if I could, I would obviously I can't just change my, you know, sexual preference. That would be ideal. But yeah, so Okay, so you're straight, and you're single. So let's, what has your 26 years old? We all have different experiences in the dating world, if you could sum your dating experience up in these 26 years, what has it been like?
Unknown Speaker 32:56
Um, it has been very toxic and a lot of lessons. But all in all, it's definitely, it's definitely brought me to this person I am today. And I'm, I'm so grateful for that. But um, but yeah, like I've been in about whole long term relationships, and three out of four of them more like pretty horrible. But, but for that reason, I've definitely, like learnt so much. And I think it makes me super conservative in my energy now. And I think, weirdly enough, like, I'm really enjoying being single, I'm really enjoying my independence. And I'm just kind of like being a little bit more intuitive to myself and being a little bit more, I guess, pure to myself, rather than worrying about other people's wants and needs. It's been really, really good.
Unknown Speaker 33:43
That's good. I mean, it sucks that we all have to kiss a lot of frogs until we find our Prince, or, you know, maybe we don't even find our Prince, but we kiss so many frogs that we realize what really matters, you know, or maybe we have a certain set of criteria, you know, q rides a skateboard, you know, like, whatever. And then 10 years later, you're like, I don't really care about skateboards anymore. It's more like, does he have a job? You know, like, yeah. Yeah. So not to dig up, like too much of, you know, past and like, you know, dirt, but what type of toxicity because, you know, we have abusive relationships, we have controlling relationships, we have, you know, just things you know, unfortunate toxicity runs the gauntlet, right? So, what, what happened kind of more specifically in these toxic relationships.
Unknown Speaker 34:34
Um, so, I like to the point where I've literally had a broad spectrum of experiencing most things that are negative in relationships. So basically, like a crash course for everything, um, one of my, my very first relationship was sort of like, a little bit controlling and more verbal abuse, like a lot of putting down a lot of like, a kind of, kind of, I guess, manipulating me mentally but then also Like, living off me financially was a little bit like, a little bit more of a way that you can control someone, when the my ex partner didn't have a car, he ended up moving in with me, and all those kinds of things that just put it back a little bit more pressure on our relationship. Another one was like a positive in that sense, and super supportive. But unfortunately, he cheated on me, and then both with his baby mama and got her pregnant, so like, had to tell me, cuz that was like an interesting way to find out. And then unfortunately, another relationship was a physical abuse, which something that I never thought I would end up in was always kind of like, I would always leave that having to me, blah, blah, blah, and all those like cliche things, but it really was like, it's obviously like mental manipulation and physical abuse as well, because they kind of come hand in hand. And for that reason, I think I was just in like, this weird like spell almost. And after coming out of it and reading a lot on DVD, and certain like, types, it's like very common, like, it's, unfortunately really common and really easy to get even the strongest, but people get stuck in it. And it's sort of like related to like some books and stuff related back to like war techniques to like, change soldiers to jump ship and basically show loyalty to the opposition. It's, it's wild, how things work. But for that reason, I've definitely taken so much lessons out of everything that's happened in my life. And, and I am super conservative on, on who I share my energy with, and who will be like the next person I end up with, I kind of have said many times, like the next one is the last one. Like, so it's either nothing or it's the last one. There's no like in between.
Unknown Speaker 36:58
Yeah, I mean, if I didn't know your age, just hearing that little snippet, I think you had had a 40 year dating experience, because you're right, that is the gauntlet of toxicity. Unfortunately, domestic violence, you know, like, financial situation that cheating, I'm like, oh, but we've all been there. You know, that's the great thing about this podcast is that so many people want to I don't know so many people, but you know, there are people listening right now that are going girl that has happened to me too. And you're not alone. It's a shitty, beautiful thing that we go through, you know, it's just, we're all looking for love. But at the same time, you know, we don't know how right and you know, whether it's because we came from toxic environments, or maybe you don't have cell you know, high self esteem or whatever. It's a constant struggle to find your perfect partner. Right. And I wanted to ask, actually, when was that first boyfriend I like to kind of like her first boyfriend first kiss that kind of like, you know, the early stages of Janae. And yeah,
Unknown Speaker 38:03
I mean, that was like, my first like, adult relationship when I was, I must have been 20 I think, yeah, that 20. But of course, like you have your little High School, boyfriends and stuff. My first book is, I don't know how old I would have been. But I was in grade six, which I think is about like
Unknown Speaker 38:27
13 Yeah, and
Unknown Speaker 38:30
I remember. And it's funny, because I remember when I was, at that age, whatever age that was in grade six. I wasn't allowed to date my mom. My mom said I wasn't allowed a boyfriend. And then so for that reason, I like obviously didn't have a boyfriend. And then there was this one boy, that it was like that really cliche Primary School thing where your friends go ask? No, the the boys friends come ask you out for them. And oh, yes, yes. Yes. You wanted me this person is boyfriend and girlfriend. And I was like, Yeah, I guess I don't know. Like, I don't know what that entails. I mean, all that. I mean, 11 years old, or 12 years old. I don't know what's happening. And then, um, and then I remember my friend organizing. I was like, kinda, I guess, boyfriend, boyfriend and girlfriend with this guy. But I probably saw which I don't really understand but whatever. And then my friend organized for us to meet like this fence. Me The, the field the oval that we have, like our patcher grace, and she like shoved my head over this fence. And then he like kissed me on the lip for like a second. And that was my experience of my first kid. That's traumatic, but it wasn't the best.
Unknown Speaker 39:47
Unknown Speaker 39:48
it's never the best you know, I you know, first times first kisses first boyfriends. It's just such an awkward experience. I've yet to have so yeah, cool. And I cringe. I know you can't see my face, but I'm like squinting. Oh, yeah. I remember. Yeah. So your mom, was she very controlling? Or, you know, I mean, a lot of a lot of mothers and fathers don't want their young children to date at early age. But what was your childhood? Like?
Unknown Speaker 40:20
Yeah, no, I funnily enough, she wasn't a little controlling. It was just sort of like, I think cuz I was an only child, and she was a single parent. And we had such a great relationship of trust, it was just sort of like, I think she just so one, she knew me well enough to know that I wasn't really ready for boys yet. Like, I wasn't like, maybe I was at the age that other people were having boyfriends. But I kind of mature in that retrospect, a little bit slower than everyone else. Like, like, like, I didn't lose my virginity until after I finished high school and stuff like that, like I was just a little bit behind. But I think it's just because like, like, was saying, like, I'm just a little bit more of a conservative person, as per se. And I grew into my sexuality and everything as an adult, which is a little bit different. I think, for that reason, it wasn't really, because she didn't want me to have a boyfriend, she didn't want me to be happy or anything like that. She just thought like, I wasn't ready for it. And I really wasn't like, I don't think any kid is really, but maybe even more so. And, and I think like after that, and then as I often that I was kind of like, Oh, I don't really, really want a boyfriend. So say and I kind of like to sort of progressing through primary school. I'm just like, without that pressure. And then it wasn't till I got more towards like the 1516 years old that I started to, like, actually think about dating and getting a proper boyfriend and stuff, which was more when we will communicate about it and kind of choose these things together. And she like, even like, during high school, I had a boyfriend that wasn't in school, he had already finished school. And I mean, she let him like, stay over and stuff like, like I'm saying, obviously, I didn't lose my virginity until after so he would stay over and, and he had a car and stuff like that was she was she was always so understanding. And I think for that reason, we've just like, kept like a really strong relationship, because I could just tell her anything that was happening. I'd be like, Okay, this is happening. She'll be like, well, we'll talk to you and we'd have a chat about it. And then, you know, the trust was there, which really made a big difference. That's it sounds like you had a strong relationship with your mother. Yeah, absolutely. Like, being obviously just asked, we kind of had to, but even more, so. Yeah, we'll just build building it over over the years. It wasn't always perfect. But that was definitely something I credit her. But especially like, even with just substances and stuff. Like if I was going to a party or whatever, she would maybe get me a four pack or something and be like, okay, like getting you the alcohol, but I only have these four don't grab anybody else's anything, don't a glass of somebody else and I'll pick you up at 12 or whatever. And that will be our you know, ideal. Like, okay, I can Yeah, but I can only do this and I was happy to do so because I wasn't really like I didn't have the need to rebel because I had the trust of my parent I guess so I was just kind of like okay, like, this is the full pack I'm having nuts it like I'll see you at all and then I just like she would park around the corner. She knew like not to like, I guess she wasn't like I wasn't really that embarrassed by her but I mean she just knew like as a as a teenager you don't really were you saying getting picked up by mom and just pick up picking up around the corner and literally be like, everyone be having a good time. Then all of a sudden I just disappear and like completely smoke on the place. And, and go home. And everyone be like, what
Unknown Speaker 43:43
did you go on?
Unknown Speaker 43:45
You know, I met a home. But it was my mom. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 43:48
We call that a Irish goodbye here. Have you heard that? No, I haven't. Yeah, it's called an Irish goodbye. What do you just bounce? You don't tell anyone you're leaving. They're just like, Where did they go? Yeah, that was me. Your mom when you're telling me that story about the four pack? I'm like, she it's what movies it from? She's like, I'm a cool mom. I forget what? Oh, Domingo. Is it me girl? She's like, yeah, I'm a coma.
Unknown Speaker 44:17
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I did watch mangoes the other day.
Unknown Speaker 44:25
Well, that's awesome. I'm glad you had that good relationship. And I would never bring this topic up without talking to you ahead of time to make sure you're comfortable. But we did talk about it. And you know, it's kind of on record that your father passed away at an early age. And I wanted to ask if you think that that had any kind of effect on either the way you dated grow, you know, growing up or the boys that you picked or, you know, your your, your relationship experience moving forward.
Unknown Speaker 44:53
Yeah, absolutely. Um, as much as I completely credit my mom and all the hard work. She did. Um, obviously she she just couldn't really also like a masculine energy. And I do think having a male role model and masculine energy makes a big difference in how you perceive men in general having a strong male role model that you can kind of feed off and be like, okay, that's the kind of person that I want to have in my life. That's the kind of partner that I wanted. Someone that is going to possibly father My children and stuff like that. I think that's really important for some females, and it's definitely something that martial arts gave me. Obviously, from more like an older age, so MMA specifically from like the age of 15, I had a lot of older male role models that were fantastic. And I was so lucky to see that but um, but I guess the one thing that was completely out of my mom's control was just showing me like a strong, functional relationship between like a man and a woman that I kind of needed as, like a example. In a sense, it's nobody's real fault, because I was lucky enough to kind of have older friends and, and they're all like, married with kids and these kind of things. And some of my best friends are like the most fantastic men that I've ever met in my life, and I'm so blessed to have had them around. But there's still only so much you can gain from kind of having friends, it would have probably been better for me to maybe grow up in an environment where I saw these things. So that I guess, Mark was saying I didn't kiss as many frogs, and away just because I guess I was kind of kind of trying to figure it out. I was like, Alright, like, I kind of love everyone in a sense. Like, I I'm very broad spectrum, like, I don't like if anyone was to ask me what type I have in like a man, like I have general things, but I definitely don't have like an aesthetic type, visually or anything like that. It was like every, every one of my boyfriends has been like polar opposite to the net. For that reason, I think I was just trying to, like, you know, test the field out and like, figure out what's good and what's not. And it's literally just like, yeah, trial and error, which probably a credit so yeah, not having a father figure and, and someone daddy issues. But, um, but it's definitely something as an adult, I've taken responsibility for him be like, Alright, like, now you have to figure out how to, I guess, undo the wrongs that that have that dude,
Unknown Speaker 47:19
that's, that's so interesting that you said that in your teen years, you know, 15. And so moving on that MMA really gave you those father figures, because that's exactly how I feel I, you know, not to go into my own life, then in depth. But when I joined wrestling in high school, those male coaches were like, foget father figures, and then, you know, then I got into college, and my college coach was like, a father figure helped me with my finances. He was much, much older, he was in his 70s. But just such a, he was an Olympic athlete, like a strong male role model that I never had. And so I think, like, eventually, that's when I started realizing like, oh, okay, I think I want to date an athlete, you know, I think I want you know, like a kind man, like, and so you start putting together, you're like, Okay, like, it's so it's so interesting how, like, if you don't have a strong father figure in your life, then whatever man or who was around is now helping you create your, your ideal, ideal image of the man that you think you want to be with in the future? And yeah, MMA did that for a wrestling and an MMA did that for me as well. So that's very interesting. And you say you don't have a physical type? Do you have a certain characteristics? For example, like, obviously, who doesn't like a partner who can make you laugh? Or who does it like a partner that shares interests? Like, what? What are some characteristics? Not physical, but maybe internal that you like to see in a partner?
Unknown Speaker 48:54
Yeah, absolutely. I think like, I think my biggest biggest downfall in the past has been prioritizing connection. And I do think connection is important. But at the same time, you kind of have to you have to build the other foundations around connection. Like, I don't think you can have a connection with every single person. But I do think there's other things that are more important such as, obviously, humor is like a massive thing that kind of builds on connection, like, because I'm just a bit of a joker as well, like, I don't take life that seriously and I'm constantly just like playing around. That's really important, but someone that's super someone that's just strong in themselves. Someone that has a lot of like inner confidence, isn't because I think I just have dealt with like a little bit of insecurity in the past and, and for someone like me specifically who's like a strong female I'm very opinionated. I'm obviously quite stubborn. I'm very
Unknown Speaker 49:53
Unknown Speaker 49:53
I don't really need or need a man like I like in all in all, especially at the moment. So for that reason, I just need something that strong in themselves, that's happy to kind of be a compliment to my life rather than come in and try to take over the whole the whole thing and be number one, all the time. It's like, when you I guess, when you're career driven, and you have all these things, you kind of just say, tell me about strong themselves. Someone that, obviously is something that I've always tried to, I thought it I always thought it was shallow, to one, someone that was financially stable, but after having like a couple of partners that have sort of relied on me financially, and the strain that that puts on you. It's just like someone who's financially stable, especially at this age, it's like, you don't really have an excuse to not be financially stable. You don't have an excuse to not be able to hold down a job. Like even if it's a nine to five, I don't care how you earn your money. But as long as it's Yeah, it's like somewhat within your own, then that's important.
Unknown Speaker 50:53
Yeah, having your own assets,
Unknown Speaker 50:54
have your own call. Have your own things. Yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 50:57
it's so funny. You say that, because I recently went, like, past couple years, I guess, started making that more of a priority, like, Okay, my partner needs to be self sufficient. And you know, I didn't say, Oh, he has to have a million dollars. But yeah, my girlfriend, one of my friends used to always get mad at me, because I'd be like, Oh, I went on a date with this guy. And she'd be like, did he pay? And I'm like, well, we split it, or I picked up the tab like, and she'd be like, Oh, yeah, don't don't talk to this guy anymore. And I'm like, No, I don't care about money. But it's not that I think, you know, it's an indicator that they are self sufficient. And maybe it's more of a gentleman, you know, gesture as well to pick up the tab, especially like on the first or second date. But yeah, that's definitely now at the top of my list, having a partner who is financially stable, and if not totally financially stable, at least working towards that goal, right.
Unknown Speaker 51:53
Yeah, exactly. It's not, it's not about expecting someone to have millions and expecting someone to pay all the time, I still pretty much split. Even if it's like, the first day, I still split pretty much halfway. But I do test people to see if they offer like, if you're gonna offer, if you're gonna, like, you're gonna make it hard for me to pay or whatever it may be, like, I want to know that, yeah, you kind of you can cover like confidently. And, and that you kind of want to, like you want to be a man in that sense. And, and again, for people like us, like where we do a masculine sport, we are independent, we on our home money, like all these things, we kind of don't always want to be that alpha, in a sense, but we for that reason, you kind of want someone who matches your masculine energy in a sense, that's gonna pay and then look after themselves as an as a man like, and I hate to say this, but as a man, you should be able to hold down a job, you should be able to have a car, you should be able to handle your business and and that's kind of just something that comes hand in hand, I always was just like, oh, it doesn't matter. Like what car they drive and whatever it doesn't, but it's just more about someone has to match me now. Do you have to kind of like, step up to my standard, otherwise, you're not going to be able to keep up?
Unknown Speaker 53:05
Yeah, no, you're not saying anything crazy. I think everyone listening is probably like, yes, this is the bare minimum, to take care of yourself. That is the bare minimum.
Unknown Speaker 53:15
Yeah, it's more like, like, learn from our mistakes. And don't try to be so like open about everyone because you have to be conservative in your energy. And you have to be specific in your standards. If you don't hold yourself to a certain standard, then you just end up letting the wrong people in. And that's kind of what I've done.
Unknown Speaker 53:33
So, you know, I know that you are over in Australia, Australia right now. You're from New Zealand, you come to California. I'm wondering, is it online dating that makes it possible for you to, you know, travel back and forth and have relationships or are you more of a you know, traditional meet in person, kind of girl. I know you're significant. You're 26 I'm almost 34 so I feel like for me, I definitely like more of the traditional meet in person kind of, you know, cute meet, meet cute, whatever. Yeah, but, but I feel like for your generation, it's just like, Tinder, Bumble, all the other ones. Yeah. Yeah, it's
Unknown Speaker 54:13
great. And it's like, that's pretty much all of my friends, but I'm not on any dating apps. And I never have been I think maybe when I was when I was like, maybe 2021 or 22. My friend made me a Tinder profile. My male friend made me a Tinder profile. And I have a caveat for like a month or two and I was like, This is the worst I can just like not I'm not mad. I'm early made for dating apps. I think they're fantastic. I know so many people that net on them. I know even like successful relationships from from ones like Tinder not just like the more I don't know relationshipy style ones like Bumble and hinge and whatever else but I know like yeah, I know a lot of people that are on them, and I just I'm not the best at I'm not having you like that connection, I do prioritize I've meeting people. But at the same time, like, I don't really go that many places. And I mean, especially with COVID, and stuff, it's sort of been like social, my social squares, like very limited. And I'm, I'm definitely one of those people, even from when I first started MMA that I've dated fighters, but I've never, I will never date inside my own gym. I've dated people, and then we've ended up like going to the same gym later on, or whatever in the relationship or like, moving our training to like the same places or whatever. But I've never, like, met someone in the gym, and then and then dated then kind of in the gym, I've always tried not to. And so for that reason, it's just like, you end up hanging out with all the people from the gym all the time. So that's like the other view where you see. So I think like, a couple of times, I have met like a few people on Instagram, which is very random. And this is absolutely to all the lessons not opening up my DMS not take this as a green as a green light guys. Yeah. people that I knew, like, briefly through other people like, like, the otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten through, like the demons and stuff, but, and it's kind of like, I don't know, it's kind of worked down in a sense, because I guess the cool thing about Instagram is that you can sort of learn about people at the same time, and then obviously, then go on the date and then hang out with them and then speak to them more often and stuff. And I mean, like I've even had like weird, weird like, as much as I say I'm the on dating apps, I have had like one or two instances where I've like connected with someone that wasn't in the same city as me. And we've maybe like spoken every day, or whatever it was, like phone calls, text messages, and all that sort of stuff. And, and kind of like for like, months at a time. And then and then you kind of like build a connection with them. Which is sort of cool because you have to get to know them. Because you don't have that physical aspect. You kind of like have to put the effort in to to get to know them. And I think that that was like kind of cool a few times but um, but it never actually ate Bozeman like didn't work out. But it's just like an interesting element. I guess. So like, yeah, this generation and dating is is the internet and all the things that we have available to us to connect.
Unknown Speaker 57:21
Yeah, it's it's it's different from, you know, what I grew up doing right? Where it's just a boy walks up to you asked you out, and then you you know, he maybe he calls you talk on the phone all night and all that kind of stuff. That's not what happens anymore. It's that somebody sees you somewhere they search your name, and then they have a directly to you. Which to me is like, I think the coolest work about somebody coming up to you is like, Okay, this person has the balls to just say, hey, yeah, I'm interested in you. I think you're attracted. Like, that is so great. And
Unknown Speaker 57:58
don't get me wrong. Like the unfortunate thing. It's like this, this friggin internet and stuff allows people to really load us and it's like, nobody has game anymore because they don't have to. And like I cringe at my phone, sometimes I'm like, you really thought you're gonna get through one emergency like that was gonna make me fall in love, like, serious, like, what did you expect me to do? I'm just gonna draw my hands because you sent me like a waving emoji or alojado or whatever it is like, come on, man. Like, pick it up. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 58:32
And you're right. You said that Instagram, it tends to be kind of like the connector. It's not really it's not a dating app, obviously. But if you meet someone, let's say, you know, I met you know, Bob at the coffee shop. And I didn't ask Bob for his number, but I can't stop thinking about Bob. Perfect. I can just google Bob's name the oil out of Bob's but you know, Google Bob, find Bob see that Bob blue Bob likes, you know, frisbee golf. And you know, and then I'm like, hey, Bob, want to go play frisbee golf. And he's like, Oh, this girl rocks. And so it's just like, so easy these days.
Unknown Speaker 59:09
It's kind of cool. Like, and then for that reason, so like, the people that have made it through other people that like have ended up seeing, it's like, because they were like, hey, like, do you want to go to this place like or whatever Do you want to go out to eat or go out for dinner or whatever it is, or goes bowling or whatever it may be? Through the DMZ and I'm just like, relying on Instagram to do half the work for them. There's no like, like, my photos and, and like all those silly things. They're gonna actually like put effort in as well and be like, hey, do you want to hang out? It's like, Okay, cool. Yeah, like that's, that's progressive. That's actual, you know, again, putting yourself forward putting yourself out there because you have like enough balls to do so. And I've been told that I can be intimidating how to really get how but I have been told that I can be intimidating and like, for that reason, I need someone who's going to be like, you know, They're strong enough to come up to me and be like, hey, do you want to go out for dinner? I'm like, Yes, please. Of course, you're
Unknown Speaker 1:00:04
intimidating. So besides the fact that you're, you're beautiful, you're well established. You take care of yourself, and you don't you don't need a man. That's one of the first things you said. And I was like, Yeah, fuck yeah, girl, like, you don't need a man. But you would like to find a partner who stands next to you, not in front of you, not behind you. And so a woman who just exudes confidence, like, unfortunately, that's intimidating for a lot of men. So, and then also, how tall are you? I'm 510. I'm bigger than average. I'm not super tall, but I'm definitely above average. Well, maybe not in New Zealand, but that's tell us fun over here. So
Unknown Speaker 1:00:43
yeah, I think the average woman just been hanging out with Jen on she's six foot and I'm like, my small leg. That makes me feel shorter. I'm Jenna Fabian. She's the other. Oh, the other New Zealand. Oh, that fight some internationally. Female was Yeah, you've just fought on PFM Yes,
Unknown Speaker 1:01:03
she murdered her girl. It was so lovely. I just saw a little clip. And she's beautiful too. Yes, yes. Fine. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:01:12
maybe we can
Unknown Speaker 1:01:14
add like lane like she will. She's like sometimes like 10% body fat. But she's just told like she's the toll girl but she holds it so well. And then you sit next to me like, I'm I should
Unknown Speaker 1:01:28
definitely know. Sure she she's above average. But yeah, if you get into dating all the time, imagine what that girl gets. guys are probably just like me. So I know that you are a Harley writer. You know, I'm thinking okay, so you don't have a type but if a guy was to take you out on your perfect date, what would that entail? Would you guys meet on your Harley's would you guys go listen to music? What would you do?
Unknown Speaker 1:01:56
Oh, yeah, I guess like nine just put in that extra element of the bike. I was gonna leave that part out but absolutely that's such
Unknown Speaker 1:02:05
so badass. And then also another intimidating factor like this MMA fighter six foot 10 self sufficient rides a Harley I'm like I'm intimidated of you listening to all that?
Unknown Speaker 1:02:17
Yeah, exactly. Um, it's sort of like yeah, I guess then for that reason it would definitely be like go for a ride out probably out to like some sort of beach somewhere hopefully good weather. And yeah, go go to the beach. The beach is definitely like my safe place in a sense it's like the place that I always find myself back drawn back to in essence and then probably Yeah, buy beach food those are the top three and then yeah, listen to music for sure. Like go to the beach probably dip in the water come out. Maybe listen to some music and maybe have like a beach picnic or go go somewhere to eat or get like some fish and chips or something something low key casual I'm not like I guess I like getting dressed up every now and again this is like events on and stuff it's great but especially for like the dates and stuff I like to be comfortable and I like to just like you know get to know people rather than having I guess the pressure of putting heaps of makeup on or whatever and when you go to the beach you can't really put that much makeup on. So it's like perfect. Yeah, that's a good day. I want to go on that day. I can't ride a hard Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:26
I want to go on that day.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:28
Here at the moment too so the riding and the beach would be a no go. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:33
well maybe when you come back to Orange County because it's beautiful. It's 85 degrees here and sunny. It's great not to rub it in. So now we're gonna get to a little more risque questions I want to know what is one of the craziest places you've ever had sex? Oh,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:53
I was I was wondering how far I go. I think I've thought about it and I'm just gonna share it um, it was a like a the top of a parking lot like nobody nobody was there obviously it was like an empty parking lot. But it was like went all the way up to the top so that nobody was there and then um, I really hope my mom doesn't listen to this but like you could like it like see all the lights and stuff so it's like come ready yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:04:22
I just I'm sure there's that like you know element of like, Oh, this is in public we could get caught Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:28
Yeah. A little bit of like you feel like a little bit risky which is nice. Yeah. So it's not like what is a pet peeve of yours in the bedroom? Oh, this is so my my I'm not gonna name her cuz she will kill me but my friend. I think it was yesterday or the day before bought up. She was hanging out with his boy and he went hamona fate and honestly, I don't think it's like, hasn't happened to me that many times, but don't touch my face. I just don't fuck with bait. I understand. I understand foot fetishes. I guess it's a major pet peeve, but please just don't because it'll just completely change the time.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:13
Honestly, it's funny you say that the listeners who listened to the show know me. I'm not against fetishes I do not kink shame. But for me, I have this weird little thing. Like, I don't like my feet touched in less. It's like I have lotion on them or I just came out of the shower. Because it's like, if I'm gonna try and make this noise, but can you hear this? It's like, feeling I hate that feeling of like dry feet. It like makes my skin crawl. So like if my partner he my boyfriend does this to me on purpose. Sometimes he'll like just grab my feet because he knows it like gets to be and I'm just like, oh, so I'm on your side. I'm like the opposite of a foot fetish. Like
Unknown Speaker 1:05:54
don't like, yeah, I actually still like touch my feet with his feet or whatever. Like, I hate that so fucking. And then I've moved my feet away and then he will get offended. Be like that. I was like, do you know what it is? Like, I don't do this. This is like a one don't. We're not even when I've been having sex. Nothing. We're just sleeping and you're gonna touch my favorite your feet. Get out of here, get out of this bed. Like
Unknown Speaker 1:06:21
my boyfriend has definitely got offended. What? Because maybe I might have been like, ooh, you know, if you make a quick cringe. And he just like looks at me like, no, yeah, that's hilarious. Okay, so we're funding me by touching my feet. We're on the same page. Something I usually ask, you know, the men and the women. So we are clearly alpha alpha females, alpha males, we're just, we have a certain presence about us very dominating sport that we play in our career. Does that transfer into the bedroom? Do you tend to be more dominant or more submissive in the bedroom.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:01
Um, what I prefer to be is definitely more submissive. I think like my lifestyle. And just like every day, like I make decisions for myself all day, every day. I'm independent. And like we said, alpha. So it's sort of like the one place I don't want to be an alpha is the bedroom for sure. Like I want I kind of want that taken away from me because I don't, I just want to not care about it. I guess I will not care about it. But just I don't want to have to initiate things. And since I am, five foot 10. And friggin like I'm not even when I'm like out of camp. I I'm still pretty mostly because I just am. I have Mati New Zealand genetics. And then like, naturally a little bit bigger than most girls. Yeah, I want I don't want to be the the bigger person or the alpha, I want to, I want to be the opposite. But some reason a lot of time. It doesn't happen like that.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:54
I think because, you know, and I'm going to go out on a limb here, but it's probably because, you know, like you said, the guys are like, Oh, you're a little intimidated. And maybe they're afraid of offending you. So you're probably like me, if it doesn't start to happen, you're probably like, well, if you're not going to make a move, then I'll make
Unknown Speaker 1:08:11
a movie. So yeah, I gotta sleep at some point because I got training. Let's get this over with let's do this. Get this go. This many I was like, do I have to know that? I will if I have to, but I don't want to. I don't want to. You're throwing like very obvious signs. You're just like oh my god. I'm so guilty for that. will fall asleep on me. And I have gotten off and like open the door. Close the door. Open the door. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up? Your way that's so unfortunate. Anyway.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:53
So you were raised by your mom? Was your mom the one to give you like the birds and the bees talk? Was she like a cool mom? Or did she just she didn't have that talk with you? Did you learn about sex from your friends? How'd you how'd you learn?
Unknown Speaker 1:09:07
Yeah, I feel like it was a mix. I don't remember that being like one integral talk that like, taught me everything. I do definitely feel like it was sort of like, people were talking about it at school. So I probably went home and was like, Mom, what the hell like what I do with this information, and she probably cleared some stuff up. And then as I progressed through, I learned more and more, but I was probably like a mix of high school. And like I said, I was a little bit more behind than other people. So it was always like, other people coming to me with their mission and me being like, Whoa, that happens. And then having to like, process it for myself and figure out when I'm ready to do that same thing. So yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:09:45
yeah, it's funny you say that you're a little bit more behind. I feel like I was as well because I definitely was. My boyfriend now calls me an ugly duckling. He's like, You are such a chubby fat little girl and then now you're beautiful. You know, SWOT and I'm like, Oh, this is very true. I look back at pictures. And what that translated to in my childhood was that all that like, kind of cuter friends that I had, they did the SEC stuff, right? And then they brought it back to me. And they were like, this is what happened. And so I actually kind of liked it that way. Like, you know, they could tell me what to expect and stuff. And I'm like, Okay, so that's what French kissing is. That's what you know, making out is second base or whatever. And
Unknown Speaker 1:10:30
then it's like,
Unknown Speaker 1:10:31
all right, like being the fat girl has
Unknown Speaker 1:10:34
exactly the same as me, except, like, I was just like more of a tomboy. And I guess just running around playing sports and stuff. And then I would get back and girls would be like, yes, I'm dating this person. I was like, I lunchtime. You're dating somebody else. I played three games with him.
Unknown Speaker 1:10:55
I feel like we have a lot of similarities. So yeah, you've heard the show. And you know what our lightning sex round is.
Unknown Speaker 1:11:10
For those listening who don't know, lightning sex round is a segment that I created to let people talk about their sex lives a little more freely. It's a one word or one phrase question and it's rapid fire. So I'm gonna start Are you ready today? Yeah, throw at me. All right. Lightning sex round with Janae Here we go. Number one, do you dirty talk in bed?
Unknown Speaker 1:11:35
Um, if I met usually if I'm in a relationship depends on how comfortable I am. Got it? Yes, that's that's actually you know, that like one nightstand you usually not really gonna like pipe off but if you're comfortable with someone, you just like, excuse me? unless maybe you've had a couple drinks and then you just let it all fly. Yeah. Do you spank or like to be spanked? Um, I'm not necessarily against it. But it's certainly not something that I seek out. I'm not like asking for it at all. But I guess like if the mood like if the intensity moves that way, then it sort of was like okay, but it's definitely Yeah, sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's biting. No, choking. Um, yeah. But like not to the point where I can't breathe was like a dominance thing. Like, yeah. We're not trading here. We're just having sex. threesomes I'm not. I have never done one and I'm probably not that open to I'm not really that guy.
Unknown Speaker 1:12:42
Do you watch porn? Yeah, any fetishes like a foot fetish? That's just on the list. As soon as I said it, I was like, okay,
Unknown Speaker 1:12:53
no. bodily fluid fetish. Yeah. Hi. Yeah, I don't really have any fetishes. No. Okay. What about
Unknown Speaker 1:13:07
ropes blindfolds, that kind of stuff. handcuffs.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:10
not against it, but I just have never really liked I wouldn't I guess. Okay. There's always a future. Role Playing? Um, yeah, again, not not done it. But, um, but definitely, like, open to it. I guess. In a sense, it's not something that I, I love I'd rather like I enjoy more like authentic connection with like, what the person is and what the person wants. Like, yeah, rather than rather than playing a role of somebody else and what they what they watched on porn and what the porn star wanted more. I wanted to know what you want it.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:43
And what about but stuff on you or a partner?
Unknown Speaker 1:13:47
I yeah, I'm open to it, which will surprise a few people, but maybe not really, for the partner. I've never really done it for the other person. But what about sex? Um, yeah. Okay, I have ever been to a sex club or a swingers party? No. And are you a lingerie lover? Um, yeah, I love laundry. But I am. I just never work because I have so many sets. I never wear them. Because either I wear dresses that require an eyebrow because I don't have a big boss. So I can kind of like get away with that. Or to avoid in sports, or I just finished like sports or whatever. And I'm wearing a sports bra. Yeah. All right. Well, good job. That is the lighting sex route today. Congratulations. Thank you. That was the one that I was most not most scared of. And I was like, I don't know how this one will go.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:43
A lot of people are nervous about it. But you know, it's just it's so kind of like carefree. You know, like the lightning section always is made so that you can talk about it, but you don't have to go in depth. But you know, you you felt so inclined. So go ahead.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:58
Yeah, cuz I was like thinking Not like one dimensional and I, I always I guess like vibe off the other person. So it's like, you know you meet people who are like a little bit more open a little bit more conservative, and both can be great, but it just depends how they play their cards I guess. Mm hmm.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:14
So next it is the segment called Fuck, marry kill one Mary one kill one go. I think we're done. We're done. We're done here. Are you familiar with the game? I am familiar with the game. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 1:15:33
I'm gonna give you three names and you have to choose who you want to fuck who you want to marry or who you want to kill.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:39
Are you ready? Okay,
Unknown Speaker 1:15:43
so we I'm giving you the Bella tour champions edition.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:47
That means you have to choose from Heavyweight Champion Ryan Bader middleweight champ gegard mousasi and bantamweight champion, Sergio Pettis go Oh,
Unknown Speaker 1:16:00
oh, let me know. I haven't met any of these three men. I've fought on Ryan Bay just caught a few times, but I've never actually like met him.
Unknown Speaker 1:16:10
Oh, fun fact about Ryan Bader. When he was UFC, we were cutting weight in Germany, and I had like maybe like one more pound ago. You know that last pound is so shitty, right? And he's in there and he already made weight. And I'm just like dying. My coaches are like, you got this just stay in for five minutes longer. And you know, like, I'm just like, ready to break. And Ryan Bader gets up and he's like, hey, like, kind of gives me like a tap and he's like, I already made weight. But I'm gonna stay in here until you make weight. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, at the time I was like,
Unknown Speaker 1:16:42
whatever. I don't care. I'm so thirsty.
Unknown Speaker 1:16:45
But later I was like, what a sweetheart like after I was hydrated you
Unknown Speaker 1:16:49
know my shit is made wait that's like that. That massive like feeling of relief and you're like, I don't have to be here anymore. I'll see you later guys.
Unknown Speaker 1:16:59
Yeah, and I'm never gonna forget that. So Ryan Bader is always like, I pick him any fight. I'm like, Bader Bader Ryan Bader
Unknown Speaker 1:17:08
fan base, which definitely helps. So yeah, your money's in the right place. Um, wow, that's like one off to him for sure. Never like yeah, I've never met him. I'm very just seeing him in the hotels and stuff like as far away but i'm i'm probably unfortunately gonna have to kill Sergio just based on the fact that he's got to be like, half my size. For real like, no one. Why? Why is ever gonna be my boyfriend?
Unknown Speaker 1:17:40
Yeah, sorry, guys. I'd have to be very rare. So Sergio is dead in the way of
Unknown Speaker 1:17:48
i think i think i'll probably marry gay God and fuck on because I think gay God in the way of like champion mindset. He's definitely been one of those fighters that I've always like looked up to in a sense, and he could probably helped me become the best champion. So I'm sorry, that
Unknown Speaker 1:18:06
green riser is like a sweet hot now so. Yeah, that's good. All right. Cool. Good one. Okay, so we're gonna end the show with fan question cross. You're gonna push me you got a lot of them and we we've been talking for a minute so we'll see how many we can rattle off Are you ready? as I am, p h l Jr. is it frustrating when people mistake you for being Australian?
Unknown Speaker 1:18:41
Not knowing here is nowhere near as frustrating out one because I've an Australian accent. So it's sort of just like yeah, like that's it. And I live in Australia. So I do not know. When I guess Canadians and Americans get mixed up and they get offended. That's not the same
Unknown Speaker 1:18:57
at Senor Worthington. Would you ever consider moving to the US it seems like there's a lot more high quality female trading partners in Southern California especially Plus we're awesome lol.
Unknown Speaker 1:19:10
Very true. I'm absolutely like especially after that last trip. I've been over the us so many times. It was like my seventh seventh or eighth trip to the US but that was that last one was definitely the best one and the first time that I could definitely see myself living there in a similar lifestyle that I live over here so that that's so cool. And just San Diego and between San Diego and the OC I definitely agree probably one of the spots I'd end up and probably going between there and Vegas because there's so many good girls and they're used to so so definitely on the cards but I just don't know when and I've also committed to a few things here. So maybe in the next few years. Okay, very cool.
Unknown Speaker 1:19:46
At we are alive at night since you're from New Zealand. What are some of your favorite bands from there or Australia that we might not know of and do you listen to sticky fingers or fat Freddy's drop
Unknown Speaker 1:20:02
Oh definitely listen to fat freeze drop I don't listen to sticky fingers but I do know them and people that you guys might not know 660 if you don't know them then I don't know what you're doing here Why are amazing kings music I walked out to them that last fight if anyone listened to my walkout song and there was like a video on my on my Instagram that like showed a cool song of theirs They're really good. I'm a lab lab. Yep, those three those tops are in LA B it's like Eldar A dot B labs amazing. Kings and 660 guys check them out.
Unknown Speaker 1:20:43
I will check all those out. I have a musical at fight insight podcast Who is your dream matchup? any organization of
Unknown Speaker 1:20:54
any like any any organization right now? Um honestly, it's still it's still Chris Cyborg. Even Yeah, I think my shoe definitely be one of the main motivators for me to stay in bed at all until like, I get her fight. It was like when I first thought it was one of the fights so I guess when I was younger, I was like 18 starting fighting as a bantamweight. I was like riffs sort of scared of that vibe. But now I'm just like, absolutely like hey, me that fight that would be amazing to to fight one of the greats.
Unknown Speaker 1:21:24
I love that. That's awesome. I hope that I get to see that fight in the future for sure. Yes, at adrenalin underscore fiend. If you begin to date someone who has kids, how long should you wait before meeting the kids?
Unknown Speaker 1:21:38
Um, I've done it, I've done it a few people with kids. Um, and I think like, the The main thing is just to make sure everybody's on board, the baby mama, your partner, and then you are on board and you're at like, a good place your relationship because it's not necessarily like a timeframe. It's like, how quickly Are you progressing through this relationship that you're in? If you're you guys are hanging out every day, obviously, you're gonna progress a little bit quicker, but if maybe location wise, you're gonna see each other once or twice a week, then um, and it's going to be a lot slower. So I think it's just more making sure everybody's on board. Make sure the baby mamas are right, your respect everybody in the situation? And, and then yeah, and then you're ready to take on the kids and make them properly and that you know that you're going to be probably in their long term so that you're not just kind of like dipping in and dipping out and confusing any children.
Unknown Speaker 1:22:25
Very, very mature answer. Yes, I agree. All right. One of our last questions. Last fan question. Favorite. Oh, sorry. It's from at EA underscore Cena. Favorite fighter of all Sorry, wrong one. At Javier are azolla Who are your UFC crushes male and female? Oh, that's a hard one. Because everyone's
Unknown Speaker 1:22:52
I think I'm male wise. It used to be. He's not in the UFC anymore. And he hasn't recently but Alan giovane. I know he's been on your podcast, but
Unknown Speaker 1:23:02
yeah, no denying that. He is a good looking man. Dude. Absolutely. Oh my God. He's been hard. I used to train with him. He's just like, you're like, How are you this good looking and nice.
Unknown Speaker 1:23:17
It doesn't sound good dad. When you've met those people in your life. There's something wrong with you. I don't know what it is. Okay, good. Good kick for Alan. What about
Unknown Speaker 1:23:30
bellissimo wise? Um, there's so many. There's actually heaps. I would probably say I really think I think Tracy Cortez is really cute.
Unknown Speaker 1:23:44
Yeah, she's beautiful. Yeah, so go go those two.
Unknown Speaker 1:23:48
Okay, Tracy and Alan to people we've had on the podcast. Yeah, they both been on here. Tracy. I think it was like episode number four. All my all my home girl and my and my guy friends did me a favor. I'm like, Look, I know I don't know shit, but be on my podcast. And they're like, Okay. Yeah, I love that. Cool. And then my last question to you is, who would you like to hear next on sex and violence with rebel girl could be a fighter? You know, these issues? Does it matter?
Unknown Speaker 1:24:18
Um, that's a good one. Um, I'm trying to think of all the people that I hung out with when I was over there. Just as like, general things.
Unknown Speaker 1:24:33
Unknown Speaker 1:24:36
maybe even like, Casey O'Neil, she'll say just up and coming in the UFC. She's had a second fight. She's undefeated. One she's just interesting. She's a little bit younger too. So it might give you like a different perspective. And she's lived a little bit as well. A similar kind of route to me in the way of like travel and stuff. So yeah, that could be interesting in this journey. Oh, is that King Casey? Yes, that's Yeah, okay, cool. Cool. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:25:01
maybe I'll slide into her DMS, you know? Yeah. And then just let everyone know, first of all, thank you so much. That's the end of the show. Where can we find you on all the different social medias? All the different platforms. We want to see more of you and follow your fight career.
Unknown Speaker 1:25:18
And yeah, thank you so much for having me. And yeah, you pretty much follow me across the board on at Janae. Harding on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and I have my twitch profile as well. It's going to be running soon. And I'm going to start a podcast on my own soon, too. So yeah, for that. Oh, wait. Yeah, the gaming one. So it's like completely opposite to yours.
Unknown Speaker 1:25:43
So I didn't even know we didn't find out that that was aside. Are you a gamer as well?
Unknown Speaker 1:25:48
Yeah, a little bit. I've always loved gaming, like throughout high school and stuff. But um, I picked it up recently and kind of one COVID hit, got myself a PlayStation and remembered how good I am at gay gaming and like gaming online and stuff. And so yeah, I started twitching a little bit. But now I'm actually setting up like my own little studio that has like the ability for me to twitch and do a little podcast with guests and work in game and talk. absolute nonsense. should be good. Awesome.
Unknown Speaker 1:26:15
Okay, so check her out on all those social media platforms, her new Twitch, you can play her games. And thank you so much. It's been super awesome to get to know you. I feel like we have so many similarities. It's pretty awesome. I definitely catch up when I'm in the OC. Yeah, I would love you. And I think maybe, you know, I'll be fully clear to train by that time. I would love to train with you. And see you when you're in town.
Unknown Speaker 1:26:40
Yes, I would love that. We'll definitely take that up. All right. Have a good rest of your day. It's daytime over there. Okay, yeah. Thanks today. Talk to you soon. Thank you see ya. Bye. Resting was waiting taking.
Unknown Speaker 1:29:09
Okay, guys, that is it for Episode 57. I can't tell you how fucking good it feels to be back in the studio. You don't really realize how much you miss something until you don't have it right. And I stepped away for like two seconds. And just feels good to be back. You know, I know. It's a one way relationship we got going here. But I missed you guys. And maybe I'm just pulling myself in love to hear myself talk. But I love podcasting. I love sharing my story. I love meeting all these cool people and you know, showcasing them in a different spotlight. We're not just fighters. We're not just monkeys in a cage. You know, we're people. We have emotions and feelings and experiences. And we're not different than you. So please keep tuning in. I love you guys so much. Thank you for all your fan question for all this Poor special thank you to audio engineer DJ zol at DJ zol on Instagram tomorrow could studio at tomorrow kids official Pinnacle studios at Pinnacle sound OC on Instagram, and you can always find us on Instagram at sex and violence with rebel girl and myself at Ashley MMA. I haven't mentioned this in a minute but in case you guys want to follow our backup account, it's at sex and violence with rebel girl, and then the number two, because we have been known to piss off Instagram every once in a while, I guess they don't like TNA that much, but you know, whatever. So, you know, I hope you guys had a great you know, show so I hope you guys enjoyed the show this week. And I want to say one thing. You guys know what it is same thing every week. Remember, Be kind, be grateful. But don't take shit from anyone. Today next week to hear more tales of sex.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai