Hey guys, welcome back to sex and violence with rebel girl where we interview top level MMA fighters and other experts in their fields like today about low dating romance, and that faulty taboo subject sex. I'm your host, Ashley, Rebel girl, Evanston. Now let's talk about sexting. What's happening?
Unknown Speaker 0:52
Hot Stuff? What's up
Unknown Speaker 0:53
all my naughty listeners. Welcome back to the show. I'm happy you've joined us. We have a special episode and a special guest today. I'm very, very excited. She is a leading sexpert. I will talk more about that later. But until then, what's going on with your girl? same ol, same ol I'm gonna keep it short this
Unknown Speaker 1:12
Unknown Speaker 1:13
are here in California. I don't know where you are. Maybe you're in Arkansas, maybe you're in New York, maybe you're on the other side of the pond? I don't know. But in California, we're getting real close to shutting down, that locking down because of the pandemic. And I'm just really hoping that doesn't happen. I mean, if that's what needs to happen for our safety, yeah, I don't know. I hope that wherever you're at, things are okay. And you're not going to be affected if you have a small business or some kind of financial situation. I'd really didn't think I was gonna have a talk about this again on the podcast. But it is a reality. It feels like a movie, but it's reality. So just sending lots of love your way and hoping that things are on the up and up with you guys. I am just keeping my head down doing PT and my functional patterns with my coach and trying to get my body back to 100% as always. Next week I'm going to Vegas to get tattooed by Mr. Ryan Jenkins out at goddamnit. What is the shop he works at? It is called 777 tattoo shop in Las Vegas. And Ryan Jenkins. Yeah, check them out at Ryan Jenkins tattoo. best artists and Sin City hands down. But yeah, other than that, I'll probably do a little gambling because the boyfriend has helped me gain another vise as if I needed another one. probably put 100 bucks on black and then call it a night. But yeah, so also guys, if you didn't hear already, we're bringing back to the free sticker giveaway, I guess not a giveaway if it's free. But I think this podcast is very important. Obviously I'm biased, but it to me it feels like it could be life changing and groundbreaking. And I'm very very proud of it. I think, you know, I'm paving the way for a lot of people to have conversations that they wouldn't have otherwise and, and that's important. So if you could help me out, help the show help us out by rating and reviewing us on Spotify, iTunes, wherever you listen, there's usually a little review section. Please, please please do that give us as many stars as you think we deserve 1234567 whatever, and screenshot that send it to our Instagram at sex and violence with rebel girl and we'll send you some free stickers also send your address that too. But thank you guys, it really really helps out. Helps us you know move up on those iTunes chart one day we would love to be the number one MMA sex podcast. If there are other competing ones out there. I do not know. last weekend's fights I first first and foremost want to say I'm sorry to you listeners because I was very wrong. When I said there was only going to be like five fights on the card. I made a boo boo and only copy and pasted the main card into my notes. So I'm looking at my full notes here and then I also watched the awesome fights. Stricklin beat Uriah Hall in the main event, which was what I thought would happen, but I thought Strickland was not going to be that dominating and it was very, very impressive. So congrats to Strickland. Still trying to get that crazy guy as a guest on his show. And tomorrow's card, who it's going to be even better. It's going to be a UFC 265 Louis versus gone. I think it's gone or gotten gain gone. He's French sure I believe right? French surreal Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 4:36
Unknown Speaker 4:38
Toyota Center in Houston, Texas. That's the interim Heavyweight Championship. They are not going to wait for the reigning heavyweight Mr. Francis nning gone Oh to come back. Instead they're going to showcase a 265 lb. Interim title fight between those two guys Louis being number two and gone being number three big boys always bring it Unless it was that fight versus Derrick Lewis and Francis zingano then they most definitely did not bring it. I was there live and if you guys watch that fight it was quite a letdown. But you know, two big boys who very much respected each other, you know, just didn't go the way we expected. In the CO main event, former UFC featherweight champion, Jose Aldo will look to lock horns with number eight, Mr. Pedro Munoz. And that bantamweight bow is going to be fired. We already know, action packed and unfortunately, Amanda Nunez versus Julianna Pena, for the 145 pound belt was canceled and I just was so sad. Obviously. It's because the COVID not only didn't Amanda get it, her wife Nina and her daughter Reagan, their daughter, Reagan. They all tested positive, so I'm wishing them a quick and speedy recovery and hopefully that fight gets booked ASAP. Then we got Michael Chan Michael Chandler. He's also in the UC now. Michael he has a vs visit De Luca that's going to be a banger Angela Hill versus Tisha Torres. I believe that is a rematch. Casey Kenny vs. Song Yu Dong. I love saying that guy's name, song Dong song, you know. And then we got the prelims we got halfhill physie vs. Bobby green. Vince mirallas vs Draco, Draco Rodriguez, Ed Herman vs. Alonzo? mansfields. Carolina. Sorry, I'm gonna kill your last name a koala. kics vs. Jessica Penny, our girl Jessica Penny is fighting again. So everybody wish her luck. And the prelims are action packed as well. There's about four fights on that early prelim card. Guys, if you want it to talk to me in any way, whether it's feedback, guest suggestions, sponsorship opportunities, we have an email, it's sex and violence email@example.com you can go ahead and send us an email. And we're always going to talk about our sponsors because they are, you know, how we can keep the lights on they are the one who the ones that keep the show going. So we are always always grateful to our main sponsor, a botanical bloom CBD, they are amazing. All a botanical bloom products are made from real CBD, not hemp seed oil, and all of their products have our lab tested and have a QR code that provides you all of the results on the box. So obviously, me being a UFC fighter, we are tested by Osada, we have to be very careful exactly everything we put in our body. You don't have to be a UFC fighter though, you may just want to know exactly what goes in better safe than sorry, right? So you can scan the QR code and know exactly what's in every single box. They have tinctures hand sanitizers, lip balms, vapor rubs, and delicious gummies with double the average dosage of normal CBD, go follow them at a botanical bloom or check them out at a botanical bloom.com and use code Ashley MMA to get 20% off all products. And then our sexiest sponsor the one who wants to help you love better and love more this summer. It's summer camping season. Let's talk about pitching tense. That's right. This episode is sponsored by blue chew. Blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. The process is simple. Sign up at Blue chew.com consult with one of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. The best part it's all done online. So no visits to the doctor's office. No awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped direct to your door in a discreet package. Guys, there's nothing sexier than confidence and blue chew can help give you the confidence where it counts. So if you can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform, blue chew can help. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try blue chew free when you use promo code. Ashley as h l e at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. That's blue chew calm promo code Ashlee a sh l e to receive your first month free. Visit Blue chew.com for more details and important safety information. Ladies, Bluetooth is exclusively for men, but the end result is something you'll both enjoy. So get your man to sign up. Today's guest is a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist. She is a certified a sex therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, supervisor and pack to train couples therapists in over 14 years of clinical experience. She has conducted clinical and forensic evaluations provided expert witness testimonials in court and been a treatment provider in clinical forensic and correctional settings, the founder of modern intimacy and co founder of Tryon therapy group. She's a passionate advocate for mental health, relational health, sexual health and wellness. In her private practice, she treats issues and trauma substance abuse and addiction, intimacy disorders, eating disorders and body image issues, bipolar disorder, PTSD, depression and anxiety. She's currently writing several books including one titled fuck you fuck me rage, sex and money in relationships and modern society. Today we talk about foot fetish origins, compulsive sexual behaviors, porn, masturbation, infidelity, chemical similarities of sex and fighting, be Ed effects, mismatched libidos, sexual anorexia, and so much more. Here's your guest, Dr. Kate Bella stary.
Unknown Speaker 11:07
The doctor gave me the news.
Unknown Speaker 11:24
Alright guys, we are here with Dr. Kate balas. Dairy. So close balistreri Oh, man, I practice before the episode I still got it wrong. How many times do people murder your last name?
Unknown Speaker 11:38
I mean, it's kind of a daily thing. And I probably do it once a year at least.
Unknown Speaker 11:45
Okay, I'm just gonna call you Dr. Kate, for the episode. Make it simple. But thank you for joining us. Really, really appreciative. I know you're very busy. I've been doing my research and getting more and more impressed and starstruck because you know, you do what I wish I could do you are you're just a very very educated, well knowledgeable person with all these different degrees and certifications in a very, very fun field. So for us layman's, could you tell us what it is? You're exactly certified? And I guess registered? I don't even know the right. License. That's
Unknown Speaker 12:24
the word sorry.
Unknown Speaker 12:25
Yeah, no worries, no worries at all. Well, first, let me just say thank you for inviting me to come on your podcast, I I too, have been peeking at your industry and your work. And I just I think you're such a badass. So I'm really grateful to be here and to be talking about a topic that I think we both really love. So for listeners, just to give a little bit of background, I'm a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, a forensic psychologist, as somebody who practices clinical psychology anywhere where the field intersects with the legal system. So for me, that meant working in the prisons for about 10 years different prison systems. I worked with sexually violent persons, non sexual violent persons, serial killers, arsonists, you name it, you know, ranging with people ranging in age from 13, up to 80. So that was sort of where I cut my teeth clinically. And then I decided to move into private practice, because it's kind of tough to work in a prison, it sort of feels like you're incarcerated. And that's hard for me because I'm super social. And I like my liberty. So I decided to go into private practice. And I became a certified sex addiction therapist, a certified sex therapist, and I'm trained in what's called the pact model of couples therapy. I've got a few other things that I that I've been trained in, in practice, too, but those are really the main areas where I spend my time, you know, helping people heal, and, and thrive really in the areas of their lives, where their mental health, their relationships and their sex lives intersect.
Unknown Speaker 14:06
That is awesome. It sounds like whether you have an addiction problem or a personal problem or a couple's problem. You are qualified to help people and that's awesome. And so I have a quick question just because social media and society, I love that there's more emphasis on sexuality and talking about, you know, our experiences, but I'm getting more confused with the terminology. So there's something called sexpert and a sexologist, and, you know, are those things I know, I'm sure you're called that a lot. Are those real things? Are those made up terms?
Unknown Speaker 14:45
Well, yeah, that's such a great question. I'm so glad you're asking it because those terms do get thrown around so interchangeably. So I'll give just a little bit of background there are very few protected titles in terms of professions out in the world. But psychologist is a protected title, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist is a protected title. But there aren't a lot of protected titles around sexuality. So you don't need to get licensed once you finish your degree. For example, in clinical psychology, you just are a sexologist. So what that means is that there's not a lot of oversight from on a state level about who gets to call themselves that. But for the most part, if you're going to call yourself a sex therapist, you have to be a licensed therapist. And then you have to have taken additional training and coursework, you'd have to have additional supervision, you go through a whole process of having your sexual attitudes examined and making sure that you're fleshing out any biases that you have. So it's a really rigorous process. Now, many people who are sexologist may be therapists too, but they may not be, they may have their doctorate in clinical psychology, which means that basically, they can't do therapy. But they can do a whole lot around coaching and educating and talking about sex and helping people you know, get there in different ways that are not, quote, unquote, therapy. So the only state that I'm aware of in the United States that has protected language around sex therapist is Florida. So the jurisdiction really falls under a couple of different credentialing institutions that basically lay out all of the requirements to call yourself a sex therapist. But only Florida really is the is the state that says we're checking.
Unknown Speaker 16:41
Wow, Florida, I think on average is usually the more lenient and more relaxed. It can be in some ways. Yeah. Well, that's cool. Okay. I wanted to know that I was sure that educated some of the listeners, and you're right with what you said earlier, this is a passion. This is a topic that both of us are very passionate about. I mean, who doesn't like sex? I make a joke all the time. I'm like, yeah, people who don't like sex probably aren't getting that much of it. But I know that's not true. But I want to know how you became how you decided that this is what I want to do. This is what I want to specialize in. Was there a clear path? You always know that? Did you were you involved in something else prior to this?
Unknown Speaker 17:24
Yeah, so so this is actually a second career. For me, when I first got started out of high school, I took a very non traditional route through college, I grew up with, with a lot of family messaging that girls didn't need to go to school. So that was really never a part of the trajectory for me. But I'm very oppositional. So I decided to go to school anyway. And I got an associate degree in marketing. And that really helped me kind of branch out in the world. And I started working in business in corporate America as an insurance agent and broker, meaning that I helped companies build an employee benefit plan for their staff, and then help them administer it. And it was great, honestly, I made a ton of money. And I was really happy doing that for a while. But when I thought about doing it for I think at the time, I was 23. So the next you know, maybe 50 years of my life. I I just thought no, no, no. Hard to be passionate about insurance for 15 years. Yeah, well, I also wasn't sure where that industry was going to was going to be going. I mean, there were a lot of changes happening at the time. So you know, it's not a slight at all on the insurance industry. We, you know, I'm not even going to go there. But I just knew for me, I needed something with a little bit more soul and a little bit more creativity. And when I thought about what got me super excited, honestly, what came to mind were all the true crime stories that I watched on TV every day, actually.
Unknown Speaker 19:01
Yeah, right. me.
Unknown Speaker 19:02
I literally was just watching the first 48 left with my boyfriend last night. And like, after a while, I just start to feel like bad. I'm like, there's so much crime in the world. Like, we got to turn this off and watch, you know, Family Guy.
Unknown Speaker 19:15
Yeah, exactly. Which is a different sort of awesome terror about the world. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 19:20
Unknown Speaker 19:23
Yeah, so So I thought, well, I really am always so curious about what compels human behavior. So this could be interesting. And I started doing some research, and I really thought I would be the next Clarice Starling and do a lot of forensic profiling. And I was super excited about it. So I went back to school, and that's what I did.
Unknown Speaker 19:44
That's amazing. And so you explained to us already that you were in the prison systems and helping there which I'm sure if I hadn't, you know, enough time on this podcast, you could tell me some crazy stories about helping inmates. You know, you In prison with their issues, crazy. And then he got out of the prison system, a correctional system, I guess you would say. And now you're helping one on one and couples and you are located in Beverly Hills or Miami,
Unknown Speaker 20:15
or both. Oh, what so we have my company, modern intimacy has presence in four states and soon to be five. So our our flagship location is in Beverly Hills. And then we also have presence in Miami and Chicago, Denver, and then New York is where we are going to be launching soon.
Unknown Speaker 20:39
So what what that means is that we can work with anybody who lives in in any of those states. Awesome. And modern intimacy, that would be the umbrella company that you oversee. And so are there different therapists that are that work with people? It's not just you?
Unknown Speaker 20:56
Correct? Yeah, yeah, I founded this company. This is my second group practice that I've founded. The first one, I started with a business partner. And at the start of the pandemic, she really wanted to kind of, you know, ease up on her schedule. So we decided to close that practice. I launched modern intimacy, and started growing it to all of these different states. And right now, we've got, I believe, three therapists and a bunch of interns who are super excited to work with us from across the country, and they help with social media content development, and it's just a really fun learning environment. And we're super supportive of each other and the clients that we work with.
Unknown Speaker 21:36
So modern intimacy has only been around since the pandemic started. Since March of 2020. Yes, impressive. I mean, anyone who can create something during this pandemic, I my hat's off to them, it's been, you know, kind of a sink or swim situation for a lot of people. And you are a prime example of, you know, you chose to swim and you grew a company. That's amazing. And it sounds like, as soon as things Stop being so weird. I mean, you said that thing about New York, and I'm like, Oh, no, not to bring the bad news. But it sounds like you know, everything's, you got to have a vaccination passport card over there. And it's gonna happen with California. And so I just assumed that means trouble for businesses?
Unknown Speaker 22:19
It does right now. We're 100% virtual, though, so we're not only impacted? Yeah, I gave up our office space when the pandemic started, because, because there was no need for an office. So probably, you know, around the start of next year, I'll start looking at physical locations. Again, once all of the pandemic is a little bit more closer to whatever the next new normal will be. Exactly. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 22:45
I do. Because I'm thinking, you know, if I had, let's, hypothetically speaking, a sex addiction of some sort, whether it was pornography or masturbation, I would feel, in my own opinion, maybe people are different. But I feel like I would open up easier to someone in person than over zoom or something like that. It seems very impersonal. But but maybe that is maybe it's flip flop, maybe people actually feel like they can be more themselves, because they're not in the same room with you.
Unknown Speaker 23:14
I've seen it go both ways. And it's interesting, it does seem to be correlated with people's attachment styles. In addition to other environmental stressors, for people who maybe have roommates or children or their partner living at home, it's a little bit more challenging to find privacy, but also people really love the convenience of being able to avoid traffic and fit there without it having to be a big chaotic hullabaloo. But yeah, I mean, some people definitely miss being in person. And there are pros and cons to both both approaches. Yeah, for sure.
Unknown Speaker 23:51
I agree. So I, you know, thought real hard about what I want to talk to you in this short hour that we have. And I tried to structure the episode around athletics and you know, things that athletes may deal with on a sexual level, or relationship or romantic level. And you and I talked initially about how the chemicals in the brain are very similar when you're having sex versus when you are fighting in some kind of altercation. You're competing, you know, adrenaline, and so what are your thoughts on I guess, athletes and the, you know, I, in my own opinion, it seems that me and my co workers are a little more sexually driven. You know, I like to say, you know, women who do this sport, probably have a little bit raised testosterone. I know my myself, I do raised estrogen raised testosterone, which I believe Kickstarter, you know, increases your sex drive. So many your medical professional opinion, is there some kind of correlation between athletes and higher Sex drives?
Unknown Speaker 25:02
That's a great question. I don't know the exact research on that. But I would guess it's a little bit of a chicken or an egg situation in that if somebody gets really athletic or really physical and their agility levels rise, and they're more engaged with their body and with its performance and with its limits, that can actually increase a higher degree of embodiment, which can increase higher awarenesses of feeling aroused, in addition to you know, higher levels of testosterone and estrogen and all the other endorphins and and the chemicals in the brain like norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, you know, all the field goods that come with working out and exercising. So it could be that people who have higher levels of that are drawn to athleticism because they want somewhere to channel to channel all of that neurobiological predisposition, it could be that it is generated through the sport, and it could be a bit of both, right? A bit of a feedback loop.
Unknown Speaker 26:06
Yeah, yeah. Like you said, chicken or egg. You know, maybe these people, you know, already would have had a high sex drive, but then they get into a sport, where raises, there's testosterone levels, and interesting, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 26:19
And when it comes to women, though, if I can just throw one quick thing out there, I think a lot of women who are drawn to the more competitive sports, especially the fighting sports, like what you're in, these are women who are used to confronting social norms. And so I would say that that in and of itself can create adrenaline because there's a higher degree of fight involved in our nervous systems, when we're turning around every day and saying Fq to an oppressive system of patriarchal ideals, right. And so for women who are fighters, they're saying that every day implicitly or explicitly, like I will, I will do me, I will be me, I will show up in this way. And I'm not going to sit down and be quiet like, what is as is often expected of women? Yes. So I think that can kind of become its own additional psychosocial feedback loop.
Unknown Speaker 27:11
Yeah, I mean, I just put it in layman's terms, like fighter girls and fighter fighters in general, we seem to be extra horny. He's just sexual. But yeah, there's there's probably a lot of science behind that. Another thing that we wanted to talk about was performance enhancers. So P DS, and, you know, obviously, a lot of changes happen physically, aesthetically, muscles, and, you know, enlarging of body parts and whatnot. But then I'm sure you know, other things come into play. So I know that sex drive changes as well, whether it's higher or lower. And yeah, I guess just want to talk about that briefly.
Unknown Speaker 27:53
Yeah, of course, you know, for people of all genders, performance enhancing drugs can have a really huge impact on their bodies, physically, in terms of agility in terms of strength, and obviously, sex drive. And it differs from person to person. But for many people with penises, what they experience is a loss of, you know, erectile function. And that can be very frustrating for them. Sometimes they'll even report their penises changing in size and getting smaller, which can be very frustrating for them, because it's obviously, you know, not aligning with how they want to see themselves, or how they want to perform in in bed. I hate that word perform in bed. Sex is not a performance. But I know a lot of people think of it that way. Yeah. But so that can be you know, something that can cause some Distress for some people with penises. And for people with vulvas. You know, one of the things that can happen as a result of PE D use is an enlarged clitoris, which can create a lot more sensation, higher sex drive, but also can you know, contradict some of the ideas that they have about how their body should look. So it can create kind of a complicated relationship for some folks.
Unknown Speaker 29:12
Yeah, yeah. And so with the males, do they increase? Do they have the sensation of increased sex drive as well? Or is that? I mean, I know there's also like, you know, emotional and mental things that go on as well like on a psychological level. So what are those kind of things that will happen with with males or females?
Unknown Speaker 29:33
Well, I mean, I think sometimes it can increase sex drive for people of all genders. But again, if there's sexual dysfunction involved, that can create a really exacerbated level of frustration that might then double with some of the you know, the term steroid Raider roid rage comes to mind. You know, because when we increase, you know, the, the use of PE D that can create a lot of emotional dysregulation And people can be a lot quicker to go to rage and to go to fight, which certainly can increase their their sexual desire their sex drive, but you know, they might not be able to go anywhere with it.
Unknown Speaker 30:11
Yeah, it sounds like a vicious cycle if I am taking PDS and my sex drive increases, but I'm a guy and I can't perform, but I want to perform really bad. It seems like a horrible vicious cycle of blue ball.
Unknown Speaker 30:24
Unknown Speaker 30:26
It can be very, yeah, it can be very frustrating and disappointing for them, which is I think, you know, why a lot of people really struggle with Should I take these or shouldn't die? I mean, I think it's always
Unknown Speaker 30:39
it's always a no, you know, I just bring it up not because it's something that I believe in or, or anything like that, but it is an ugly part of the sport. You know, I'm very fortunate to be in a sport like the UFC that has usado who drug tests like nobody's business? No. 6am knocking at your door, pee in this cup. You know, you're not peeing until you know, I'm not leaving until you pee kind of situation. It's annoying in the moment, but you know, they leave and, you know, you take a breath of fresh air because you want to be a part of a clean sport. But
Unknown Speaker 31:11
Unknown Speaker 31:12
I do believe that sometimes things slip under the radar. Or maybe if you go do a jujitsu match for fun. And then there you got some some chick who's just like muscles on her muscles, and you're like, oh, gosh, okay. So it happens. It's out there. I wanted to talk about that. Part of you know, being a professional athlete is this very, very intense training, we call it fight camp, where it's where we're, you know, preparing for an actual competition. We're kind of always in season, if you will. But a lot of this training sometimes, even personally, you know, you have a sex drive, but you're like, Oh, I'm just so tired. Could you please just get on top? And I know that that makes for mismatched libidos. And so I guess, you know, you being a sex therapist, and a couples therapist, have you worked with I'm sure you have couples who one person whether it's male or female, and is very, very horny revved up, ready to go and the other person just isn't. But they they love each other. And they're in a relationship like what do you do? What what you know, it's such a hard thing to navigate. And, and sensitive because you know, everybody's sensitive about, you know, their sexual. Yeah. So how do you deal with that?
Unknown Speaker 32:29
Well, then, I'm so glad you're asking this question, because it is something that so many couples struggle with, whether they are athletes or not. But it's it's really, it's unrealistic to think that our partners always going to want to be sexual at the same time, we want to be sexual because they're not always hungry at the same time, they're not always tired at the same time. So our libido works the same way. We're independent organisms. But when couples do find themselves with sort of pervasive desire discrepancy or mismatch libido, usually the conversation comes down to a couple of things. One, we want to peel back the layers and understand what's contributing to the differences. So for the partner who has the lower desire, or the lower libido, first thing I want to know is, is there anything going on that is really pumping the brakes for them? You know, are they afraid? Are they scared, or they insecure? Is there something that happened earlier in their life that might get in the way of them feeling really alive in their body or alive sexually. And sometimes we can, we can find those things and find some resolve, and then their libido gets a little bit closer to their partners, and it's easier to navigate. But for some folks who maybe are asexual or who have chronic medical conditions, or chronic fatigue, or just really aren't all that interested in being sexual, it can be a little bit challenging. So what really is helpful is to help the couples brainstorm ideas together about how they're going to negotiate in a way that allows both of them to feel empowered. And sometimes that could include getting a little bit creative, like maybe one partner engages in watching more pornography and more of a solo sex life. Maybe they open up the relationship for certain kinds of activities, or maybe they find a way to work together monogamously and you know, really kind of brainstorm ways that they can get closer on the same page, you know, are given taken this way and given taken that way, and it has to make sense for them so that the person with the lower libido isn't feeling like they're obligated and doing something that goes against their own sense of agency.
Unknown Speaker 34:46
Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And I'm wondering, um, you know, I can only talk speak on my own experiences, but especially for younger couples, is probably very hard. to just say, hey, let's sit down and communicate about our libido. Like, I am 34 years old, and I think my partner now would do that, because, you know, I'm a very open person, he's an open person, we're in our 30s. But these people in their, in their, you know, you know, teens 20s, you know, even early 30s, you know, I mean, it probably can go into your 40s and 50s, there's so much stigma and negativity around talking about sex. I'm realizing as we speak, that it's probably, you know, why you have a job, you know, these couples probably can only talk about this with this, you know, you therapist, someone to, you know, be the glue, because I'm like listening to you. And I'm like, I don't think me or any of my friends would be able to sit their partner down and just say, hey, let's talk about our mismatched libido. So how would they go about doing that with someone? Just Do you have any, I guess, suggestions of how to bring that up in a delicate way?
Unknown Speaker 36:02
Yeah, yeah. I mean, Well, look, first, I just want to say that if I were ever Queen of the universe, one of the things that I would change immediately is our sex education program in this country. Yeah. And I would start that dialogue a lot earlier and have it focused on things like safety and communication, and, you know, all at and pleasure and all of the things that we really don't get consistent messaging around when we are younger, and those the absence of those messages and or the sex negative messages that people get, are really a big part of why it feels so scary to bring it up now. But so for couples who want to start this conversation, I think it's really important that you let it be known that this may be a scary or an uncomfortable situation or conversation and first kind of establish how do you want to support each other through what could be an awkward conversation, you know, give each other permission to take breaks to reframe, and really set a premise of non judgment. And, and, you know, make it known that it might be wobbly and so can you give each other extra Grace? To have a wobbly conversation? Potentially? Yeah. That can be really a helpful start.
Unknown Speaker 37:21
Yeah, preface the whole situation with All I'm trying to do is make us more compatible, happier. Fuck more. No. More fuck better. So. Yeah, yeah, that's and connect more right? I mean, connecting people might be physical. Both? Yes, yes. Yes. Very beautiful, spiritual connection as well. Geez, actually, you know, you no shame here. You are. Right. And yeah, that's I think that's, that's very, very smart. Right? You can't just be like, Hey, you know, like, why don't we have sex more, you got to have like, ease into it soften the whole situation.
Unknown Speaker 38:05
Yeah, that's well, and thank you for just using that example. Right? Like, that's a great example of what not to say, why don't we have sex more? Yeah. It's accusatory blaming, it's shaming. Another way to maybe start that conversation is, here are some of the things that I really love about the way we are sexual together. Here are some things that I would love for us to do more of or I would love to talk about exploring together. And then again, here are some things that I'm so grateful for in our dynamic in our sex life in our relationship, really kind of bookend this, the whatever constructive exploration or questions you've got, with really celebratory, yes, comments.
Unknown Speaker 38:48
I don't mean to downplay what you just said. I just love what you said, because I always make reference to the friends episode where Joey gives a compliment sandwich, have you heard and he's like, you gotta start with a compliment. And you break up with them. And then you end with a compliment.
Unknown Speaker 39:05
You got to soften it and then he breaks their heart and then you end with the butcher so pretty or something like that. So it sounds like similar situation, different content. But
Unknown Speaker 39:14
you know, like, I love this about our love our sex life. This is what I wish we could work on. But don't forget how much I love this great thing. Yes, exactly.
Unknown Speaker 39:22
Compliment sandwich work works for the bedroom talk as well. That's great. It really does. It really does. Joey was a genius.
Unknown Speaker 39:31
So some things. Another topic I wanted to touch on briefly is what you call yourself competing thirds. Now I didn't understand and had never heard this term before but but I love it. I believe what I'm getting what I'm understanding is that it competing third is something you know you your partner, and then a third thing that is getting in the way of your relationship.
Unknown Speaker 39:54
Absolutely. So that I want to just make it known that's not my language that language comes from the pact Institute which is Dr. Stan Tompkins couples therapy Institute where I'm trained and but you're absolutely right about what it means. So a third is anything that stands to threaten the security of your relationship, your couples ship. So it could be your job. It could be conflict in your sex life. It could be your kids, it could be either of your parents or families of origin. It could be your dog. It could be the fact that one of you hates to do laundry and the other one of you is too busy to do it. So it just piles up in the bedroom. financial situations, the pandemic, absolutely, yeah. Okay. loging different beliefs. Yeah, I've been there. Okay, yes. So how couples manage thirds together really says a lot about how they prioritize the health and the security of their relationship. Because Stan's philosophy that the philosophy of the pact Institute is that couples always prioritize the couple's ship over everything else. So that means that your mom who always wants to say and what you guys do on your vacations, needs to get, you know, properly reallocated to second or third poll and the position here and the two of you are in, in the top place for that dialogue.
Unknown Speaker 41:22
Yeah, I understand. So first thing that comes to mind as an athlete, and as a podcast host who's interviewed 60 something guests who have, you know, issues in their relationships? A lot of the number one topic is he or my sport takes a lot of sacrifice, discipline and selfishness. And so would you say that, you know, careers and being a professional athlete could be a competing third?
Unknown Speaker 41:52
It could be absolutely, it really depends on how the couple talks with each other about that? How do they negotiate for time? How do they prioritize their time outside of those, the need to train or to travel for competitions, for example. So having a thriving career, whether you're an athlete and attorney, a physician, whether you work at Trader Joe's, like whatever your story is, your if your career is important to you, it could be a third, but it also can be something that you manage really well together, as long as you find ways to really prioritize the time that you do have. And you're both okay with it, and you repair any ruptures quickly. And effectively.
Unknown Speaker 42:35
I feel like you just summed like, like, gave me a synopsis for a very large part of what you do. But what I'm understanding is that if there's a competing third in your relationship, you're saying that you need you and your partner need to figure out a way to make sure that the relationship is always number one. And we'll solve a lot of these things. Because I'm, you know, I want to ask you like, oh, what's next? What do you got to do, but it almost sounds easy, you know, obviously, on paper, like, you have to just put your relationship number number one first, and work. It's complicated as that that
Unknown Speaker 43:08
means different things to different partners. And so there's where you've got to really get clear with each other and learn how to negotiate and I say, negotiate and not compromise, because compromise feels so passive. And so settling, but negotiating is a much more advocating strategy. Yeah, it is. It's definitely more even a more empowering word, right? Like I negotiated this. Yeah, right. It puts us on the same playing field, right? So positions partners with equal power, and somebody compromises it usually means so I compromised right I gave in I settled, I did, and it feels very disempowering. But when we remember we're both two equals in a dynamic and we both have a say, and if I don't like the outcome of this, okay, well, what are you going to give me for it? Yeah, you're gonna you're going to travel, you're going to train for two months straight, and I won't see you. Alright, well, then I would like to go to Hawaii for a weekend when you're back. Yeah, it sounds like you mean? My sound engineers like God. Yeah, let's do that. I'm in.
Unknown Speaker 44:13
It sounds like you most definitely. And this is obviously a Noda for most but I didn't figure this out till much later. But you need to have a partner who respects you enough to consider you an equal. I know unfortunately, that's not always the case. One person thinks that their time or their schedule is more important than the other person's and you know if that's the case, then you need to get out right away, but I'm learning so much this is great. Okay. One very awesome, you know, a topic that I know a lot of people like to listen to, and I know a lot of people do have issues with but no one really wants to talk about it and admit to it is compulsive sexual behavior. I bring this up because I know that athletes like myself are extremists. We go zero to 100 Whether they're all in or all out, so I've been trying to think in my head, like there's probably some compulsive behavior on a sexual level as well, not just in athletics, so meaning porn or masturbation, you know, what are some compulsive behaviors sexually that you deal with?
Unknown Speaker 45:18
I mean, you just named to so compulsively viewing pornography compulsively masturbating, sometimes compulsively being sexual with partners outside of a primary relationship. But sometimes it also can refer to compulsive sexual anorexia. Or think about it as like restricting or avoiding somebody is just as preoccupied with sex, but instead of engaging in the behavior, they're restricting or avoiding the behavior. So certainly, wherever somebody has the potential to be compulsive in their life, sexual compulsivity could be something that they struggle with two.
Unknown Speaker 45:56
I've never heard of sexual anorexia before. Hmm. And I mean, I've heard of the word asexual where someone just doesn't have the desire to be sexual, if that's what I'm understanding the sexual anorexia What is that? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 46:11
these are two different phenomenon, right, somebody who's asexual typically, of course, people who are asexual are not a monolith. But typically, they're really not all that interested in being sexual, and they're not all that bothered by sex, they're just sort of okay to exist. Without it. Sexual anorexia is a little bit different in that somebody typically has a lot of shame around sex, or they are shaming about sex. They're very preoccupied with it. It feels wrong, dirty, bad. So there's a level of cognitive preoccupation that feels compulsive and difficult for them to disentangle. But the behavior is such that they actively refrain from being sexual for lots of different reasons.
Unknown Speaker 46:55
Yeah, that's probably there's probably a lot of psychological things to unpack there to get to the root of that. Okay, so I guess my question is, porn masturbation, I feel like those are a little bit. No, I don't want to say that because I don't know. But it seems from the outside here, that that would be something to that's a little easier to get a grip on as far as like, how do you control that? I mean, but, but maybe it's not, you know, I myself am an alcoholic. And I have to always, you know, every day consistently, you know, remind myself and not fall into old patterns. So are there things that you know, people struggle with who porn or constant masturbation like what can they do to improve their lives to not be so addicted?
Unknown Speaker 47:43
Great question. So I mean, there are different models and different ways to help someone redefine their relationship with sex. If they're struggling with compulsivity, certainly, there are 12 step groups out there that help just like with chemical addictions. So for any kind of chronic or compulsive, excessive masturbation and pornography or you know, sex with partners, if it's excessive and compulsive, then toss up groups can be really helpful for some folks, you know, if there's already an appreciation for that type of recovery, then these can be a great and free place for people to find some respite. Working with a sex therapist, or a sex addiction therapist is another great way to start getting containment around behaviors that each person has identified don't work for them. Right? So if you ever start working with a therapist, who says, Well, you shouldn't do this, or you shouldn't like that, I would say run for the hills and run fast. Because what that you know, there are very few incredibly sex negative therapists out there like that. But there are some people who you know, maybe have a you know, different ideas and, and aren't able to sort of parse out their own biases. A really strong sex therapist is going to help you define for yourself, what feels like a sexual value system that you want to live with and put into play. And they're going to help you really kind of challenge what what how do you Why do you believe that? Is there any shame here that's influencing that decision? Is it causing conflict in your relationship? And if you weren't in this relationship, would you have a different feeling about your sexual behavior? So there's a lot of layers to peel back here to make sure that there actually is a problem? Because I think a lot of people will automatically assume that their sex addict if they have a higher sex drive than than their partner, or, you know, than other people, and that's just not always the case. Yeah, no, I
Unknown Speaker 49:46
mean, I myself would feel like it would be an addiction if it interferes with my life somehow or my relationship. If it's affecting my life in a negative way, my career relationships that, you know, because that's how I gauged my alcohol addiction, you know, there's only so long you can say, I don't really want to go out with that guy, I don't really want that job. I don't really want that car whoops, you know, like, how long can you lie to yourself before you're like, Okay, this is clearly affecting my life. So if you are Yeah, getting, you know, things are going downhill because of constant masturbation or pornography, or you can't keep a relationship because, you know, whatever. I mean, I'm sure a lot of negative things come, you know, come up when you have these issues. But yeah, I guess that 12 step program, but you know, working with someone like you seems a little bit, I don't know what's better, but But yeah, it's just one way one thing that they can do to work on their addiction.
Unknown Speaker 50:46
Yeah, I mean, really, again, each person gets to define a recovery that works for them, right, based on what they've identified to be the problem. And I really like what you said in it and agree with that 100%, there's no problem unless there's a problem. So if there are negative consequences in your life, because of the sexual behavior you're engaging in, and you can't stop even after you've identified there's a problem. And I would say, that's a good time to maybe start asking for help, right to think about what options are out there and what could be the best fit for you.
Unknown Speaker 51:16
Yeah, and you know, it's funny, I'm just thinking as we talk, now that I'm interviewing more people that are more open with their sexuality and learning myself, like on the job, I guess you would say, all these different lifestyles, we just had a guest on Kira Vitara, shout out little mogwai she's a fighter, but she's also very open about being polyamorous. And I just had a thought to myself, I'm like, Okay, what if I did have a porn addiction or a masturbation or just, I don't wanna say, yeah, sex addict, I guess, you know, legit sex addict where I couldn't keep a relationship because I just wanted to have sex so much. Would it be negative to just change my lifestyle and just say, Okay, I'm just gonna be in polyamorous polyamorous relationships, because, you know, I don't think I can control my sexual urges, or is that like, just, you know, putting fire putting gasoline on the fire?
Unknown Speaker 52:12
It's such a great question. And it reminds me of an article that a woman named Amy dresner wrote a while ago, a few years ago about how, you know, open relationships or polyamory could be kind of a harm reduction approach to sex addiction. And yeah, like, I think it's it's person specific, and it's relationship specific. So one of the things that is so I think, woven into the fabric of compulsive sexual behavior is deception and secrecy. Yeah, right. And that's very much in contrast to what happens in polyamorous relationships, or in open relationships, consensual, non monogamy, and so on. Those relationships are based on transparency, volition, consent, a discussion of boundaries ahead of time and adherence to them. So that's the direct opposite to what's happening when many people are engaged in compulsive sexual behavior. So what I would say to your question is, if somebody is finding out that they want to be sexual with more people, and they're, you know, in a situation where they can be transparent about that, and they open up and become more expansive, in their sexual relationships, then that could be great. And then maybe it was never a compulsive sexual problem. Maybe in fact, it was they didn't fully understand their own authentic erotic template. Yeah, it's just like
Unknown Speaker 53:42
you said, perfectly, it's nothing is black and white, there's no you know, it's different for everyone is what you said. So you have to gauge you know, your own desires and needs and your partners. And so yeah, it's very, very complicated. And that's why we have people like you to help us with those. I wanted to end the episode with a few listener questions. Is that okay? crossed? Oh, yeah, that's great. Okay, we got some good ones for you. So the first one is from at Oso, all kado any tips to become more present during sex parentheses, or to not think about other people while having sex with your partner? Great
Unknown Speaker 54:32
question. So one of the things that I would recommend for people to do to stay more present is to practice being mindful and practice doing some embodied meditation when they're not being sexual. And then bringing that practice into the bedroom and really kind of, you know, staying focused on different parts of your body so that could look like maybe flexing your pelvic floor muscles and during Sex, kind of focusing a little bit more on what to those sensations feel like as you contract your pelvic floor muscles, and staying very present there, if you're trying to stay more embodied, and in the moment, you can do other kinds of physical movements and really kind of bring awareness to those things. To those movements in the moment, not only does it keep you present, but it can also turn up a lot of erotic heat in the situation that you're in. making eye contact with the partner is another way to, you know, eradicate other people from your mind, but also to stay really present in the moment and talk about heat. Right? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 55:37
Oh, yeah, it's add so much more passion when you're staring someone in the eyes firstname.lastname@example.org a mission? What's the difference between a normal parentheses but high sex drive and addiction?
Unknown Speaker 55:52
Well, I think I think we covered that right. People can have an incredibly high libido and not be sex addicts. They can be sleeping with lots of different people and not be sex addicts. What what really differentiates a high libido from a compulsive sexual situation or sex addiction is secrecy usually. And then it's it's got negative consequences in your life, and it's still difficult to stop. Many people experience changes in mood if they're not able to be sexual, or after they've been sexual. They might experience shame or irritation or feeling really sad or depressed. And then, you know, they might need more or more intense forms of sex to achieve the same kind of elation.
Unknown Speaker 56:41
Yeah, that's something we didn't talk about. But similar to mismatched libidos, you know, what if you have a partner, and you have mismatched fantasies, that you know, maybe one person is not willing to do and then, you know, that might cause infidelity. Because they really, you know, if they are a sex addict, then they want to go somewhere to get that need fulfilled. Oh, complicated complications.
Unknown Speaker 57:05
Well, I mean, listen, not everybody who cheats is a sex addict. And not every sex addict cheats. That's true.
Unknown Speaker 57:11
Yeah. Yeah, I guess Sorry. Sorry. People who have sex addicts, I don't mean to put you in a negative light. I'm sure there's lots of people who can control themselves. You know, I mean, look, I just, I just use myself as an example with the alcoholism, you know, two years sober. You know, someone would be like, Oh, she's probably drinking and doing bad stuff, you know? But, but yeah, so I don't mean to sexually shame people who have addictions as well. Okay, moving on, before I put my foot in my mouth again. At Mike honcho 714 asked her what came first, the foot or the foot fetish? Why is the foot a huge fetish? And is there a hand fetish? Great question. We have a lot of foot lovers that tune in
Unknown Speaker 57:59
there, you know what foot fetishes are among the most common fetishes. that exists for a couple of reasons. So I'll go psychoanalytic first, and then we can talk about the brain. So from a very psychoanalytic perspective, in other words, what we're for, I'd say about that perspective. Basically, we can sometimes find feet very erotic because we, when we were younger, experienced some kind of pleasurable sensations in our body when we happen to be around feet, or playing with our own feet, or playing with the parents feet, for example. And so that can sometimes create a bit of a fusion there between erotic charge and the foot or the body part, whether it's a hand or foot or breast, kind of doesn't matter. But for feet, if you think about, like when we're young, guess what we're small. And we spend a lot of time on the ground. And so that means that there are a lot more feet that we come into contact with. And so a lot of people can develop foot fetishes, because of some erotic charge around you know, one of their parents feed or an older siblings, feed or babysitters feed or something of that nature. And it just happens that they were experiencing sensations in their body. And their brain identified who there's a foot here, and then those wires got put together. But another hypothesis can be that in the brain, actually, the somatosensory receptors for genitals and feet are very close together. And so sometimes, you know, there can be a little bit of charge in the neural pathways that maybe gets misdirected or gets fused together, depending on kind of in the brain how closely they sit. Wow, I bet
Unknown Speaker 59:46
mind blowing never thought about it that way. But yeah. Good to know. And then yeah, is there a I guess, second part of that question Are their hand fetishes.
Unknown Speaker 59:55
You can have a fetish for any part of the body and for any kind of inanimate object, you know, from remote controls to chapstick to mugs to breast to shoulders to big toes, little toes, anything that represents a part of the body or some kind of inanimate object. Yeah, actually, no, you know, you
Unknown Speaker 1:00:18
think about it. I know someone who's really into forearms. Yeah. Which is different. Okay, and this one's anonymous, we have two anonymous is two anonymous questions. Okay. How often is considered health? A healthy amount to watch porn slash masturbate?
Unknown Speaker 1:00:36
Great question. The answer is that it's different for everyone. And each person has to make that decision for themselves. But the question maybe to ask yourself is, am I doing this in any way or any duration of time that is getting in the way of me doing other things that are important to me, in my life, like work, for example? Or is it getting in the way if you being the kind of parent you want to be? Or the kind of partner you want to be? Is it interrupting your ability to go out and have other hobbies? Are you spending more money than you make on pay to play porn? Right? So are there consequences that are getting in the way of you having a balanced life in a way that you've defined that for yourself? Oh, yeah, actually, I
Unknown Speaker 1:01:23
totally forgot that people pay for porn and interaction type situations, because it is a crazy, very available situation nowadays. But yeah, it could really cut into someone's financial situation. You just like gambling, and then obviously, that financial situation would cause friction in the relationship if you're married and share a bank account.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:44
That's Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:46
And then at healthy Miko, Mike, craziest a sexual injury you have come across. I know you're not, you know, that kind of a doctor, but I think they're wondering if maybe someone told you about an injury or something? Well,
Unknown Speaker 1:02:02
let me think about how to hurt or take that because I never want to put people's stories out there in the world and poke fun at them. No,
Unknown Speaker 1:02:10
no. This no one is poking fun of anyone on this show. We're very open and understanding. And it's all about education and learning right now. And we thank you for the education even sharing this story. I think, you know, if someone was to break their pelvis bone, or you know, something like that, and then, you know, we talked about it on the podcast, you know, they may relate to that. And so that's why we bring up these stories.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:37
Well, let me think about, we think what's the what's the most curious? injury? I mean, men can break their dicks, right?
Unknown Speaker 1:02:48
I mean, I've heard someone can't Yeah, let in. And, I mean, there's like a story that kind of goes around the MMA community of someone who actually broke his Wiener, while having sex. But yeah, so what I guess my question is, what's the recovery process like that for?
Unknown Speaker 1:03:09
So I'm not a medical doctor, I want to be careful not to speak out of scope there. But it definitely is possible to injure a penis and into fracture, or break. I'm not sure the right terminology. Again, I'm not a medical doctor. So I don't want to imply any sort of anatomy internally that exists if it doesn't. But but certainly that whether it's a sprain or a fracture, or break, I mean, there can be some pretty significant damage that can happen. And I would defer to a urologist to answer the treatments for that. But my guess is that there's, you know, some time away from having sex for a while until that injury really heals.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:53
Yeah, yeah, of course. Okay, last question. It's also from an anonymous follower. They say, my partner has gained weight, and I've become attracted to her. I love her and everything else in our relationship is amazing. What can I do without hurting her feelings? And making her feel insecure? I know, I sound like an asshole.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:16
Well, I think this is a really common and really difficult situation because all partners in a relationship have needs and all of us have changes and evolutions that we go through. So I think what, what I would recommend here is to really think about, you know, what are some ways that your partner might really benefit from being supported differently, that might give her the bandwidth or the the motivation to take care of herself differently, if that's a goal of hers, if it's not a goal of hers to you know, change her body shape or to be more fit And then I would say learning to really lean into the other ways that you'd love her is going to be important and maybe questioning some of the attachments and meanings that may be developed around her changed body. But also like, you know, really kind of thinking about, do the two of you have the same values? Can you communicate around those values? Are there ways for you to find new ways to be sexual together? Sometimes that can be fun and exploratory. But if it's something that you know, as is her new normal, and she's not interested in changing her body back, and that's kind of a different scenario, and maybe couples therapy is a good place to start because a couples therapist can help you have that conversation really sensitively. Yeah, and maybe peel back some of the Layers of Fear or shame that might be getting in the way of couples being able to communicate that really effectively.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:55
That is a perfect segue into what I want to ask you, if I myself would like to, you know,
Unknown Speaker 1:06:04
what's the word I'm looking for? I'm sorry,
Unknown Speaker 1:06:05
hire you book, you know, a consultation or, you know, I want to bring my partner in, in I in for some therapy, whether it be virtual or in person eventually, how would someone get ahold of you?
Unknown Speaker 1:06:19
Yeah, thank you. Um, so for anybody who is in California, Florida, Illinois, Colorado, or New York, if they are listening and want to set up a consultation, the best way to do that is to go to our website, which is modern intimacy.com. And you can go to our contact page. So modern intimacy, comm slash contact, and that will get you synced up with our calendar to make space for a free 30 minute consultation. We have an amazing intake specialists to speak with everyone and learns about their goals, answers questions, and then helps them figure out which therapist on our team might be the best fit for them. Awesome.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:58
I follow you on social media. I love the posts you make. They're so informative. I've learned so much just in this last week from following you. If anyone wants to follow you on social media, how do they do that?
Unknown Speaker 1:07:09
Oh, thank you so much. I'm so glad to know that the posts are informative. My social handles on tik tok and Instagram are at Dr. Kate balistreri. So it's Dr. k, t, e, ba, l, e, s, t, ri, E, ri.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:23
And all of those handles will be in the show notes like always guys, so you don't have to write it down. Don't crash your car, don't stop doing the spreadsheets. keep on working, or cleaning whatever you're doing. And lastly, I know you also have a podcast, what is it called? What's it about? And how, where can we find it?
Unknown Speaker 1:07:43
Yeah, thanks. It's called modern intimacy. And people can find it on Apple podcasts or Spotify, or pretty much anywhere that you find your podcast. And it's really about that intersection of mental health, relationships, sexuality and culture. You know, I talk about social issues, more therapeutic issues, things related to sex, specifically, and it's just ramping up. So anybody who wants to have a listen, I would love for this, subscribe and leave us some notes and tell us what kinds of topics you'd like to cover. Well, thank
Unknown Speaker 1:08:13
you so much for joining us on my podcast. I myself am not a doctor. I'm not qualified. I'm not certified. I'm not licensed. I don't know anything, except for how to punch people in the face and create an open dialogue about topics that I think should be more normalized, which is sex and everything we just covered. So thank you so much for being on the show. And I'm going to continue to follow you and learn and
Unknown Speaker 1:08:39
yeah, that's all. Well, thank you so much for having me on the show. And maybe sometime you can teach me how to punch people in the face.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:44
Of course. Yeah. trade for trade you. therapy for a buck lesson. Thank you. Okay, talk to you soon. Take care. I take it out. are you falling? from a friend?
Unknown Speaker 1:09:55
That was a very educational episode. Probably the most educational episode. We Add yet I really really enjoyed having Dr. Kate on. I think we all can take some of that and apply it in our relationships and the bedroom as well. I love you guys I love you for always writing fan questions, even if it's a little embarrassing you guys really put yourself out there this week so thank you so much special thank you to audio engineer DJs Oh
Unknown Speaker 1:10:21
Unknown Speaker 1:10:22
at DJs on Instagram tomorrow kids studio at tomorrow kids official. And at Pinnacle sound OC. You can find us on Instagram at sex and violence with rebel girl and myself at Ashley MMA. I hope you guys enjoyed this week with our special guest. Hope you all have a great weekend. Watch the fights, have fun and remember, be kind be grateful, but don't take shit from anyone. I'll talk to you guys next week with a new guest and more tales of sex and violence.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai