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Ep.73 Kristina Barlaan

Unknown Speaker 0:00
Sex and Violence Hey guys, welcome back to sex and violence rebel girl, where we interviewed top level MMA fighters and other experts in their fields about love, dating, romance, and that way to taboo subject to sex. I'm your host Ashley, rebel girl, Evan Smith. Now let's talk about sex and violence what's happening

Unknown Speaker 0:51
hot stuff? What is up my naughty listeners? We're back episode 73 Or getting close to 100 I'm pretty excited when we should do something special but every episode special so fuck it. It is a morning recording session right now. I don't know what time it is actually Friday for you guys, but we always record a date early. And yeah, we are having that we call it the jammy jam session. Me and DJ Zol are wearing our jammies to get this interview done. got amazing interview for you today. But before we talk to our guests, I'm going to tell you as always what's going on with ma a basically had fuckin I feel like it was the next chapter of my life. Last weekend was a very big baby step. Big baby step was that like oxymoron? I did my first interviewing gig like I told you guys last week, I was an onsite media correspondent for in, which is a platform that connects high level athletes to normal people. And they also have exclusive content on the website. And I am the one who goes out on you know, on site in person and interviews, fighters and officials and all that kind of stuff. And I attended the lights out MMA extreme fighting championships. LSF number six, it was in Burbank, California at the Mariya been there before as a attendee, but not as media pass and all that. And it was it was cool. It was very, very cool. Because I was nervous, obviously, the environment itself is familiar. But you know, I had my little, little crop top blazer on like, Alright, guys, don't look at me, like Ashley, the fighter. I am now professional. And, you know, it was just the same stuff. I saw the I realized that in this decade that I've been a part of Mixed Martial Arts, I've, you know, I've know I've got to meet so many people, fighters, coaches, the staff, you know, the the the commission is coming up to me and and shaking my hand. And so I felt familiar, but was also like a little fish out of water because I feel comfortable with the microphone. But then I know, I have a different perspective about interviewing fighters than maybe your normal reporter or journalist. I know what it's like to be nervous before your fight. Do you want to do an interview? Probably not. I know what it's like to win. And I know what it's like to lose. So sometimes you you win the fight, and he could care less about giving a reporter an interview, you just want to go celebrate fuck eat food, cuz you haven't eat for X amount of days or months or whatever. And then if you lose no fucking way, do you want to sit there and talk to a reporter? So I feel like I have sometimes too many emotions, and too much empathy for these fighters. Cuz I'm like, I don't want to bother this person. But then, you know, on the other hand, I feel like maybe these spiders are a little more understanding. And you know, they look at me like Ashlee Evans-Smith a fighter. So maybe I have a leg up in the sense that I have a little bit more respect than like your normal interviewer. I don't know. But it was a great, great event. Overall, three new champions were crowned specifically really excited about John Paul. Bosnian. He is a well he's not super young now. But I've seen him come up. He was an amateur when I first interviewed him, like in 2019. Now he just won the lightweight belt for Alex F. He will be in the UFC. He's super, like a good good guy. I call him a kid. He's not kidding. He's a good guy. And he's just got, you know, a bright future. So I felt like you know, in my in my element, but also it was different to, I don't know, just be like a media personality as opposed to Ashlee Evans-Smith The fighters so I'll keep you guys updated with that. I've got some new things lined up for maybe December for doing covering some events two different promotions actually. In Las Vegas in December, it's kind of tentative right now, but I'll keep you guys up to date. What else did I do this week? I don't want to forget anything. Oh, and I was so nice. So FRANK TRIGG and his wife, Jill, trig, were there. Frank trig, obviously the OG of MMA. And he also is a stunt man. He's done fighting, but he is still an MMA scene. He's an official. So he judges, and he's a referee. And his wife, Jill, also works for the commission. And so they were there. And I got to sit front row, which I have done before. But you know, if you've ever sat, I don't mean front row, like the first seats. I mean, next to the cage next to the officials like John Anik, and DC, they're always talking about getting blood on them. And that's where I was sitting. And I was sitting there before I had to go do my interview job. And I'm like, God, damn, I love this sport. These people, these two dudes are fighting and they're up against the cage right in front of me and Jill, and me and Jill are just talking like, no big deal. And I'm like, kind of feel like I'm in this fight right now. This guy's like, sweating on me. And, you know, I don't ever want this to stop. I know, you know, I tell you guys all the time, like, I'm coming back and I am going to come back. But when I come back, and I'm like, you know, finish out my career. That's not the end of my MMA journey. Like I can't wait to be, you know, a media personality or commentator or whatever the fuck I'm going to do after my career is done. But I just had one of those, like, really lightbulb moments. I'm like, I love this sport, so fucking much, and I'm never gonna leave it and I I just know that like, 10 years, 20 years down the line. Damn, I'll be an old bitch. But, you know, I'll still be doing it. I'll still be doing something, whether it's this shit, podcasting, or whatever. I don't know. I love my sport, guys. Alright, that's enough of that mushy stuff. Also, it was really weird. The dynamic of being having to dress professional, right? I told you where that little blazer, but I realized, like, Damn, I've really got to either hire someone to help me compile a like professional wardrobe or borrow something from my more professional girlfriends. I don't know. But I want to wear like rompers and spandex. But I don't think that's what I want to look like, like a sexy Lois Lane. And I'm like, always looking for the right outfit. But I went shopping and it was like all these frumpy, like jackets. And so maybe I'll just say fucking, I'll just start wearing whatever I want to wear. And that'll be my little like niche, right? You know, like, oh, there's actually wearing like a leather vest or something weird. And then the injury update. As always, guys, I know, you're probably like, every week, you're like, I'm gonna do this. I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news. What do you want to hear? First of all, what are you on here? First? Bad and with good.

Unknown Speaker 7:52
Okay, so the bad news is that the doctor before they cleared the stem cells, they had me do this thing called an ortho gram. I don't know if you know what that is. Oh, okay. And I didn't know what it was either. arthrogram probably not even saying it right. Basically, it's an MRI, but they stick a stick, stick with a needle and inject dye into whatever joint area you need to, you know, to be seen. So they stuck it in my left shoulder because the doctor suspected I might have an injury in my shoulder as well, since it's taking so fucking long to get back in the cage, post spine surgery artificial disc replacement. And, yeah, it turns out, I have a labrum tear. So it makes a lot of sense. That's the bad news, guys. That makes a lot of sense. Because I had so much pain after the surgery, you know, it's been 1011 months now, almost 11 months. And that's the bad news. But the good news is that you can basically we can say like, okay, and now we know the full spectrum of what's going on. And we can start working on repairing not just my spine situation. But the labrum as well. You know, I was shadowboxing and I had pain. And so, you know, you guys could understand what it's like to try and be positive and be like, I'm gonna get back in the cage any day now. And then, you know, go shadowbox and be like, oh, you know. So now we have to move forward. And the good news is that I know what's what's going on with my body. Finally, like two years later, I've been struggling with this for a long time. Any of you fellow athletes out there can probably relate, you know, it's like sometimes you think you're injured in one area, but the body is very complex and diverse and, you know, shit going on that you don't even know. So, now we know and the good news is that I'm still getting the stem cells and they're gonna, you know, poke around in there and fix me up. So stay tuned on this epic journey of when the fuck will actually get back in the cage. Speaking of the cage, Oh, one last thing, guys. Sorry. I want to keep you in the loop about our episodes next week. We may or we may not have an episode for you guys crossing our fingers and hoping that we do. But I am on standby for a pro sports MVP, kind of like the USO. It's a military tour and I've gone on this will be my fourth one. I've gone all over Europe for 23 days with Sam Alvey and Mark Munoz and gray Maynard. And I've been to Kuwait and Iraq with Diego Sanchez and Dennis Bermudez and Tom Lawler. And now I might be going to Greenland, Honduras and Cuba for 10 days with either ally Quinta, who's fighting this weekend. But actually, if I end up going, it's probably not going to be with him. I'm on standby because owl is fighting so let's all cross our fingers and hope that owl wins his fi and doesn't get injured so that I can stay here and cuddle with my boyfriend because I missed him. Or you know, knock on wood. If something bad does happen to owl or one of the other two people that are going on the trip. I think it's Sam Alvey and gray Maynard then I I fill in and I go and I you know go for 10 days to some different countries. So I'm really excited about that. But the bad news is if I go the soldiers get benefit, but you guys miss out on an episode so just know. I'm doing a good deed guys. Okay, so bear with me. But yeah, speaking of the fights without this weekend, we've got a rematch of one of the greatest UFC title fights of all time. kumara Boozman versus Colby Covington. The Nigerian nightmare versus Kobe chaos Covington headlines the stat card at the iconic Madison Square Garden. These two wrestlers produced a slugfest when they went head to head for the first time at the end of 2019. But it was uzman who came out on top with a stoppage and the final round. Also featured on this huge card is UFC strawweight title fight, rematch actually, between rose Namajunas and Zhang Wei Li, and a much anticipated lightweight clash between two former UFC lightweight title challengers that's so excited for this fight. Justin he versus Michael Chandler, man I that's a fight word like you'd be stupid to bet because like those guys, either one could knock each other out at any time. I wonder what the beddings like for that but also on the card we got Shane Burgos, who I just interviewed for the first time for in What a cool guy like I really really you know, sometimes you just talked to a fighter and you can tell you got the same mindset. Maybe you had some of the same past you know, like upbringing really ruined for Shane Burgos versus Billy quarantine. Oh, that's featherweight bout we got oh the legend Frankie Edgar vs. Ooh, OCS Marlin Cheeto Vera. That's so hard. Frankie Edgar's like the epic underdog legend. But then you got the young you know, I've trained with cheetah before at Timo Yamo and I used to train they're super amazing guys. So I got to go for Cheeto, you know, it's Frankie's a little bit on his way out, but he's still is a legend. Cheetos come in in. It's proven ground for Cheeto. You know, if he beats Frankie, I think it's, you know, some big big things are going to happen for Chico if he if Frankie beats Chico. I think that might knock him down a few rungs and have to do some more work in his way up. But though, it's an exciting main card, the prelims are Alex piara, versus Andrea's Miletus and then we got out I can't, raging now versus Bobby green. Oh, see, it's hard. Bobby greens local and owl. I don't know. I'm not gonna choose on that one. Then we got Edmund Shahbazi and versus nazzer, Dean Emma love and Phil Hawes versus Chris Curtis. And lastly, we got John. John Volante versus Chris Barnett, John Volante. I really like that guy. My one memory of that guy is in 2000. I want to say like 17 or 18, they had a UFC athlete retreat. And if you guys have ever seen the movie Animal House, where John Belushi like, puts the keg on his head, and he's like, oh, like beer. That was John Volante. So every time I see him, I just like chuckle and think about that. And okay, guys, that's the card. Check it out. If you guys want to be a part of our giveaway, it's very easy. We're giving away a signed UFC glove. I'm going to sign it I'll probably get some other people to sign it not sure who yet I keep saying that. But then I forget when I leave the podcast studio, but I promise I'll have some other signatures on there. Buy a t shirt, how do you buy a t shirt, go to sex violence with rebel girl calm, purchase it you're automatically entered. I said you had to screenshot it. But I'm not even going to do that. You guys can screenshot it to make sure you're entered. But at the end of the deadline, I'm just going to go down the list and pick a winner. So if you buy your shirt, you're automatically entered in To the giveaway to win this signed glove, you can email me if you have any questions, guest suggestions. Or if you got lots of money, and you want to make it possible for us to keep the lights on in the studio and bust out some more content, we would love some more sponsors. And that email is sex and violence We do have an amazing sponsor. Let's talk about that. When choosing a supplement company, most would think it's an easy choice, but it's not. It's a matter of pride. You have your goal set to become who you are meant to be a decision, a moment in life when you decide to be more, to be great to use everything you can to be more than who you were. I choose perfect sports as my supplement company. Because perfect sports has been dedicated to providing top pros and athletes with the absolute highest quality nutritional supplements for over 18 years. Since 2003. 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That's at perfect sports TM again, connect with them on social media for all the latest products and giveaways at perfect sports. TM choose perfect sports be great. Today's guest is a second degree black belt under Professor Coyo Tara when she started her jujitsu journey in October 2007. She had no previous experience in martial arts until she started Muay Thai in October 2006. Until that time, she had dedicated a considerable amount of years to the study of dance and performing arts. jujitsu quickly became a passion and tool to help Christina feel empowered and confident with the first tournament in June 2018. She fell in love with competition and has been able to create an impressive resume of wins and titles throughout the years. Her proudest achievement though, was the creation of inspire an open mat event that was made for the intention of building and strengthening women's jujitsu community. She's an advocate for mental health awareness, and she hopes that by living her life with passion and purpose, she can inspire others to do the same. She's got way too many accolades to name them all. So we'll list a few three time world master champion two time Asian champion 2020 Pan Am's master to tie in American National NoGi champion and a buttload more we talk about walking in on your parents navigating long distance relationships animais leading to love coping with society by performing dating a lower jujitsu belt being a male entertainer in last life and much more. Here's your guest Christina bar law she walks away marks into their legs without Sydney's job the same as has nothing

Unknown Speaker 19:27
Okay, we are bright and early with Christina bar. Ilan, thank you so much for joining us. How are you?

Unknown Speaker 19:33
I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. Awesome. Good to be here. I'm like in Florida and you're there to get to be on

Unknown Speaker 19:42
and we actually were eight holes and we kept you waiting so we apologize. I really excited I've had lots of fighters on only a few black belts. So I'm going to jump right in. How did you get started? in jujitsu,

Unknown Speaker 20:01
um, okay, so long story short, or I guess, I don't know, that's that's the direct way. I started off with Muy Thai. Okay, um, I was in a relationship and that can also that relationship is important, but like, I guess some details about this relationship are important. I was in a relationship. We were like, Hey, let's go try out this restaurant at this time. Like, I've always wanted to do martial arts and sales a little kid. I could never do it because my mom's like, girls don't do that. Yeah, I'm like, Okay. And like, clearly, I have physical touch issues because I am. I want to say it was a violent kid. I was a very physical kid. Like if there's any one kid who needs to be put into a contact sport, he was definitely me. And it was never put so was until I was like 20 where I started boy time, like randomly, like, went to fish and chips place which is right next to Cesar Gracie is like HQ like in Pleasant Hill. Okay. And, and they're like, Oh, well, yeah. Like my, my boyfriend was like, Oh, they have Jiu Jitsu. Like, I don't know if that is like, oh, but look, they have more Thai. And, like, at the time, like, I didn't know who anybody was like, I think at the time, Vinny, my delicious actually one of the black belts teaching there. Oh, and so yeah. I'm pretty sure he was teaching the class and he was like, Oh, you have any questions? I'm like, No, I don't know what you guys do over there.

Unknown Speaker 21:21
This is up in Northern

Unknown Speaker 21:22
California, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was in

Unknown Speaker 21:24
California. So I was like, okay, whatever. Um, I had, I went in, I got the little brochure. Fast forward a little bit. I I exaggerated, I didn't completely lie to my mom by exaggerated a story about almost getting to fight at a gas station. And I needed self defense lessons. So that got her scared enough for her to pay for my Muay Thai lessons. Try jiu jitsu for the first time within like, a week or so. And was like, No, I don't like the situation stuff. I don't think it's for me. Like, I don't get it. I don't get it. One year later, a friend of mine, my team, which is like, Hey, I think you should try to get through again with the key on I'll let you borrow kitap and have like, Okay, sure. Why not? Did a class absolutely fell in love with it. I was like, oh my god, I should have been doing this the whole time. I'm had to break up with my boyfriend because he was super toxic. He's like, Yeah, and yeah. And so like, we started we tried together and he was just kind of one of those like, super insecure like, I I honestly believe he's a good person, but like, he just had so much bad shit happened to him that he just projected onto everybody around him. And, and so like, if I started doing well in anything, he'd find a way to kind of pull me down and like discouraged me or convinced me to like not do it. Like he also was probably one of the he's the one of the main reasons why I'm like, out of like, the, the breakdancing scene as well. That breakdancing Yeah, it was a whole wholeness of like, you know what

Unknown Speaker 22:58
your toxic, you know, they say hurt people hurt people, hurt people hurt

Unknown Speaker 23:03
people. And so I was like, I want to do this jujitsu stuff and he was so convinced like, who are you? Who are you cheating on me? Who you having sex with at the gym? Who's the guy and I'm like, I just I just want to do jujitsu. So you just need to you need to go to go. And then here and then that was it. I had to break up with him. I started you jitsu when I was 21. And now we're 14 years into this game and and haven't I haven't stopped?

Unknown Speaker 23:28
Yeah, you're a black belt. You teach as well, right? Yes. Yeah. What gym do you teach at

Unknown Speaker 23:36
this pace? Gracie Jiu Jitsu. So it's like a small town in the panhandle of Florida. So like, it's like, you know, Florida looks like a pad and you know, the handle of the pan which is like the northwestern tip. That's where I'm at. Okay, city is called Pensacola. There's like, like military bases in the area. So that goes with a lot of military family. God. So there's like, yeah, a big need for like, or is a big need. But like people want to learn, you know, martial arts. There's a it's like a big family area here. So like, yeah, all about putting their kids in, like sports and stuff. Like, all right,

Unknown Speaker 24:09
I think need is his perfect description. You know, it less people don't even know that they need martial arts until they get into martial arts. And then they're like, I could have been doing this, like, I should have been doing this. You know, my whole life. That's what I feel. I feel like oh, yeah, you know, just not just the physical aspect, but the discipline and all the lessons that it teaches you along the way doesn't matter if you're a child or a full grown adult. It's so great. So great for anybody, right. So we were speaking about where you train and teach. And I wanted to ask you, I see all your accolades, world champion. So many so much. It seems like you're very active. Do you have a competition coming up?

Unknown Speaker 24:55
Right now actually, like, I'm I'm, I'm at this point where I'm kind of slowing down Actually we're on like, I'm focusing more on teaching. Like, again, like, I'm born and raised in California. That's, that's actually where like everything is there. And I decided to move to Florida for this teaching for this teaching gig. And, and it's, you know, how I'm looking at is like, Man, this is gonna be like a permanent thing, because it's, I don't know, you're in California, you know how it is

Unknown Speaker 25:21
just hard. It's hard. It's so hard on your

Unknown Speaker 25:24
own in California. And it's like, it doesn't matter. Like what part? I mean, I feel like in certain areas, it might be a little easier, like Central California where like, things can be cheaper, but then you're just in the middle of nowhere. But like San Francisco and LA area, like, it's so expensive. And like, and it's super competitive. I had this offer to teach here. And that's like, I've been thriving. And so I might, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make this a permanent move. Like I already had it in my head, like, at the beginning of the year, like, I'm either gonna move to Florida, we're gonna move to Baltimore, where my boyfriend is, it's one of the other because like, priority right now is like, I'm like barely scraping by, you know, I have to hustle. Like, the amount of hustling and you get this, like, the amount of hustling to just pay the bills. And also pursue your passion is like I was like, in my car more than not, and like never, ever sleeping in my own damn bed. Because it's like, I'm always either training, or teaching or competing, or refereeing or somewhere else in the frickin world. Not in my home.

Unknown Speaker 26:27
Yeah, I always say, I work too damn hard to be this fucking poor. And it's just because I live in California. And so trust me, I don't want to give anything away to the listeners yet. But maybe off air, I'll tell you. But thinking about making a move, just some opportunities have come up. But I am one of those California girls born and raised and never lived anywhere else. And I'm originally from Northern California as well. And you know, I love my roots. And then I love Orange County. But at the end of the day, you get to a point in your adult life where it's like, why are you holding on to California? Because it's cool. It's like, yeah, like, do you want to live somewhere very cool. Or would you like to have your own home and car and maybe own land? And, you know, I'm leaning towards doing what you did. And I respect that, because it's hard, especially someone like you and me, it's like, we don't have anything else to compare it to. So you go somewhere with shittier whether or not as much culture and you know, you start comparing it, but I think you're smart. And at the end of the day, you got to do what's best for your mentality, right? If you're in the car all the time, not to be you know, in bed, you're probably just not enjoying life. You're just grinding the whole time.

Unknown Speaker 27:44
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I hit like, severe burnout as just like, Oh, when I landed, I was like, Okay, I kind of have to pull back from this a little bit. And so now, now the focus is like, I want to do majors, you know, like, I got pan, like, if I want to do I just depends a I'm not going to be doing master roles this year, which is like when I really wanted to, but I really wanted to focus on giving my best to this teaching position. Because like, I'm the I'm a co Head Professor at this academy. Um, which is, which is a pretty big deal. You know, usually it's like, oh, yeah, we have most places you go to like, oh, yeah, we have we have a black belt here is female. And she teaches like lives limits classes or kids classes, like no, I am co-head. That means like, when the owner is like out, or if he's teaching in a facility or whatever. It's like, I'm running things, you know, and again, teaching everybody from like the kids all the way up like adults, and doesn't matter if it's like competition classes, self defense, basic fundamentals advanced, like I'm teaching it, you know, so yeah, it's really awesome. Like I can, like, it's a really good community here, where it's like, it's small, but like, so much potential for growth. And again, people people like want to learn people want to, they want to grow and like they don't know as much. And so now like you're introducing, like, all this, like, high level stuff that like I guess for us, it's common in California, but here, not so much yet. So it's nice seeing like this little light bulbs like those like, wow, I didn't realize I could do that. Like, yeah, let it flow through you.

Unknown Speaker 29:13
It's a great feeling, showing something to someone that just fires them up and they get excited about it. You're right, California, Southern California, especially is such a mecca of combat sports and martial arts. It's just like, what can you show someone down here that they haven't already seen? You go out he traveled to somewhere like Florida or the Midwest, and they're like, you know, I'm not even a jitsu girl, but like, you know, crazy he'll hook What? No, they're just Yeah, mind blown.

Unknown Speaker 29:44
Oh, it's great because it's like, man, it's like they're, they're fresh, you know, like they haven't, they're not jaded or like they appreciate everything, which is like the great thing you know, and and I've just been really, really enjoying that. So once I've gotten it in my stride here and like I've gotten, you know, this is the thing too is like, I don't have my training partners like, like I did back home, you know, like, when I'm trading in San Jose with my professor at HQ. It's like then sick a roomful of killers all the time, you know. And so now here, it's like, it's mainly beginners, you know, you have some color belts, but like, again, like, the, the levels of, of knowledge is, you know, is huge, right? I, they're not all the same, you know? And, and so now it's like, okay, they want to learn, they want to train hard. So now we just got to give them the tools. And then it's kind of like, building your students to be like, the best trading partners for yourself. But like, but not in that not in like, a selfish way. But like, I really wanted to do well. And like I really liked when he when he says, Hey, I think I'm curious to compete. I'm like, Oh, do I have some information for you? I love competing. I love competing. And so it's kind of like, I don't want to force it on them. But if they come around, like, Hey, I think I want to compete. I'm like, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 31:01
yeah. Okay. I love that. It sounds like you've made

Unknown Speaker 31:04
a good choice and in the transitions going smooth. You mentioned earlier about burnout in California, and just you know, and I said something like, You got to do some something, you got to do what's right for your mental health. And I do know that you're a mental health advocate. I want to ask you what sparked that, you know, desire to be kind of a beacon. And you know, inspiration. As far as mental health goes, did you have your own struggles or just think that it's very important, you want to shed light on it?

Unknown Speaker 31:34
Um, I definitely have my own struggles. I am clinically diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Sometimes I do get, it's been a while I haven't had a panic attack in a while, which is great. And I say that being publicly that the move, and this new whole setup has probably helped with that. I still get it and like, it'd be pretty crippling sometimes, like, there'll be, there'll be times where I'm like driving, and then all of a sudden, like, I just can't breathe. And just like onset, just I'm crying for no reason. I'm like, Why am I crying? Right? Like, or I'm, or I just shut down, or there's times there's just like, and literally cannot get out of bed. And it's like, oh, you're just being lazy. I'm like, No, you don't understand, like, I work so hard. And then like, you know, like, there's all this pressure or whatever. And again, this is this is like, I think as I've gotten older, yes, I've gotten more tools to work with it. But then there's also been more like added pressure and more like, I Oh, wow, all these people are looking at you. There's so many eyes on you. But I've been dealing with this ever since I was since I was a kid. And and of course like there's like traumatic events I've went through and like unresolved trauma. Well, now, you know, it's resolved now. But like, at the time, you know, you don't realize all this stuff is happening to you, you don't realize how much this stuff is affecting you. And your relationships with people and how and how you view yourself and how your mental health is essentially what's going to equate to like the the treatment that we allow to receive for ourselves. Like, like, we can let people treat us really really shitty. If we don't believe that, like if our mental health is telling us that we're shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I'm, and growing up feeling like I didn't really have any mentors or anybody to help me do that. Like, I love my parents. But like, it's a mental health, like, mental health illness is highly stigmatized in Asian cultures, you know, Filipino culture as well. So like, even when I'm saying like, hey, I need help, you know, was able to get into therapy was able to get medication was able to get treatment. Yes, but it was like, it was like pulling teeth to try to get to that point, you know, like begging my parents, like, I'm sick, I need help. And they're like, No, you're just lazy or no, you just need to think positive. I'm like, Dude, that doesn't help. You know, like, yeah, right. So like dealing with that. And then again, like having that affect relationships and not being able to communicate with your partner is like, hey, you know, and then feeling like you're like this broken person. It gets again, it gets a gate very frustrating. And it's like, well, like there's got to be a better way. Um, I have attempted have attempted suicide. I am one of those verses like 100% believe that jujitsu didn't come into my life I would be dead. Yep. Um, but because and because of jujitsu. I was able to meet more people who are like myself, and being able to find like the right community people like minded. And one of them is like one of my best friends. Her name is Aaron Hurley. She's also also a black belt, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. She's actually today's her four year anniversary I just saw today being a black belt. And she started this this nonprofit called submit the stigma. And she started that because her father had committed suicide. And she also suffers from from mental health issues as well. And when she started, like these seminars and fundraiser fundraising for the like, Nami, which is like mental health organizations like like nonprofits. I was like, Yeah, I'm totally on board. And the more that I talk, and I'm like, just transparent and just vulnerable, like, like sharing vulnerability and just being like, Hey, this is what I go through. It helps a lot of other people also speak up and kind of unburden themselves of that stigma, like, oh, we can't talk about it. Yeah, I'll talk about that. And an awful lot to say to it's also been very, like, validating, very liberating for myself, like, if I don't talk about it, it's almost kind of like the shadow that's kind of hanging over me. But like, the moment you address it, it's like, oh, man, shadows was just like, it's just the what, like, it's just, there's some light, and then there's shadow. But like, that's not who I am. Like, I'm not my sickness. It's just something that it's something I have to navigate through. So it's super important. Like, I mean, like, yes, we're in this Britain is, like martial arts culture, where we have to, like, grind, pursue, you know, like, you know, like, pursue this excellence, and like, you know, no rest days, but like, at the end of time, like, we're human, we're not machines. Yeah, you know, and you have to make room for that too. Like, yeah, you can have like, shit off days, where your anxieties through the roof, and you can barely get through the training, or, you know, depression is so bad that you can't even get out of bed. And like, you know, trying to even brush your teeth, or, you know, change your clothes, or even get a meal in is like, seems like the hardest thing to do. But then, when you talk about it, or like, at least when you're honest with yourself, like, hey, you know, some days are gonna be like this. It's a lot easier. Yeah. And so just, I, I don't want people like, I know how it feels for me. And it was really shitty. And I know that there's other people out there various different forms. And it doesn't even have to be quote, unquote, that bad, like, oh, other people have it worse or whatever. It's not comparative, like what you feel is what you feel. And so again, the more we talked about it, the more that we look at this, like this is the actual illness that we just because we can't see, like the physical effects of it sometimes doesn't mean it's not there.

Unknown Speaker 37:00
And again, just having this platform of being who I am, again, to the important that I be who I needed when I was when I was a kid, yeah, I needed somebody, I didn't have that. So I want to be that now. Because, you know, younger version of myself definitely would have appreciated it, and someone out there might appreciate it, too.

Unknown Speaker 37:18
Yeah. And that's, thank you for sharing that, you know, my platform is this podcast, and a lot of people assume like, oh, a sex podcast, you guys are going to talk about, you know, buttholes. And you know, for, like, well, yes, but we also talk about some legit topics. And, you know, I'm so happy that you're strong enough and just, you know, are wise enough to know that not talking about something does more harm than good. And this podcast, we shine a light on whatever we've went through, that made us who we are, and into the way that we react in relationships, right, because as you had touched on previously, you know, all that stuff growing up the way you fell. Now, it comes out in your, your relationship with your partners, and it's unresolved trauma, a lot of the time, but if you work on resolving the trauma, talk about it, put a spotlight on what you've been through, it becomes less scary. And so thank you so much for sharing that. And, you know, I know you also teach children, right?

Unknown Speaker 38:27
Yes, so yes, so perfect.

Unknown Speaker 38:29
So why not have this role model? You know, I'm like you girl, wrestling didn't come into my life. I don't know where I would be long story short, I stabbed a guy when I was 17. Bla bla bla went to jail. You know, listeners who are who tuned in consistently, they know that about me. But I'm open because, you know, if you don't accept what you've been through, and where you've come, you know, you may be doomed to repeat it. So it's so great to know that there are strong women in the martial arts community unafraid to speak their truth. And so thank you for that. And I do want to talk about how your potentially traditional Filipino upbringing affected your your relationships with partners in the future. You said that they weren't really into the whole therapy and all that they'd eventually came along. What was it like growing up as a young girl, you know, 1314 15 you know, and dating for the first time? Oh?

Unknown Speaker 39:31
One word.

Unknown Speaker 39:35
And here we're gonna say it like, like the whole not talking about something creates more problems than talking about it. Yes. See the same thing how mental illness does not exist. Or like relationship does not exist for our teenage daughter. It's like they didn't even talk to me about sex. You know, the one and only time that they talk about To me about sex was the one time that I walked in on them. Oh, I already I already knew what sex was the sex ed class in school. And it's like, I already knew it was like, No, you don't need to go through this. Oh, it was so embarrassing.

Unknown Speaker 40:15
Oh, no that what age was the?

Unknown Speaker 40:19
Okay, so old enough for me to know damn well what was going on? And for me it for it to stick with me for the rest of my life because I knew like all of it all of it. I swear to God, it was like something out like he can't. Can you think about it? Or like did you can't have this stuff happen? In reality? This is like something out of a TV show. But no, that really happened. I was about like, 12 or 13 years old. So I was in middle school. I'm watching my late night. Toonami. Right, watching my Dragonball Z. And you know, I'm like, Alright, cool. It's late. You know, I'm, I'm going to go to my bed now. And this time, my family lived in an apartment. I shared I shared a room with my brother, my older brother, like in a bunk bed. And then my parents had their main room. Right. And, you know, I usually would always like, you know, use my parents door would be like, open right? And, and I say, Oh, God, I love you, you know, gonna go to bed. Um, and like, we'd never really knocked in the house either. So like, you know, the doors close. I'm about to walk into my room. You know, like, you know what, I'm going to tell my parents Good night and that I love them. And I opened the door and they're naked parents. My mom goes, runs off. She jumps right to like, where the bathroom is my dad's like, blanket over him. I saw everything. I calmly close the door. Open my door, climbed up into my bunk bed, lay down, look the ceiling and be like, Christina, you said you want a little brother's sister. They have to do that. If that's what you want. That has to happen. That's what they do. And I'm like, It's okay. So I'm sitting there, and then I hear that, like the knock on the door. My mom My mom calls me team. D. I'm like Fuck no, no, no, no, no. Like the income here. We need to talk to Mike. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They may so that I come down. They make me sit in between them on their fucking bed wet and like there have their bathrooms on. I don't like oh my god, please just make this quick. I don't I don't need to do this. You don't need to explain anything. I know what it is. And then and then and then the worst possible way. My dad goes like, okay, so what you saw, you know, Daddy asked mommy for a massage and the daddy just got a little excited. Like,

Unknown Speaker 42:57
Oh, no.

Unknown Speaker 43:03
When mommy daddy love each other, sometimes you just get oh, like, and I'm like, stop right there. Stop. It's okay. Yep. I understand. It's okay. We're good. So, just so we understand like, yeah, I can I go now

Unknown Speaker 43:17
traumatizing experiences,

Unknown Speaker 43:20
the like, okay, so like, my room. I eventually fall asleep. I don't remember when I fall asleep. The next day. It's Saturday morning. My mom is making pancakes. She's singing like, making pancakes. She's like flirting with my dad. My brother's just sitting there doesn't know what's going on. He's sitting there eating his pants like pancakes. And I'm eating my pants and like, pancakes tastes tainted.

Unknown Speaker 43:49
My life will never be the same. No. So like,

Unknown Speaker 43:55
if you have that what? Like, no, they never talked about the birds and the bees have ever really talked about like relationship. They're just like, No, you just don't don't have a boyfriend. You stay away from boys. That's it. So they never kept me on anything. Yeah, that shouldn't happen. That should happen to me to say no, I didn't notice that boundaries. I had to hide stuff from them. When bad should happen to me. I thought it was my fault. Like, all of it. Terrible, terrible. Terrible. Do not recommend. Yeah, man.

Unknown Speaker 44:26
You know, and I don't know how you feel about having children of your own one day. It's not my bags, not what I want to do. And I always think yeah, myself, like, I am doing the world a favor because I wasn't given any of those tools either. And I'm like, I made so many fucking mistakes. And I'm like, you know, I don't want to pass that on, you know. And so I'm like listening and I'm like, Yeah, I understand parents do as good as they think in the moment and actually had a conversation with my dad the other day. Halloween is his birthday. So I call them we're not really On the best terms, but like I, I, it was funny that you say this because I remember saying to him in the moment like, Dad, like I know we don't have the best relationship but like, I fully I don't have any any animosity towards you because I know that all parents are just doing the best they can at the time. Sometimes it's not that fucking good.

Unknown Speaker 45:19
And you're like, Wow, you really sucked, but like,

Unknown Speaker 45:22
I have no animosity. And so now I hear you talk about your parents. And I'm like, Ah, least I'm not the only one that was just like, fucking kicked out into the world and like fucking bitchy, you know? Yeah, I made a lot of poor choices, too. Oh, my God,

Unknown Speaker 45:37
I love my parents. And they absolutely did the best they could with what they had. Like, ultimately, they believe that what they were doing was the best thing the right thing. And like, and how are they supposed to know that? It wasn't, that's what they learned from their parents, and their parents and their parents and their parents. Right? It's like this whole, like generational thing that just gets passed on. Right? And like, my mom was, my mom is one of nine kids. Right? And she and it's like, seven brothers. And then only one one younger sister. So yeah, she was like, you know, protected at all times. Like, no, you can't be that. Like, she didn't have a choice of like, you know, like, she almost even didn't get that she almost even married my dad. They were trying to get her to marry somebody else who had more money raised. Yeah, yeah. Tradition. No, you need to marry this person who has more money, why you gonna marry this guy? Or whatever. And it's like, Man, I'm really glad you rebelled a little bit. Because, you know, my mom is pretty like, by the book, you know, and I love my mom, but very strange, because we're two very different people. Right? And, um, and yeah, ultimately, like, the, they were prepared, either they weren't prepared. You know, they, and and, you know, like, ultimately, it's like, I, I was like, I forget, like, there's honestly, there's nothing to forgive, but like, I have let go of like, why'd you do this to me? You messed me up. Yeah. Because ultimately, again, I do believe that they did everything out of love. And I had to go through some stuff and and I'll say I had to, but stuff had happened. This shitty it was terrible. And it could talk to them about it. I couldn't talk to them about it because of like, all the heavy shame, right? Yeah. Like the stigma, the stigma that comes behind also, like sex or relationships, or, you know, talking about boys with a person that feels like all of that. It's just like, that's also like it was. I bet you it was so uncomfortable, then they're just like, I hope she just figures it out. And if you just tell her no, don't think about it, then maybe she won't think about it. Like, that doesn't happen. Right? Yeah, this I you know, find out in worse ways. And like, man, like you could have prepped me, you could have told me like how this works. Instead of saying no. And then I had to find out the hard way. But ultimately, I do want to have kids. I want to have kids. I love kids. I am I scared to have kids? Am I scared of fucking them up? Part of me that's like, I definitely want to be a mom. Like I like kids. You know, I think I can like my own kid more than like other people's kids. I know. Other people's kids are cool, too. You know, because I obviously I teach them and like, a lot of times just like, wow, this might be my life one day where I'm gonna be teaching a young kid and be like, Why are you like this much shit? That's my fault. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 48:23
So you are in a relationship currently, and I know that it's long distance. And I've got you know, we've talked a lot about relationships and love and dating on this podcast, but I don't think we've talked to anybody about long distance relationships. I know how I feel. I couldn't fucking do it. I'm in needy, clingy stage five clinger? I need you here. My boyfriend just went on a week trip. He was the coach of the USA grappling World Team. And he just got back from Serbia. And I swear to God, like, I felt like it was a year. And so I want to know, like, how do you do it? How do you make it work the long distance?

Unknown Speaker 49:04
Oh, well, i i so i can be pretty easy. Like, there are definitely times where I'm just like, oh, I want you here. But like, I've also again, like, I'll say trauma, but like trauma, and like and having bad shit happens like when you just kind of learn how to like I've learned how to like self soothe, like take care of myself. There those days was just like yes, it's like oh, I really wish you're here. But like, and again, this isn't my first long distance relationship I maybe I just haven't learned maybe like like, that's my thing. Long distance relationships. And what we just did the last one. We just close off this distance and that's it. I don't want to do anywhere in the dating stuff. I just want to eat with my boyfriend and that's it. Yeah, I'm getting older. But like I am, I will say I'm fiercely independent, but I'm pretty pretty. I'm pretty independent. Like, I was so used to I got bullied as a kid too. So I've got used to like not getting included into things. So it's like, well, I don't want to just, I don't want to miss out on something just because I'm not doing with a group of people or doing with other people. I'm just going to do it. So like, I just got it got use of that mindset, like, well, if I want to do something, I'm just going to do it. I don't have to wait for somebody else to come along, or I don't have to wait for somebody to do it for me. I'm just gonna do it for myself. Right. And so that really works, at least on my happiness as far as like, yeah, I wouldn't want someone to be with me all the time. Yes. But do I want to be taking care of another person all the time, because I'm a huge caretaker as well. Like, like, My Love Languages. My top my top two are physical touch and acts of service. Oh, you know, are you a cancer? Oh, Leo, I Okay.

Unknown Speaker 50:46
Because cancers are, are supposed to be like the home get of the homemaker and like, very just care, they care for you that the you know, and that's how I am with my boyfriend, my partner as well. And I realized that and I'm like, Yeah, I go out of my way to do little things to make his life easier, which in turn sometimes means less time for your career or your life. Right?

Unknown Speaker 51:12
Yeah, yeah. And so that's how that's why it works like this long distance like, wow, I have my space. I know I have. I know I have the support. Right? Actually, my boyfriend is a cancer. just funny. So it's like, we're both very emotionally packed people.

Unknown Speaker 51:29
Yeah, a lot of emotions.

Unknown Speaker 51:31
Oh, yeah. Very parallel of emotion between two of us. But like, in what works to is like, he's also very independent to like, he's also very used. He has, he has a son. He just turned two years old. And not that little guy. And so like, so we both we don't have a lot of time. I you know, yeah, he works full time at the gym as well. Like, he's the assistant manager pretty much. And like, between teaching classes, and managing the gym and taking care of his son, it's like this long distance works. It sucks that we're apart from each other. Because he's also a big physical touch person too. Right? He's like, words of affirmation. And, and, and the physical touch.

Unknown Speaker 52:14
I love that, you know, both your love language that's so important. I love that.

Unknown Speaker 52:18
Oh, yeah, we talked, I taught I love all this stuff. Like I like all the learning about like, the different types of relationships you can have, like how we attach, like, even learning styles out to like, all the little things like I did, like there's a whole long part of my life, long part of my life, but a few years of my life where I was just focusing on just like self improvement, and learning to let go of past traumas. So I can be a functional adult. Yeah, and healthy loving relationships with like, with, you know, my partners, or even my family members, or my friends just be a better person. Yeah. So then I just, you know, whenever I find, like new information, I can learn, I just get really into it. And so then now my boyfriend, therefore has to learn it too. And he's like, he used to get so annoyed in the beginning. But now he's like, I'm really glad that, like, you stuck through it. And like, if I was really stubborn, you really got to, like, talk to me about it, and get me to listen and communicate. Because now that's our, that's the main part of our relationship is being able to communicate with each other. I'm not a jealous person at all, either. So I'm very trusting. I don't care if you have friends that are girls, I don't care if you're gonna go out and like, Oh, you're gonna go out your friends, guys, girls, or whoever, I don't care. Like, I trust you. Majority of my friends growing up, or guys, so it's kind of like, I don't see a problem. You know, with you having friends that are girls, I have friends that are guys or whatever. Yeah. And we just work together like that. So I just works.

Unknown Speaker 53:50
Yeah, I think that's so important. You mentioned like three or four reasons why it works. You know, you're both in the thick of your career. He's got a child, you know, like, you're an independent person. And, you know, it seems like that, that works out for you. So that's, that's awesome. And I totally understand what you mean, when you say, my boyfriend gets annoyed sometimes, like, the thing about me and my relationship. I've got a sex podcast where I talk about love and dating and relationships, and then I go home, and I'm every week and I'm like, Babe, guess what? And I learned this and this, and he's like, Uh huh. But I know ultimately, you know, some of the knowledge that that I acquire is gonna sink in to him as well. And then it's only going to make our relationship better, right? We can communicate better and express ourselves because sorry, men, but some times you guys don't communicate the best. And so if you listen, DJ, like, that's true. You know, so like, sometimes when you have a partner, you know, maybe it's, you know, or two dudes and and, you know, one partner has more of the feminine energy that's more of like the understanding and the communicative you know, specs like if the you know, the person who's not so good can listen to that person then, you know, I think magic happens. I felt that personally in my two year relationship where it's like, we were a little bit rocky, we worked on it, we communicate better. We've got, like a game plan when we're mad. It's like, alright, we both know, we're both stubborn, you know? And so it's like, we got to cool off first, and then we cool off. It's like, don't don't blame and the little tips and tricks along the way. So yeah, I think you and your boyfriend on the same page.

Unknown Speaker 55:32
Yeah, it takes a lot of work, especially. We've both have come from, you know, toxic relationships previously, right? And so it's like, man, there's so much stuff that you that you picked up that you don't even realize it's toxic, or that people were being toxic to us. And then never, you know, we're like, oh, that's normal. That toxic stuff is normal. Like, no, it's not.

Unknown Speaker 55:55
It's really not, it's not normal.

Unknown Speaker 55:59
I think that we all have these triggers, right? From previous relationships. And especially if they were like long term, it's so hard to be in a toxic relationship for a year, two years, five years, 10 years, and then get into a healthy one. And then you look at this healthy person, like they're the fucked up one. You're like, What is wrong with you? Don't you want to argue don't you? Aren't you jealous? Aren't you know, it's like, and this person's like, super

Unknown Speaker 56:22

Unknown Speaker 56:25
Conversation. He's like, what's wrong with you? Cuz he was telling me about, like, how one of his friends was like, complaining to him about like, oh, you know, I want to go out and like, I want to, you know, she wanted to hang out with my boyfriend. I was like, okay, that's fine. Like, and she has a boyfriend like, yeah, so I told my boyfriend, I was gonna go hang out with you. And he was like, Okay, that's cool. Like, what? I want him to tease out. What do you want to start a fight? Yeah. Yeah, and and so on. My boyfriend's name is Jr. Jr. is just like, like, Man, I can't leave. I used to do that too. You know, why aren't you jealous? If you're not jealous? And he's you don't care about me and like, or just means I trust you? I don't know.

Unknown Speaker 57:10
Yeah, and you know, I'm not I don't pretend to be some kind of like, relationship expert, or psychologist like, I'm not. I'm not fucking qualified guys. Like, don't take advice for me. I just like, listen and tell my own stories of like, fuckery. And then like, hey, things are getting better. But like, and I spotlight people like you who I'm like, this person's probably, like, you know, has better dating tactic tactics than I do. But I have other friends that I've listened to them say similar things where one of my old friends she would say things like, Yeah, I kind of like the fighting, or the turmoil, you know, like, and I would look at her like, you little psycho like, and I don't know what it is that she liked. Exactly. But like I truly like, I don't know if I ever was like that. But now I know. I'm totally not. I know. Like, if I never got into another fucking fight again, or my boyfriend was never jealous, or, you know, just smooth sailing. Like, I'm fucking cool with that. That is the ultimate goal for me. But I do think you're right. There's certain people out there where they're like, they need and they crave that that drama. And you know, I don't want to call them toxic. Maybe they're just damaged and they need to work on themselves. But yeah, there's, there's some interesting people out there. I want to take a quick break to thank our sponsor, perfect sports. These guys are always keeping things fresh and being creative with their flavor options. Their newest flavor of diesel whey protein isolate is no different. Inspired by the fall season, perfect has come out with a limited edition Pumpkin Spice Latte flavored protein. Pumpkin Spice Latte provides a spicy and savory aromatic tastes that can be enjoyed warmed or chilled. Remember, guys, this is a limited edition. So make sure to get your orders in soon, inventory will be going quick. As always, this new limited edition flavor provides you with the same benefits that diesel always does. It's third party tested for banned substances and is the highest quality that protein can be order yours now by heading to perfect And using my code, rebel girl for a 20% discount. Now back to the episode,

Unknown Speaker 59:22
people will do what they're used to. So they aren't necessarily looking for love. They aren't necessarily looking for comfort. They're looking for what's familiar. So if if like traumatic situations and drama, if toxic situations is your is your norm, or if that's what you're used to. You're going to find ways to be comfortable with with that and that's going to be your new normal and not realizing that like he doesn't have to be done that way. There's definitely a healthier way. Yeah, no, because it's scary because it's Oh, it's scary because it's not what you're used to Yeah, you're used to being treated like shit. You're like, well, I need to be treated like shit, right? Yeah, that's because I've always been like, no, no, no.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:09
And there's been certain times where I'll say something to my partner, and he will take it in a negative way. And I'm like, looking at him. Like, why? Why did he automatically think that I was like attacking him or that that was meant in a in a like, malicious way? And I like take a minute. And I'm like, I think that's because he may be used to that. And so like, I just like pause, and I'm like, All right, like, rephrase it, like, clarify, make sure he knows, like, Look, I'm not attacking you, like, I love you. I'm on your side. This is how I feel. And it takes a lot of like, mental wherewithal to do that. And I'm not the best at it, but I'm fucking trying, because I finally found a partner worth it. You know, I think that if I was doing these really healthy habits with some of the, you know, past partners who maybe weren't worthy, it would be a waste of time. But for someone if you find someone that loves you, and is also working, then yeah, like, it's worth it. And I don't think it's a waste of time.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:07
Oh, no, yeah, that's what we're definitely looking for. Is that, are they receptive? You know, are they at least willing to listen? No. And then again, like, because all all the relationships is it's like not, it's like calling out our own bullshit, you know, like, oh, yeah, like, I'm being vicious right now. Like, or I'm being you know, but we again, we kind of have to get past that like that, that boundary of like, being defensive, and be like, Hey, okay, let's step outside of this. Okay, yeah, what's really going on here? Like, what are you saying, What am I saying? What am I actually trying to communicate? Like, what am I saying? And like, what am I trying to say? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:01:43
what is it coming out as well? Because sometimes what we see here in our head, and then like our mannerisms and in our sassiness, or whatever it for me sassiness. You know, it comes off a little bit too strong. And I think you're right. I think accountability, taking accountability for what you're doing wrong is like the biggest issue, at least for me, it's like, okay, stepping outside of the situation. And looking at it from an outsider's point of view is really fucking hard. Or putting putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Right? Like, okay, she's, you know, I'm saying this, like, how would I take it if I was him or her, right? Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's really hard. But I'm getting better sound like You sound very, I can tell you done your work. And I can tell that you have recognized that you have things you need to work on and you've and you've worked, you read up on it, and you've worked on it. And so I feel you're the perfect person for this podcast. That's so great.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:41
work though.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:43
Can I Can I ask you a little bit about your boyfriend? I want to, you know, like, how do you guys me? Is he you know, you said he also teaches so I'm assuming he's also in the jujitsu scene.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:53
Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. So he will definitely dispute this, but he slid into my DMs

Unknown Speaker 1:03:01
lyndie. DMS? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:03
Okay, but so but he was like, No, I didn't. She didn't, she didn't AMA and I was just asking her a question. And so which technically was shoe so like, I didn't like like it AMA on Instagram. And instead of like, going through the actual like, box, ask the question, he directly asked me a question. Oh, and it was something along the lines of like, he like I like so. A, it's like, I know that you like being blackballed. You know, high level competitors can be really busy. Like, what else is a year like, like, I hope you don't like no disrespect or anything like that. But like, you're really attractive. So I'm assuming that your relationship if you like, Are you are you not? And if you are, how do you make relationships work? Or how do you make your relationships work if you're constantly traveling all the time, because at that time, I was literally like, every weekend, like, Okay, this weekend, I'm gonna be in another country this weekend. I'm going to be back home now. This week, I'm going to be another state now, this weekend, I'm going to be at this tournament. Like, it was literally like, every other week, I was traveling, you know, like, how do you make that work? You know,

Unknown Speaker 1:04:07
that was such a legit, like, two part question. Like, good job.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:12
Yeah, it was, so it was like a legit question. So I was like, Okay, I answered it, I answered your question my key if, you know, like, I'm currently I'm single, but like, if I'm going to be with a person, like, one, like, I'm not gonna force it, and this person would have to understand that this is the lifestyle I have. So that will take communication and the right person, you know, come along or like or they're going to understand that and then you work through that together with time apart distance and all that. And so he then he replied to that, and he's like, wow, I didn't expect for you to, to reply to me or anything like that. Like that's, that's super cool. Thank you for taking the time. By the way, I see that you like watching anime. here's the here's an anime that I might recommend to you that I think you might like. I hope you like it. And that's where he got me if you're like with the anime have a copy with the anime. Like okay

Unknown Speaker 1:05:02
DJs all Once you know which one

Unknown Speaker 1:05:06
it was seriously Yeager at that time it was on Netflix recommended that one yeah. Like it was It wasn't on anything yet. And then eventually it came out on Netflix. I was like, hey, I want this is the enemy that that the one guy like he recommended I'm gonna watch it so that I watched it I was like, oh shit, this is really good. So then I messaged him like, hey, you know, thanks for the recommendation or the anime Do you have anything else and he kept sending me stuff. So that's how it started. Just just texting back and forth like on Instagram talking about enemy. And then now he regards for together almost three years. It'll be Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:45
You know, it's sliding into the I'm doing air quotes for the audio podcast listeners sliding into the DMS is is I don't know I feel like there has some kind of like bad stigma to it like ooh, Slaton to her DMs. Like it's creepy, but it's not. It's like we do dating apps online dating is so normal, and Instagram my opinions way better, just because it's like such a inside look into the person. You know, it's like, okay, they're traveling, they're doing this, like you literally can see, like, Is this person a good fit for me like, what they like, what they're about, you know, music they listen to, and you can really fall for someone which sounds kind of creepy. But before you even meet them, you're like, wow, you know, and my boyfriend did the same thing. Sorry, babe. I'm gonna put you on blast. He slid into my I was like four months into my sobriety. I'm like, to two years, four months, something like now. So it's been we've been together for two years. And thank you. And the mindset was like, fuck guys, like, I'm just gonna, you know, just trading and fighting that he just comes along. And he's like, Oh, you're looking really good. Like, I can tell like, or no. He said, like, oh, like, like, you're working hard. Like, you look great. Because I had known him like six years prior. And I was doing Jiu Jitsu, but I was drinking a lot, you know, so it's, like, counterbalance each other out. But then like, I was just like, nonstop, like full steam ahead training. So my body did look really good back then. And I think like, damn, like, I was looking like fire when we started dating. And now I'm like, 10 months spine surgery, and I'm like, Nah, but he likes me all like, anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent now. But, uh, but yeah, he's slid into my DMs. And you know, everyone wants to know, like, how did you guys meet? And I'm like, that's such a normal 2021 story, right? He slid into my DMs or she slid in my DMs. And it's like, I don't It's not bad. I think it's all about how they slide right. And your guy. Yeah. Was did it so like eloquently? Like, I've got this two part question. And here's something I think, like, I like this guy. And

Unknown Speaker 1:07:45
I didn't even I didn't even he wasn't even on my radar. I was like, Oh, he's all the way in Maryland. Like, and at that time, he's a blue belt, you know, the purple belt now. And I was like, I was like, so like, I'm not even. He wasn't even I wasn't even considering like, oh, maybe this is somebody I would be interested in. But we just started talking just as friends. So that's like, the cool thing is like we just started off as just friends just messaging each other back and forth, like talking about anime nerdy stuff. And I was the first person to call him like I was I just got done with comp training. I'm like walking over to Whole Foods to get my lunch. And like, it was kind of hard, like carrying my stuff and texting and walking at the same time. So I was like, you know, I'm going to call him. And so I was the first so he'll always say that's like, okay, okay, so I sent her DMs, but who called him first? And like, it was me.

Unknown Speaker 1:08:35
Yeah, you took the relationship to the next level for sure.

Unknown Speaker 1:08:38
So they call him and he's like, Would you call me I was like, Well, I'm walking. And so it's kind of easier. And he was like, Oh, okay. And then we just start then that became like, the new norm and stuff like texting as much we started like video calling a lot more. And then, and yeah, and then it just kind of slowly developed. And like, it was just Oh, no, like, I felt like I had like a really nice, organic way. And this was a great thing about long distance, too. Is that even though like the intention wasn't to get or start a relationship with him, like when you have that distance, it's like, you really have no choice but to really learn who that person is. Yeah. Because you're communicating, you're texting you're, you're going back and forth. Like, there's no, there's no physical to kind of like, I guess cloud your judgment of what you actually feel for that person. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, yeah. So, so I feel like everything was very, like, genuine very, like, oh, yeah, I'm developing genuine feelings for this person that has nothing to do with sex or has nothing to do with, like physicality or, or, or physical chemistry, just 100% on intellect and, and, and our personality likes or dislikes, our personalities. I like I'm really getting to learn who this person is. So like, it was a while before we even made official, like, really like that and like the entire time that we were talking like people text messages and talking in the phone. We weren't even dating it. Like we weren't, we weren't dating at all until we finally we didn't make official until we actually saw each other in person. You know,

Unknown Speaker 1:10:09
I think that's so good because now that I'm thinking about it, and I have been in that situation before, where you are really texting and calling and, and getting to know someone ahead of time, instead of like a one night hook up, and then you're like, Oh, I'm gonna hook up with that person again, like, really like on the physical side, right? This is more like intellectual getting to know someone building a foundation really, essentially, instead of just sleeping with each other. But I do know, there are lots of people, you know, impatient people, probably, you know, Gen Gen Z people that are like, Ah, I don't want to waste my time, you know, talking to this person. But what if there's not like an in person chemistry in person connection. And, and I agree, like, because, for me, I'm a very sexual person, I've got a sex podcast, if I spent months and months getting to know someone, and then we get together and we hook up, we have sex and the sex is horrible. I don't know what I would do, you know, that way, like, all this stuff?

Unknown Speaker 1:11:11
It's up, it's up. You know, like, there are definitely times just like, okay, like, cool. We have all this, like intellectual chemistry. And then you try, you do the treasure, the physical or like, oh, yeah, that's just not there. That's not. And then like, but the thing is, like, part of me is like, man, but this is a really good person I want to keep in my life. And it's like, you're kind of hoping they're like, man, like everything, hope they're not taking this personally, that like, I just want to be friends with them. Because it's like, there's such a good person, I want them in my life, but I don't want to have sex with you. You know, like, or at least I don't wanna, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to have a sexual relationship with you. I just want to keep it as just like a friend relationship. Because there's, there's nothing there. You know, like, I could I couldn't force that even if I wanted to, like, like, he's like, No, and I'm gonna, like, I'm not gonna lie. Like, there's always a part of me, that's always curious, like, oh, like, is this person going to be good? And did you know, like, you don't know.

Unknown Speaker 1:12:00
I'm gonna, like,

Unknown Speaker 1:12:03
write a certain level and you're like, Okay, how else can we connect? And then you try it? Like, that's not it?

Unknown Speaker 1:12:09
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it that that's why the dating game is so scary, right? Because it's like, you're risking so much. And you're, you're being vulnerable, over and over and over. And some people because of their, like, we talked about past traumas, past experiences, it's very hard for them to be vulnerable. Other people, you know, just keep putting themselves out there left and right. That was me. But sometimes, you know, it works out sometimes it doesn't. And yeah, I'm so happy you are in this healthy long distance relationship. And it's working out. Is it safe to say that you guys are in love?

Unknown Speaker 1:12:49
Oh, yeah. Like, already, like, we've been making plans? Like, okay, like, how are we going to try to closest distance? You know, how are we going to make it work? You know, like, with everything, you know, like, like, we've been working on for like, the past like, year, like how to make it feasible. Just like COVID just kind of, like, put like, a big Yeah, like,

Unknown Speaker 1:13:09
to the dump on everybody's fucking plan.

Unknown Speaker 1:13:11
Right? So like, you know, the year that like, 2020 it was I was like, Okay, I'm supposed to try and make these moves. And now it's happening in 2021. Instead, it's a little bit delayed, but like, we're making it work and like, it got rocky scary, like, how we're gonna make this work, you know, like, I have my son and you have your job, and I have my job and this that. I'm like, okay, like, okay, we're hiring impasse, it's like, either we ended or we really try to see this through and like, we both agree that we want to try to see it through because even though it can be very, very difficult, ultimately feel that the other person is is very much worth it. And we don't want anybody else. Like I don't want anybody else. I I've done the whole dating thing. I've done dating injury to Dundee out of jujitsu. It's like, it's just like, not I found my person. Yeah. And, and, and, and this, this works. This is really what I want. And, and he feels the same way too. That's amazing.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:02
And, you know, I'm such like a mushy mush, but like, I I'm trying to see 2020 in all of its shittiness as like, there's, it's there's a silver lining to it, right? And this is what I've taken out of it. Me and my partner had a fucking rough first year and a half of our relationship because it was like a pandemic relationship we were only dating for I want to say four months before shit went down in March of 2020. And what I take away now is that we've been through the worst of the worst hopefully fucking knock on wood life can always Yeah, but uh, you know, we've been through some hardship and now like, I take comfort in knowing that no matter what fucking happens Him and I are a team we're gonna get through it. We're gonna grind we're gonna build and nothing's gonna stop us because we had to go through Thank you COVID And and all the shit that comes with it, you know? So maybe this is like, you know, just strengthening your relationship and and when you guys do close that gap, it's gonna be like, Alright, we've been through some shit, you know, should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:05
Yeah, that's 100% what we believe like, I mean, we almost broke up during COVID. And that was like a big wake up call for both of us like, yeah, like, like, as far as, like, these are the boundaries that we cannot cross this is the boundaries that we need to respect with each other. And like, and we need to start like, unique, like, we need to be open talking together can't just be one person talking and one person like defying or like being resistant, like got to do together. If it's uncomfortable, you got to help them get comfortable, you know, yeah, I just work together because like, like, I there was really like, one point, I was like, Yeah, I'm done. I'm done, done, done. If this is how it's gonna be, and he's like, Ah, right. And then, and then part of me says, like, man, like, I noticed, like, you tell yourself that you're never going to go back to like, when bad stuff happens, like, like, this red flag happened, or this battery goes across, and he's like, we're not gonna go back. But like, in my head was all like, Okay, I know, I said, I wasn't gonna go back. But like, this time, it's like, this is different. And it really was, it really was different. Because it's like, at that point, we had both done the work. So it's like, okay, and we're agreeing to work together. And, and, and I feel like, it's kind of like, we made an agreement with each other that, like, we're gonna promise to, like, make sure that we uphold these boundaries with each other, respecting and, and, and also enforcing if we, if necessary, and and we're going to talk about if you need to, and and it's, it's been great. Like, we haven't, obviously, we haven't had any issues, obviously, it's not smooth, but like, I think we're doing the best we can with what we have, and ultimately, like it's gonna it's gonna see it's gonna see itself through into fruition. I believe so, I believe so. And so if he believes, I believe the Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:16:37
you are a black belt. And I know you said previously that he was a blue belt when he first started dating and now he's a purple belt. I love that. You. I think you see reverse like a lot of the times right? Where that the male is black, though. And I younger, I mean, lower belt girl female dates the guy so this I'm like, Yeah, Christina getting, but like,

Unknown Speaker 1:17:02
I'm younger than me. He's younger than me. And and so he likes to just say, Yeah, killing an angel killing an angel like Shaheen innocent. Nine years younger.

Unknown Speaker 1:17:17
And he's a lower belt. Like, I love that that dynamic, because, you know, like in silly, traditional gender roles, it's like the man provides and this but it's like, yeah, like you're the black belt. Like, you're the fucking gangster. And then he's like, you know, let's just face it, like, little blue blue, you know,

Unknown Speaker 1:17:33
you know, but like, you know, you don't see

Unknown Speaker 1:17:35
necessarily like that, but like, did that. Okay, my question is, like, does that dynamic of you being like a prestigious Black Belt? Ever? Maybe in this relationship or past situations? Recording situations, right dating? Was it like, oh, I can't talk to her because she's a black belt? Like, did it have some stigma? Was there pros? Was there cons like, I'm not a black? My boyfriend is a black belt, and I aspire to be one one day, but like, it holds so much like prestige. It's cool.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:04
Yeah, like, I feel like they see like, Oh, she's the faculty. She has to do the bus like no, I don't date people for their jujitsu. They RSP

Unknown Speaker 1:18:12
Yes, yes. Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:15
Like, that's like, you know, like, yeah, like, I want to take a person not 30 Did you? Did you just use a plus? Did you just do with a nice little nice little like, tether that kind of have we have common ground but like, you know, like, I did date him because he was, you know, it was like, oh, because your jujitsu is so good. Um, I didn't because I started it was like, because the enemy Yes. Oh, and you like to see movies? I like Oh, and you like the same kind of music that like, Oh, my jokes. You think I'm funny? I think you're funny. Oh, like, like, we just had so many things in common. Or like, I'm a big nerd like, and a lot of times it's like people only see BlackBook Christina. And it's nice being in relationship with a person who doesn't see me as like focusing. They just see me as like this nerdy little goofball who likes Kpop and anime and and like dances before the you know, all the time is ya know, reset completely like and and that's what I need. I don't need someone to stroke my ego as a black belt. Yeah, I need someone. I just need someone to love me for me and then my boss just like a plus. But he did get a lot of is like, oh, you know how like, persecutor. How'd you get a black belt? How that happened? How to do that. I just talked to her like a person. She's a person. She's not a black belt all the time. You know, like I talked to her about anime.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:44
My dirty minds like he's laying it down in the bedroom.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:50
All the guys are like, Oh, we know how you got the black belt girl.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:55
I didn't find out until later.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:57
Speaking to the bedrooms since I mean So the question I asked all the females because we are, you know, alpha alpha females strong women, you're like you said very independent. And so, you know, for me, it doesn't necessarily translate into the bedroom. Like, I love my partner and he's very dominant as well. And that's, that's the place where I'm like, All right, like, I'm gonna put down my walls and be more submissive. Are you a little bit more submissive or more dominant in bed?

Unknown Speaker 1:20:24
I guess it depends on my mood. But I feel like I'm definitely more of the submissive as far as like, I just want to be babied. I want to be like, Yeah, you know, also, like, I work too damn hard. Sometimes. I just want to be there and be like, hey, you need to work. Yeah, work? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:20:43
Oh, yeah. I'm always talking to people, fighters on here. guests that are in fight camp, or they've been in plenty of fight camps. And they're like, sometimes, I'm just so goddamn tired. And you know, it's just like, you know, you sound like you're being lazy. But it's like, if you know what it's like to just train for a competition and be malnourished and stressed out. And, you know, like, I'm actually in my own situation, like, not struggling, but like, trying to navigate this new anxiety that I have since getting sober. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm sober. Oh, fuck, what's, what's anxiety? Like, it is not even like, you know, like, I haven't had a situation where it was random in the car, like you said, but like, you know, I went to Knott's scary farm the other day, it was like nuts to butts in there. And like, I can only take like, three hours of it. And then like, on the third hour, I was just like, I gotta go. And I'm like, What, am I not a social person anymore? And I'm like, Well, I mean, it does make sense. But like, I'm navigating, you know, these new things. And so yeah, that's you and your partner seem really equally matched.

Unknown Speaker 1:21:50
Yeah. And you know, that's the thing, you know, getting like being in social environments, and just be like, oh, man, I'm capped out like, I, I don't I don't drink or anything. Um, maybe every now and then maybe I might smoke some weed, but like, that's like, very, very, very rarely and mainly more for like, if I feel pain, or if I feel like my anxiety is really through the fucking roof then like, maybe I might take a little bit but for the most part, I'm usually just on my own, but I have really bad social anxiety, like people understand, like, people are like, Oh my God, you're so friendly. You're so nice. You're so bubbly. And I'm like, people scare the shit out. Don't know how to people. I don't know people.

Unknown Speaker 1:22:29
You're so you're so deceiving. Because on social media, and, you know, obviously, we're old enough to know, I don't think the younger generation knows this. But we're old enough to know that social media is not reality, you know? And so, but I see your your social media, because you are you guys if you don't follow her. It's at KB jujitsu. She's hilarious. She does these videos. And it's almost like tick tock, right? Like, but not quite, because it's on Instagram. So it's like music and dancing. And you can tell I didn't know you were a B girl before but I'm like, Oh, you're such a good dancer. And you make these funny videos. But it's like, if you take that image of you, you would assume like, oh, this girl thrives in social environments. She's the you know, the light of the room. She's the fuckin you know, like star of the show. And so it's so crazy to hear you say, I can't people I'm like, You look like people will.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:22
I have to put on like a hat. Right? Like, I feel Christina can handle people all day long. Regular Christina not with a black bond without a yawn. No, she wants to stay in bed under the blankets with her enemy and her.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:38
He is like your is like your cape. It's like your superhero. But you're like, Yeah, I'm ready for the day ready for people?

Unknown Speaker 1:23:46
Exactly. Well, here's the thing. I grew up in performing arts since I was five. Right. Another thing about being in the Philippine, the Filipino like household is like you all, you all pick up something by the age of five. i For me, it was dance, and was piano like, so I know how to play several instruments. And I pedantic since I was five. So being a like, in the performing arts from a young age, it's like, okay, I know how to perform no problem, if you tell me that there's a role I need to play. And like so that means like, if I'm in front of people, I just think, Okay, I have to be this person right now. Because that helps me get to being around people and performing. Now you take away that performance aspect. And I'm just like, if you put me like, here, just gonna go to a party. And I'm like, I don't know how to talk to people.

Unknown Speaker 1:24:29
My favorite line is, is from

Unknown Speaker 1:24:34
the Will Ferrell movie. He's like doing interviews. He's like, I don't know what to do with my hands. Like, you know,

Unknown Speaker 1:24:41
it's like, standing around. I'm like, what do we talk about? Now? You know, cuz, you know,

Unknown Speaker 1:24:45
yeah. You're see me like, I'll make a straight Beeline like, does anybody need help? Like, that's the first thing is like, you need help with anything. So if I can give myself a task, or designate myself to a task to be helpful, I'll do that so that I want to talk to people or I can talk to people while helping out in the kitchen, you know, putting up the snacks. Or if I can find an animal, then I'll probably stay with the animal. Or if there happens to be like karaoke or dancing or anything like that's why I feel way more comfortable being put on the spot with someone, hey, play something on the guitar, then hey, have a conversation with this person. Your strangers is so much easier than talking to strangers. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:25:28
you are a true performer you really are. And it's so like, you know, not to stroke your ego, but I'm like, wow, like I'm listening to you. And it's like you're a black belt, you've mastered instruments in dance, like, I can tell that when you find then even the relationship stuff, I can tell that when you find something, you just fucking dive headfirst and you want to master it. And that's, that's such a great quality to have. That's Black Belt shit on every level. So That's fucking awesome. You talked about performing. You talked about performing. I'm trying to transition back into the SEC. So speaking of performing in the bedroom, what's like one of your wildest, craziest sexual places, you know, that you've ever had you ever had, like, you know, public sex or like somewhere crazy.

Unknown Speaker 1:26:17
I feel crazy that ever got like a car. I'm thinking I'm like, I'm like trying to really think like, maybe maybe at a gym one time. But definitely a lot a lot of cars. Okay, or like, like it parks. I'm like, Okay, it's probably here and then like, some security guard comes in, like knock, you know, like, I'm like, it's like, this was not the craziest one. So I was like, there was one time like, and like my boyfriend and I were like, okay, like, it's like, finally get to see each other and spend time with each other. I like everybody was gotten work in a hotel room and we're like, okay, people are gonna come home so we need it. We need to like wrap this up. No, we're fine. Like the door. I was like Oh, no. Have you to pretend that we're asleep and like it's still just going on right? Oh, God. I like you're having to look at the window off the door. Just be like, she's sleeping. No, like, yeah, we'll come back.

Unknown Speaker 1:27:15
Oh, my God. That's hilarious.

Unknown Speaker 1:27:19
Like, not the craziest business like stuff like that does happen. You know, again, it's a long distance thing. You don't have that much time to get it done. You got to do what you gotta do. You gotta get it. Yeah, getting where you fit in. Is there any?

Unknown Speaker 1:27:34
Do you have any sexual? What's the word like for like pet peeves? You know, some people have said, you know, uncommunicative lover or on giving lover stuff like that.

Unknown Speaker 1:27:46
Oh, one. Um, don't call me don't name call me like, out of nowhere. Like if, like, let like don't just be like, oh, yeah, yeah, just like like,

Unknown Speaker 1:27:59
oh, oh, you little slit. You know, like, no, no.

Unknown Speaker 1:28:04
Yeah, no, no. Let me tell you that a little flat first. Yeah, let me tell you. I love that. Okay. Yeah, oh, let's call it um, like bad, like bad hygiene all around, like, you know, cut your nails. Make sure like there's no edges there. If you brush your teeth. Don't be trying to like get me to do stuff for you. If you haven't cleaned down there like just be a clean person. You know,

Unknown Speaker 1:28:38
I just realized as you said that because I'm I'm a wrestler by background so since I was 15, until you know now and so like my whole life. I grew up cutting my nails super fucking short. Right? But I do remember, like, in my younger years when a boy you know, fucking playing the turntables down there, you know what I mean? And like he had

Unknown Speaker 1:28:57
long nails. You had some long nails and then like, you just can't come back for that. It's just like, Nope, no, this

Unknown Speaker 1:29:06
is not happening. And so like, I'm thinking I'm like, Oh, it's so good that like I have that. You know, just cut my nails all the time. And then you probably cut your nails all the time as well. And I'm talking like yeah, you know, Jujitsu guys wrestlers. They probably have cut nails all the time, but then it's like you get a Normie you know, they've got long nails that's like hey, you're not fucking hit in second base, buddy. Like you're gonna stay at first base.

Unknown Speaker 1:29:28
Yeah, like don't surprise me with stuff that you want to do like you know like get a prep me like there are certain things that require prep to do you can't just surprise and like go into it like yeah, no, there has to be a little like game game. Game Plan. A game plan before you know you want these to be a Smar T is but like that No, no, no. Yeah, that's how you get hurt. You compete

Unknown Speaker 1:29:54
a lot. Not so much right now but in the past have Are you a new Oh sex before competition type of girl.

Unknown Speaker 1:30:02
I like sex before competition. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, both my boyfriend and I are definitely on the on the line of like sex before competition always it's great yes

Unknown Speaker 1:30:11
yeah why not relax you? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:30:15
I always good endorphins like you don't want to have all that stress in your body no like let that out like you're still gonna have a little bit of tension in there you're not gonna be completely like you know like limp or loose or whatever like but like that's like a good like was it I think was like Ronda Rousey was saying that like you get even like a little bit that testosterone or like the hormones really good you like go in for a fight or ever like I feel really good

Unknown Speaker 1:30:38
like jujitsu you know it's quote unquote the gentle art so it's like even more in my in my way of thinking. It's like all right, like, be loose be flow be like water, right as opposed to like, yeah, maybe even fighting or like wrestlers where they're just so aggro, right? And it's just like, jujitsu is probably the perfect presets. Sport. Yeah. I feel like it's time for lightning sex round How are you feeling good?

Unknown Speaker 1:31:12
Let's do it.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:13
Okay. Lightning sex round with Christina Basilan? Here we go. Do you dirty talking bed? Yes. Do you spank or like to be spanked?

Unknown Speaker 1:31:24
Yes. bidi Yes, choking? Yes. threesomes do come

Unknown Speaker 1:31:31
on. Nah, we're gonna say no, now.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:40
Okay. Okay. Do you want to work? Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:45
Any foot fetish? No.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:49
Bottle bodily fluid fetish. Know,

Unknown Speaker 1:31:52
anything. Any kind of bondage like ropes. Blindfold handcuffs? Yes. Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:59
Role playing.

Unknown Speaker 1:32:03
I don't know. You said you're a performer. So I'm like, maybe not.

Unknown Speaker 1:32:07
I don't know. Maybe. I guess they know. I just I feel like I just talked about I was like, no,

Unknown Speaker 1:32:15
no, no. But stuff on you or a partner? Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:32:21
Do you use sex toys? Yes. Have you ever been to a sex club or a swingers party? You and are you a lingerie lover?

Unknown Speaker 1:32:33
Oh, what a what?

Unknown Speaker 1:32:34
Lingerie like sexy clothes. Oh, yes. All right. All right. Congratulations. You've made it through the lightning sex rod. Yeah, yeah. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 1:32:43
we're gonna end this awesome episode with a game of Fuck, Marry kill and some fan questions. Okay marry one kill one go. I think we're done. We're done. We're done here. Yes, yes. Okay, thank you so much for going a little bit over. I will make this fast. So for your Fuck, Marry, Kill since you are an awesome dancer. I'm giving you some of the best dancers around. You get to choose who you want to fuck. Who you want to marry who you want to kill out of a Sure. Prince and Bruno Mars.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:22
Damn it. Oh, she's like

Unknown Speaker 1:33:25
DJs Oh, likes that one.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:27
Okay, I'm definitely marrying Bruno Mars right off the bat.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:32
That song about getting married? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:35
Yeah. Like he's like wow, oh man. It's like it's funny because it's like you just named like to like you have like your generational like, this is another thing to talk about after this. I said, okay, so Barry Bruno Mars, fuck Asher. And I don't want to say I want to kill prince but Prince is already dead. So well. There you

Unknown Speaker 1:33:51
go. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:55
I don't want to kill us you're gonna kill Bruno.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:59
That was great. Good job. Okay, I get the joke. I

Unknown Speaker 1:34:04
was gonna say what that sorry. Real quick is in another lifetime. I believe that I was a male entertainer somewhere in another lifetime. So I have a very deep spiritual connection to the song pony by genuine which came out on my 10th birthday. And two of the idols that have like I have like different eras. Yeah, Usher was definitely one of like, my idols, like, as a kid. I was like, it wasn't like I wanted to be with him. It was just like, I want to be him. Yeah. Nothing.

Unknown Speaker 1:34:34
At all, like, it's so cool that like you could have like different genders like, you know, want to be, you know what I mean? Because it's like, ah, like even you and I like think about it. You do jujitsu and I do MMA and wrestling. It's like those are traditionally male dominated sports, right? Or even maybe dance. No, not so dancing. You know, because there's can be very feminine, but maybe breakdancing is more of a male dominated sport. I don't know.

Unknown Speaker 1:34:57
Yeah, it is. It really is but like So I do the fight to win and my walkouts, levels ponytails. i Oh, yes, yeah. Oh, that's big energy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that song comes out and I said, I'm a male stripper that is I have a studio man. I'll see you, girl. I'm here. The song is on. Please

Unknown Speaker 1:35:17
send me the video after this podcast. Okay, I need to see that. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Okay, so here's a couple fan questions for you cross

Unknown Speaker 1:35:33
at Shaq attack dot lead, West Coast, East Coast or dirty south pros and cons, or both.

Unknown Speaker 1:35:42
Is this about where I live?

Unknown Speaker 1:35:44
No idea. I thought maybe it was like a bee girl question or like, oh, maybe because you've lived over, you know, here and now you're over there.

Unknown Speaker 1:35:51
Oh, yeah. Okay, well, I mean, West Coast is still the best coast. But you know what, the South is treating me very nicely. There's definitely some things they get adjusted to us as far as like, I'm not like it's not as culturally diverse as California. But I am so close to the beach. And I love the beach. And I love Sun sun exposure. So that is like a huge, huge, huge, huge plus. If cost is great, because my boyfriend is there, but it's cold. And yeah, and people and people think I look exotic there. So that's kind of weird.

Unknown Speaker 1:36:26
You're like that.

Unknown Speaker 1:36:29
Like, wow, what are you like, Why do you speak English? So well? Like, why do you speak English? So well? Wow. Okay, I am American. Like you're so you're a brown but your eyes are slanted. What

Unknown Speaker 1:36:41
are you? Oh, geez.

Unknown Speaker 1:36:45
Okay, are you a mix? So?

Unknown Speaker 1:36:48
This actually is a two part question. Second part is, she used to be a bee girl. When was the last time she battled someone?

Unknown Speaker 1:36:56
Oh my god. Oh, had definitely been over a decade ago. I think I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the last time I battled anybody was in Arizona. I was living in Arizona for like four and a half years. And like for a little bit, I was like, trying to like have my own little like, something outside of jujitsu. And I'm pretty sure that was the last time I got into an actual bigger battle. Or like a, it was just random to I just went to like a random random jam. And like, Hey, who wants to do like a three on three or 212 or whatever? Like, hey, this was like, Hey, you want to enter me? I need somebody I'm like, Okay, sure. Why not? And, and we did it. But I still dance whenever I can. Yeah, yeah, all the time.

Unknown Speaker 1:37:34
I was just gonna say like, it seems like you dance like on the regular like, you just like, I literally saw your Instagram. I don't know you and I was just like, I want to interview this girl because I like her personality from social media. Obviously, it's, you know, you we pick and choose what we post but I love your energy. You're always dancing. You're always positive and the videos that you make, most of them are jujitsu related, but then it's not always jujitsu related. And you know, I don't know if you've done some with like mental health awareness as well.

Unknown Speaker 1:38:06
I have some posts before like brown right now. It's just been more of the jujitsu stuff and then like the anti stuff and nerdy stuff, but it's all gonna make its way into there. By little finding my groove.

Unknown Speaker 1:38:18
So okay, at Mark Jones 55 00 What's your strong need in bed? Good question. Strong

Unknown Speaker 1:38:26
need and bed. I need to be cuddled, I need to be cuddled and loved and like and just like, I like I like hit like, I like my little like head rubs. Like I love having my hair played with, like, my hair is like super long. I haven't cut my hair since 2016. So like, I am like a big softy. Like baby and I just want to be like, I just need to always just be like, Oh, no, like it gets physically affirmed. Like, like, you know, oh, like I just, I don't know, I'll say like, like worship is a very strong word, but I just like when I just get caressed and be like, Wow, you this and then, like, my boyfriend, like, like, it's called Kadena and in Portuguese Brazilian, so like, Kadena was like caressing like so. And Cafe is like the actual act of like playing with someone's hair. So like, that's usually what I'm always requesting. I'm like, where I'm like, can you like, I just want that in your own cafe and I'm like, then like, then you kissed me. And then you make love, but then like, then it like gets like really aggressive but then like, can you just like love me?

Unknown Speaker 1:39:26
Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm a big sucker for head rubs too. Yeah, I'm a big baby.

Unknown Speaker 1:39:31
At Metz, me ztt do you need to be subbed to sub for your man? Not quite sure what the fuck that means, but I understand I need to. But I mean, I don't know if this guy's talking about like some missions in jujitsu or like being submissive to your man. Do you need to be subbed to sub for oh, like maybe does he need to physically?

Unknown Speaker 1:39:55
No. He does not need. He does not need to turn his dominance. They're like, No.

Unknown Speaker 1:40:02
Yeah. Yeah, it's not a fucking struggle in the bedroom guys. It's not like a battle.

Unknown Speaker 1:40:10
Yeah, like, you need to prove your worth to me in order to get this, you know, be a good person, be a good person and show that you're receptive to actually, you know, seeing to my needs. And and you know, and then be you know, we give or take. I hear your needs stood in the 90s. But that has nothing to do with if you can beat me up. What the heck?

Unknown Speaker 1:40:30
Yeah, guys, you're mixing and mixing the world. Okay. Yeah, y'all are weird. At dan de outdoors. Any advice to someone who's going to be an instructor for the first time?

Unknown Speaker 1:40:42
Oh, okay. Well, we have to consider who your students are going to be. If it's going to be kids, if it's going to be beginners, if it's going to be women. Yeah, it was just think about who your students are. And then think about how you can make it the most fun and memorable for them. Oh, yeah, a lot of times, like, yes, you want to show them good technique, but you want to make sure that they're enjoying the process of learning more than anything, make them feel like Oh, my God, I accomplished something. So every single day, they should be enjoying themselves every single day, they should be walking away feeling that they have one piece, one nugget of information that they can walk away with and use right away. And you should also making sure that they feel decently challenged. So it's like a nice little, little thing, like give them something that they can chew on, give something that they can digest right away, and then give them something that they'll feel satisfied overall, at the end of the day, like they will keep coming back. At the end day for as long as they are feeling fulfilled and feeling happy and accomplished, you're going to keep coming back. And you're going to keep growing as an instructor. Because again, you're just trying to make them better. And give them the tools sometimes they have to do it themselves too. So just present it to them. And then just be supportive and encouraging. And big reminder not that they shouldn't be in a rush to, to learn everything right away or to be anything right away even as an instructor to you don't have to know everything right away. Always in constant growth. Growth Mindset, always constantly. If you don't have the answers, you're going to be able to learn the answers eventually, so it'll be fine. Amazing.

Unknown Speaker 1:42:16
Amazing advice, girl. Thank you. Yeah, so Mr. De dandy outdoors you got Yeah, that's some fucking blackbelt advice right there on instructing and you're so right you know, teaching others makes you better you know, you never learn everything continued to be a student in the sport forever. If you meet someone who says they know everything. Get away from that person. Yeah. Last question for you. Who would you like to hear next on sex and violence of rebel girl?

Unknown Speaker 1:42:44
You know, I've mentioned her earlier and I think she'd be a really good fit for this. Um, my when my best friends Erin Hurley she's a she's a black belt. She has submit the stigma as as her mental health NPO and she has some awesome stories. Open Book. She is so funny. I I feel like she's super talented too. Like she can pit trumpet and she can sing and she's just she's one of my favorite human beings. So Aaron Hurley Girl Okay, get on this. You should yeah, you should definitely hit up hit her up.

Unknown Speaker 1:43:22
Alright, actually, I do know Aaron I trained with her at blackhouse before for a short time Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. And I did see a little bit about her nonprofit stuff I'm not too familiar with it but from what you make it sound like it seems like she's sticking with that and that it's thriving and I love that and especially now that I'm you know in my own you know mental health journey I'm really just trying to give it back and and shine a positive light on the fact that like hey, we're all fucked up a little bit guys. Let's just embrace it and get better you know? Definitely. And then where can we find you on all social media handles? We want to see your funny videos. I already mentioned her Instagram it's at KB jujitsu follow her guys she's fucking funny and she may not people well but she really Instagrams Well,

Unknown Speaker 1:44:10
yeah, I can social I can socialize on social media. Well, Christina, you just just give me a job. Give me a role to play. I'll feel it.

Unknown Speaker 1:44:21
I love besides Instagram where can we find you? Do you do Twitter or Facebook? Anything like that?

Unknown Speaker 1:44:26
I am on Facebook. You can just find me out as Christina paralon but mainly I'm most active on Instagram that's that's the number one one way to find me or if you like watching if you like playing video games I am and on Pokemon Go and put them on unite. I am a nerd. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:44:42
What is your name? What's your name? Oh,

Unknown Speaker 1:44:44
I think our Pokemon girl I'm kBz three. Okay, and I'm fucking money and I'm kBz free.

Unknown Speaker 1:44:51

Unknown Speaker 1:44:51
You know, be like, video games. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:44:54
yeah, we have lots of people that do twitch or you know, like, I just there's so many fucking apps on Like you'd get like, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, like Yeah, no, so

Unknown Speaker 1:45:05
simple and just follow me on Instagram and then all will be revealed there.

Unknown Speaker 1:45:08
Okay, thank you so much for giving us this, you know, large chunk of time I really appreciate it. This has been so enlightening. I'm very impressed with everything you've achieved and the way you go about just everything. You're like a fucking scientist with jujitsu and your relationships and, and mental health and I think you are a great role model for the people that you're teaching as well as the people that follow you on the the social medias so thank you again, girl and hope to talk to you soon.

Unknown Speaker 1:45:36
Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah

Unknown Speaker 1:45:54
without a promise all right, boom, Episode 33. So, Ah, shit. 73 I'll keep that in. There's fuckin episode 73 in the books. I really enjoyed that conversation, guys. Like, I can just tell that, you know, she talked about being for a few years on like a self improvement journey. But I think that has stuck with her. She's just continuing to always get better in whatever it is dance, mental health, you know, her relationships, Jujitsu. And I think we can all learn a lot, I think. Yeah, there's just so many little tidbits of great information she gave us I loved that episode. I know. DJs Oh, actually, we got off the phone with her. And he was like, one of my favorite guests. And I'm like, Yes, me too. And we're gonna take her advice. Maybe we'll have another mental health advocate on the podcast, another black belt. We always try and mix it up for you guys. I don't know if you've noticed. But I do the book in and I'm trying to make, you know, a diverse selection. Sometimes you're gonna hear from fighters and combat sports athletes. And then boom, you get a comedian, you get a musician and then I want to give you guys information. I want to help you guys as well. So then we bring on a sex expert or, you know, whatever, whatever else you guys need. And so that's what I mean when I tell you like, write write me an email, you can give me criticism constructive, I, I really want to get better. I don't want this to be a podcast that no one fucking tunes into because I don't want to waste my time. And I do think that we can learn something from these people that are just the best at what they fucking do. This girl is a black belt in all areas of her life. And so let's let's learn some shit from her. Let's learn some stuff from from everybody. And if you have any other guest suggestions or any of that, like always, you can email me and that's at sex and violent sex and violence. Oh God, what is the fucking email sorry, sex and violence with rebel girl at jitna Anyway, don't forget to check out the website WW sex violence Pick up a shirt be entered into the giveaway. I'm having a brain fart on our email, but it will be in the show notes. And yeah, I just want to say I always appreciate you guys tuning in every week. I really love you guys. This this is starting to be one of the best parts of my week if it already isn't. Thank you to DJ Zol he got up but the buck crack of dawn and sat in traffic to bring us this week's episode. Thank you so much so you can catch him at DJ Zol to American studio at tomorrow kids official Oh, DJ is all actually came out with some new music and so if you guys are into some of those, you know he can check him out. And tomorrow Good studio and at Pinnacle sound OC. You can always find us on Instagram at sex and violence with rebel girl and myself at Ashley MMA. I hope you guys enjoy this week's show. I hope you tune in next week. If there's a show. You know, obviously I said earlier, I might not be here so we won't have a show that we'll get things up and going ASAP. I love you guys. Remember. Be kind, be grateful. But don't take shit from anyone. Talk to you guys next week. Maybe With cartels of sex and Violence

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