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Episode 40: Heidi Shepard Of Butcher Babies

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and violence.

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Hey guys,

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welcome back to sex and violence with rebel girl where we interviewed top level MMA fighters and other experts in their field about love, dating, romance, and that all too taboo subject sex.

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I'm your host,

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Rebel girl,

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Evan Smith. Now let's talk about sex and violence.

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What's happening the hot stuff?

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What's up my

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naughty listeners? I hope you guys had a lovely and pleasurable v day. obeah lots of sexy time with your partners, or sexy time with yourself.

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You know, whatever floats your boat.

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I personally got my boyfriend a coffee mug that says I love you for your personality. But that dick is a huge bonus. He loved it. That's uh, that's about the romance level that I'm capable of. But uh, for all you other lovers out there, hope you guys did all your your dinners and your fine wine and whatnot, even though it's COVID time. Or if you didn't get laid or spend the day loving yourself. Maybe you made some money on the UFC fights or the Super Bowl? No, no money. Okay, well, if you didn't win any money, neither did I. So we're in the same boat. And you have another chance this weekend. There's another UFC in Las Vegas. It is UFC 19. And my teammates Uriah Villanueva is fighting in the same night for top rank boxing at the MGM. I'm very, very, very excited for this kid. I've trained with him. We have the same boxing gym, raw talent boxing, shout out. chuy Gutierrez, that's my boxing coach, team monkey. And your yell is fighting. He's only one in Oh, right now as a pro, are we as he made these two? No, but you know, super green, as a as a professional, but I really think he's gonna make his mark. So check him out. And if you're gonna bet on the fights, you might as well use my it is the best in online gaming. It's why you should just place your bets for everything for MMA and for football and for your yells fight. If you use code rebel girl, you get a 50% bonus match on your first deposit. What does that mean? So if you deposit $100, they're gonna give you half of what you deposit. So you get $150 to play with. Make sense? Okay, we're on the same page. So if you want to try that this weekend, use code rebel girl for my and the whole card. The UFC card is really exciting. But I don't know, I don't know how I'm gonna bet on because there's a lot of I believe I'm using this term, right? Even money. So you know, there's not like a really big favorite, or there's not, you know, a really big underdog. So it's kind of hard. It's anyone's fight kind of situation. The main card for the main event is Curtis blades versus Derrick Lewis. Now, this is exciting to me because I fought November 29 of this last year. And that was supposed to be the headliner on my card, except for I think, I think was Curtis blades, but don't quote me. One of them got COVID they got the vid and the bat was scrapped. So what happened was, I actually got to fight on the main card. I was previously going to be on the prelims and then I got bumped up to the main card. So sad for Curtis. Happy for Ashley. And the rest of the car looks pretty cool, too. We got Caitlyn Vieira who I fought before. Tough ass Brazilian chick. Very sweet though. Finding Yana akuna kaya. I've probably butchered her name. Sorry, Yana. She's the girlfriend of Tiago Santos, the llama? Retta I believe that's his nickname, The hammer. And yeah, that's gonna be a really good fight. I'm excited. That's probably the fight I'm most excited to watch just because it's my weight class. I thought one of them. And I watched the weight class closely, obviously. Then we got Derek miner versus Charles Rosa. I was gonna pick Rosa but the boyfriend says that he used to train with minors. So he's got he's gonna put money on him. We got a couple others that are worth mentioning. We got Chris Dukakis versus a leschi olynyk. And if you know a leschi record, you want to go oh, this guy's gonna win. He's 59 and 14. Like, will I ever get that many lights in my whole career Probably

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not, you know,

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not this rate but but you know, don't count out his opponent. He's got a 10 and three record but all knockouts. So that's what I'm talking about even money like that's when you probably don't want to risk right? And then right after that we got our Lawsky or under alaskey versus Tom Aspinall. Okay, if you know our lossky you know he's an OG if you don't know who he is, then why you listen to this podcast? No, he is just an od of the sport and so my first you know thought is Oh, pick our Lawsky but then you look at who's fighting Tom Aspinall. similar situation as the last fight. He's nine and two, but all tacos and knockouts. And so you're like, Alright, do I go with this? Oh, gee, with all the experience? Or do I go with this just young hungry? You know, actually, I don't even know if he's young. But just this, you know, powerful knockout artists. So definitely not going to bet on that fight either. You know, to be honest, the boyfriend is way better at placing bets. So I'm going to kind of pick his brain. We'll play some bets. And then I'll let you guys know how much I won. or lost. We could either celebrate together or wallow together. But um, yeah, I mean, that's about it. And there's not really a lot going on with me. If you guys tuned in last week, same same. I'm still doing my rehab, told you I got some new titties. They're still there. And just kind of bored. You know, I'm used to training my ass off all the time, two to three sessions a day. And so I have all this free time. The good news is I'm putting a lot into the podcast. Our Instagram is killing it. I think we're like over 11,000 followers. I personally run it. So all the perversion is yes. From me, actually. And yeah, I talked to you guys back. So if you guys have any questions or anything, you know, if I'm busy, you know, I might say, hey, but if you want your questions answered, like, promptly, we have this new thing with Patreon. And if you want to support us, you can just pay $5 you get a few benefits, you get the live version of the podcast or the video version, sorry, and you get a shout out.

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let's do that right now. Let me scroll to who our Patreon is. So our first Patreon, thank you so much to Mason row, you are an amazing son of a bitch. Thank you so much for getting the ball rolling. You are a first supporter on Patreon app and hope all you guys follow, he gave us five bucks. And so we're gonna be sending him the video version. And, you know, we're going to talk about we're gonna give shoutouts to whoever wants to be a $5 $5 tier Patreon. And then up, you know, from there, we got the $10 and the $20 and $50. And with each tier, you get more and more goodies. So things like Ask me anything or free merch giveaway. Zoom calls from me, stuff like that. So if you guys are interested, the show I will include the notes to the URL. Sorry, I'll include the link to the Patreon in the show notes. Yeah. What else is going on with me? That's about Oh, you know what, one thing I did want to mention. And it's just kind of a random thought that I have, but I wanted to bring it up is in conjunction with the pandemic, you know, so my sobriety as well as the the pandemic, and all my free time. And because of this, I guess, injury and the boobies. I have I have the ability to be a better friend. You know, I'm not saying I wasn't the best friend before but you know, you have that one friend that you can call if you're in a jam, you know, think you know, fucking you're drunk and you know, you need a ride home or you locked your keys in your car or something like that, right? I was never that friend I was. You know, when you thought of me you're like, oh, Ashley, so fun. She's, I want to have drinks with her. I want to go out I want to party but I just wasn't the friend that you called when you needed someone to be there. But now being sober and you know, having more free time and just kind of you know, because of all this stuff going on in the world. It feels good. This past week, I was able to pick my friend up who needed a ride. Cut wait with Uriel, the guy I talked about earlier, my teammate and a few other things and it just feels so good to know that I'm doing my part as a friend Finally, I'm not just selfish anymore. I'm sure I'm still selfish. But uh, but yeah, so sometimes I get mushy with you guys and my wish for today. Today's episode is no matter what you're going through, whether it's hard times, good times, whatever. Try to be a little bit more accountable for your friends. So, you know if you haven't heard from somebody in a while, send a text message or an Instagram message or something like that. Just reach out It will do more good than you even know to be honest. So, Alright, that's enough machinists for me. And, you know, always we, we want you to rate and review the podcast and that helps us kind of get in the top 200 that means more, more eyes, more listeners more support. And we'll give you a free sticker if you want. And before we talk to our guest, here is a message from our sponsor. This podcast is brought to you by ella The adult toy store that strives to inspire and empower women, men and couples of all experience levels and interests. inspiration that can lead to a more fulfilling life through discovery and expression of intimacy and pleasure. Visit Ella para and use code rebel girl at checkout to save 15%

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ra di and use code rebel girl to save money on your next intimate purchase. Today's guest is a musician, former radio DJ actress and former professional athlete from Provo, Utah. She's best known as the vocalist in the heavy metal band butcher babies and began her career in the entertainment industry as a child, starring in several television commercials. Eventually, she started the horror film animals. several television shows including My Name Is Earl monsters and national commercials including Heineken. Her morning radio career relocated her to Los Angeles, California, where she began a short stint at playboy radio before she decided to devote her entire focus into her music with fellow band members of butcher babies. We talked about bandmate love losing her shit and a fan. Fuck marry kill metal addition, trying to grope Green Day, Mormon to metal head, the story behind her missing belly button, and so much more. Here's your guest, Heidi Shepard.

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All right.

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And we are here with Heidi of butcher babies. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Heidi.

Unknown Speaker 13:17
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for having me. So excited to hang out with you today. Yeah,

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I don't even know where to start, I guess. Let's tell the fans that we have a mutual friend. His name is Dan Kenny. He's the basis of Suicide Silence. And he recommended you to be on the show actually.

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Oh my goodness. One of my favorite bands that one of my favorite dudes Of course. Yeah, he's been a good he's been a good homie for a while now. I've many fond. How do I say? Kind of memories that are kind of a little bit loose.

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A little blurry from

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jewelry, I guess you can say

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from festivity. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Damn. As the best He's a good friend. And he's an even better party, buddy. He's just my first time ever hanging out with Dan actually, was his 31st birthday or 30 seconds, something like that. And we made a bet on the UFC fights and whoever last had to jump off the roof into the pool naked. And I won. Thank God and he did it. He jumped off

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the roof into the pool naked.

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So that gives you listeners an idea of what kind of guy Dan Kennedy is fun and yeah, a man of his word.

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Yes, of course. Of course. We wouldn't be friends with anything but

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yeah, of course. So you're that you know you are a singer in a heavy metal band called butcher babies. But upon my research, I didn't realize that you were just multitalented. You're an actress, a former professional athlete. You We're a radio DJ host at one point, correct? Yeah,

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yep. Yeah. So for a long time,

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so I just, I just want to know, let's start from the beginning. You know, like it all started way back just, I want to know, you know, where are you from? How'd you grow up? And how did you get into music and all these kind of other things.

Unknown Speaker 15:18
So I grew up in Provo, Utah, and I kind of was subjected to what my parents allowed me to listen to listen to at the time. And it was all you know, what they listen to whatever the radio had on. And then, as the years went on, I became Of course, rebellious, oldest of six kids, Mormon kid, it just happens that way. And, um, you know, I would I knock out of my parents house, and I would go to the skate park, and everyone at this skate park, they all loved metal, and started listening to like horn, Slipknot, those kind of bands. It was the new metal era around that time. And it was something that really fascinated me, it was something that really spoke to how I felt inside. And so as time went on, it became something that was very important to me. I remember actually borrowed a corn CD from a parent, or sorry, from my friends. And my mom found it in my closet and broken from my face and said, You'll never live in the business half. My mom's my mom's now a porn fan. Of course. At the time, you know, they didn't understand what heavy metal meant, you know, my society that I grew up in, didn't approve of anything. That was kind of a little bit of free speech, I guess you can say. And I rebelled super hard against it. And I found my own voice. And I got married at a very young age. I got married when I was 19. I was barely 20 years old. Yeah, pretty much. Oh, wow. That's barely 10 years old. Yes, super young. And then I realized that, you know, the Mormon Church just wasn't for me. And so I left the church, I left everything behind. I moved to Los Angeles, I was a radio DJ at playboy radio in Los Angeles. Prior to that I was a DJ in Salt Lake City. DJ in Cedar City, Utah. And I loved it, it was great. It brought me to LA introduced me to so many great people. And over time, I realized that I wanted to kind of play my own music instead of other people's music. I did. And here we are today. Now I'm nearly 36 and living my dream and I'm so happy and you know, been doing the music stuff for a decade and a half. So I'm loving it. I'm having a great time. So,

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you know, you left out your amazing athletic career, you were a part of, you know, you were an Olympic level athlete. And the first thing I think when hearing this story is like, how did you do it all? You are a musician. You know, I know you did some acting when you're younger as well. And, you know, you're part of the church, which I'm sure that takes a lot of your energy as well if you because your family sounds pretty active, right?

Unknown Speaker 18:46
Yeah, they Well, they were they're not anymore. Not anymore. Okay. They were definitely at the time. We, you know, I gloss over some things here. They're kind of just so used to being like, this is how I got to here. Yeah, but, but the thing for me was my dad was a very accomplished track athlete. And my parents put me into track and field at a very, very young age. I think I was seven when I got into track, and it was something I grew up with, and I loved it and competed all up until I broke my back, which was in 2004. I tried to compete a little bit after that collegiately but it was just not the same. I definitely wasn't at the same level that I was prior to breaking my back. But that was a huge part of my life. Athletics was the biggest thing for me. So every single, every single sibling that I have, they all play instruments. They are all you know, guitar, drums, everything me I don't because I grew up in athletics. I just said, which is fine. I'll leave all the other to the other. No, but I just seeing and. But that was really, really important to me. And another thing that my parents are really involved in is the film industry. So they have, they own a production company, which we have used to this date to do music videos and such for my band. But they got me into acting at a very young age as well. And so I did commercials. Again, commercials growing up, I did all sorts of, you know, different roles that came through Utah at an at a young age. But it wasn't, it wasn't something that I felt was my passion. It was just something that was kind of there. Natasha was definitely sports music. And then as I got older, the sports thing kind of fell off. Like because I said, I, I did break my back in 2004. And everything just wasn't the same. Yeah, I couldn't bend the same, it took me about a year and a half to even get back to being able to run. So yeah, it was, it was definitely.

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So you did all these things, the acting and you know, you saying and you know, you the sports? Was there ever a time where you're like, you know, you see, you've probably changed along the way. But did you ever think to yourself, I want to be this when I grow up? Or were you kind of just like, well, we'll see what happens.

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My whole life, I would listen to bands, music, any genre really just close my eyes and imagine that I was the singer of that band. And I would, I would imagine my moves on stage and what I would do and how I perform. And it was something that I always dreamed of doing. So I really am living my dream at the moment, I really am. Throughout all the things that I had done in my life, I feel like it was all kind of a stepping block to where I am now. Yeah. And who knows, maybe you know, 15 years. So now I'll do something else. But I guess the music was just a stepping block. But But I do. I do have to say though, that this has always been a huge dream of mine. I remember one of my very first tours was with the you know, incredibly talented Marilyn Manson. And yeah, and I remember playing the huge show was in Edmonton, Canada. I thought then. Yeah, oh, yeah. It's amazing. And I, I stood on stage, it was the very first time that I heard people screaming my lyrics back at me. And I remember that moment, turning around to my band with my jaw to the fucking floor being like, holy shit, this is amazing. And I, I I'll never ever ever forget that date. In fact, your my Facebook memories that came up just recently. As you know, that was a memory. I'll never forget to see. I still have never forgotten the day.

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That's awesome. I have moments like that to where you know, you'll just never forget them. And yeah, mine. I remember walking out to the UFC octagon. My first time each time. It's it's very amazing. It's just, you know, memorable. But the first time you know, like, you know, the first time you heard your audience, scream your lyrics back the first time walking out. And in hearing the fans and feeling that energy. I was like, I've made it. I've made all my hard work has paid off. And I assume it's like a similar situation. similar feeling for you. You're just like, this is the top this is what I want to do all the time.

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Yeah, I mean, it was such a feeling that I had never felt in my life before but always dreamed of feeling. I always dreamed of that, you know, with my headphones in as a kid. I was dreamed of that exact emotion. And when I really felt it, it was unreal. The coolest thing I found my life and I'm sure you can attest to that to it. It's your calling. That is what you are meant to do. Yeah. And I'm sure you know, other people can feel that way in the things that they are meant to do too. And they're living their dreams. And the first time that the directors action the first time that you know a doctor gets to you know, do what they do. Yes.

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You know Yeah, cure disease or something. Yeah, yeah. That's great.

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Yeah, it's such an unreal feeling, I really hope everybody gets to feel that at least one point in their life.

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Yeah. And like you said before, you know, the acting, and, you know, the sports, maybe, maybe you won't be a professional athlete after this. But all the other things that you did just, you know, I tell myself the same thing, it's like, it's not like, we wasted time, who knows where we'll be in 10 years, I can't fight forever, you know, you can probably say, forever, really, that's you got a good gig, you could probably stay in for quite a while. And I don't know, if you're like, jumping off anything until you know, into your 70s or 80s. But you can sing for quite some time. But who knows, maybe you go into acting afterwards. And you know, that stepping stone was actually, you know, a chapter that you're going to revisit later in life. And, and that's what makes life great, I think is, you know, we're living our dreams right now. And I'm very grateful. And I hope that everyone listening to this actually gets to that point in their life to where they, you know, their dreams are realized. But um, that's amazing. That's so cool. So I want to talk about your first marriage, or I'm sorry, maybe only marriage.

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What is the only one? Only one? Okay, okay.

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So you were 1920? You know, probably the, you know, I could probably guess what happened, you were too young, yada, yada. But for the sake of, you know, the show what, what happened? What went wrong?

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Oh, I think, you know, it's pretty obvious. It's just something that happened too fast, too young. But at the same time, growing up the way that I did grow up, it was a social norm, and kind of a social pressure to be forced into feeling like, Oh, you are past the age of 18. And you gave someone for a lengthy amount of time, whether it's six months or two years, or whatever the case may be every year. Yeah, at that time. And every, every single person in your life is saying, okay, so you guys can get married and have kids. And I think that that was that was how it was for me. Being a and I and I said, you know, I'm the oldest of six kids, I was the oldest and my parents. Well, my parents were not those people. My parents were not saying, Are you going to get married? Are you going to get married? It was the other social aspect? Friends? Yeah. Friends, family. You know, like, a society basically. What was

Unknown Speaker 27:39
that? Sorry? Probably what you're gonna say right now? Was it more because of the church and religion or Utah? I don't know what it's like in Utah.

Unknown Speaker 27:47
Yeah, no, it's it's it's the church and religion. So when, when you are 25 and unmarried in Utah, and in the Mormon religion, you're basically a menace to society. least that's how it was, for me growing up. And I can't speak to how it is now because I left the church such a long time ago. But that's how it was at the time. And people really thought that, oh, if you don't get married at a young age, something's wrong with you. And so I did, I got married at a very, very young, vulnerable age. I got married in the Mormon temple. So the Mormon temple is just, it's so secretive. They have such a secret, I guess a society behind it and you are privileged to go through and see all these things inside the temple. And I remember falling asleep during it that goes to show how often

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to the religion you were at the time Yeah, so I'm not well versed in religion. I'm you know, if I had put a label on it, I would say agnostic, you know, I'm just we are we are kind of situation to each their own.

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But I am now Yeah, you know, you

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want to be Mormon. Cool. Let me just be me. You be you. But yeah, so I'm wondering, did you get married? Well, okay, so you're probably not supposed to have premarital sex. And so my question is, after you got married, did you then lose your virginity? Or was that did you not you know, cuz I know you're a rebel, snuck out to the skate park and all that

Unknown Speaker 29:31
much prior to that time in my life. You know, being kind of the like, rebellious kid, I guess. It's not rebellious in real standard life, to be honest. That's a normal kid. Yeah. In the standard that I grew up in, it was rebellious. And now that was something that happened probably. I think it was like 16 or 17, around that age, maybe 17. And we tried my you know, before getting married, that was definitely something where you have to go in and repent for your sins. And then become the there's a man who tells you when you are eligible again, to be married in the temple because you're worthy enough.

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Anyway. Oh, sorry, I got a I got a question. Are you saying that you were deflowered? And then you went, and you were like, Hey, you know, Minister, you know, religious figure, you know, I've done this, you know, sin, when can I, you know, get married? Is that kind of the situation?

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Yeah, basically. So, there's, you have to go and you confess your sin, as they say, who a bishop and the bishop, that he decides when you are worthy again, to get married, or go to the temple, or as a kid go on a mission or any any of these things. And to hold a temple recommend to, as kids pass the sacrament like young kids. So this is something that is drilled into your head from a young age. And like I said, it's a man like it's mostly a men's world in the Mormon religion, and then kind of make the decision as to when you get to this when you get to do that. And it's, it's, I've been out of it for almost 20 years. So you have to understand that my experience was my experience. I don't know what kids experience. Now. You're not exactly sure. I have heard that things have sort of changed in the church, but I'm not fully interested in how much they have changed, because I don't like that type of control, or where you tell someone who they're supposed to be how they're supposed to dress and especially how they're supposed to talk. I believe that individuality and I think that that was something that was not a part of my upbringing. Yeah. individuality

Unknown Speaker 32:27
when the Mormon is lacking. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So going along your romantic and sexual journey. You got married at a young age? How long? Did you guys stay married for?

Unknown Speaker 32:40
Less than a year?

Unknown Speaker 32:42
Less than a year? And this is probably where you went to college? Right?

Unknown Speaker 32:47
No, I was in college at the time. So I was a, I was a sophomore in college. So 19, sophomore in college. And it was, it was just a big part of my college career was, Oh, I'm dating this guy. I'm going to be married. I only spent one year after that. Actually, in college. I did the rest of it online. Because I had a job after that, that I wanted to take. And so I view a lot of my college upbringing, as you know, kind of in that pickle, if you will,

Unknown Speaker 33:25
so you never got to be single in college.

Unknown Speaker 33:28
No, not really. Oh, man. Yeah, I know. Weird, right?

Unknown Speaker 33:34
I read that. Yeah, college is such a time for exploration and meeting new people. And, you know, like, I am not using my actual degree, but the things that I learned in college and the people that I met and, you know, my sports career, it's just invaluable. And, you know, I tell you know, all the young girls or boys, anyone I talked to, I'm like, go to college. It's such a great time of your life. And, you know,

Unknown Speaker 33:57
I have I do agree with you. I do agree with you on that, for sure. I mean, even to this day, I'm so one of my best friends. While my best friend in college is in my wedding. My best friend in college, she lives across the street from me now. And so I love to see her. Yeah, I get to see her all the time. And, and, you know, we did spend a good long time away from each other. She lived in Las Vegas. I lived in LA, she would come visit me some time. But you know, I just moved to Las Vegas, and I moved coincidentally across the street from her so we get to hang out but I mean, the relationships they build the lessons I learned are definitely invaluable. I, I learned so so so much. And I am grateful that I went through that experience because I do feel like I learned a lot I learned a lot about myself had I not gone through those kind of experiences. I don't think it would be where I am today. So I don't think that I would have, you know, taken the the on the impasse in that religion. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 35:11
I was sorry.

Unknown Speaker 35:13
No, I was just so turned off by everything better represented that I think that I felt like I needed to be an extremist and go the exact opposite. So I started a metal band and I ran towards Marilyn Manson.

Unknown Speaker 35:31
Yeah, in college, I'm sure it was such a change because you're in Provo, Utah, you know, surrounded by the Mormon religion. And then you go to college, and you just got this eclectic group of people of different ethnic, ethnic, ethnic ethnicities and backgrounds and religions. Yeah, and all that. And so, I was just, I was wondering if you got to explore sexually as well as, you know, sports wise, and friendship and all that, but you didn't, and I'm just dang it like, so when you got divorced with you know, your ex husband? Did you have that phase where it was like,

Unknown Speaker 36:07

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I need to kind of be free. And, you know, for lack of better term, slit it up a little bit.

Unknown Speaker 36:16
I mean, yeah. In my, in my early 20s, I definitely made up for lost time. I did. And I think that everyone should, in some way or another, and I actually just had a conversation with a gal pal of mine that is around my age now. And she's never been single till now. And I'm like, Girl, you need to go out. You need to have sex with people. Go do your own thing. Yeah. Don't think about, you know, just go pretend your teenager. Yeah, be selfish, do you? Yeah. Because, you know, we got experience, most of us experience that at a very young age, to where now it's like, okay, I live my life now. But I, but back in the day, man, it was just that I needed that to learn and to grow, to learn about myself, to learn about other people to learn just about I guess, in the way of what makes people tick, you know, and I needed to learn all that. And I'm glad that I did. I'm really glad and and you know, like I said, I'm glad I went through the things I went through. So I would have the notion and the, I guess, the need the need for speed. The need to go out and experience these things. Who made me who I am today?

Unknown Speaker 37:49

Unknown Speaker 37:50
I'm happy you I guess there's that term like soldier Wild Oats type of situation. I do know that. You're currently in a relationship. And tell us about it. How long have you guys been together? How'd you meet?

Unknown Speaker 38:05
We've been together for almost 10 years. Nine it's nine years we are celebrating our nine year anniversary right now actually. And we yet Thank you. It's gone by really, really fucking fast. And we started dating as an accident. So he's in my band. Or, or you can say I'm in his band, whatever. But we plan it we started this together. And he we that's that's kind of how we met. weird thing. He doesn't really remember this, but I used to talk to him on my space.

Unknown Speaker 38:51
My Space. We're dating ourselves right now. All the younger listeners are like, what's my space?

Unknown Speaker 38:59
What is this? space? Yeah, you speak of? So I remember seeing his pictures and commenting on his photos. When are we gonna fall in love kind of as a you know?

Unknown Speaker 39:13
Ooh, coming on strong. I like

Unknown Speaker 39:17
oh, yeah, totally. I would never act like that in person to him but I did over the internet. Oh, you're sure you know how it was back in the day, like know who you were and you're like, I'm gonna say whatever I can for virtual courage. Yes, of course. And when we actually met, so, the my co vocalist in butcher babies she knew Henry my dude. Years and years prior to they both worked at playboy together. weird thing. Y'all worked at playboy, but it's separate time, but they worked at playboy together separate time. He had met him through other people at playboy, I guess. And knew he was a heavy metal guy. And we were starting a band. And he wanted to invite him to potentially play guitar with us. And I remember him showing up at our studio. And I was like, Oh my god, I just told him.

Unknown Speaker 40:24
But he didn't remember.

Unknown Speaker 40:29
He's like, this did not happen. I'm like, Bro, I had my like, if I if my space were still around, I could go find that comment. And you're like, why would

Unknown Speaker 40:38
I make this up and make myself look Goofy, you know? Like, like, make up a story about me being ignored, or, you know, like you did response. That's not a cool story.

Unknown Speaker 40:50
He just, he doesn't remember, but like, I would totally like, I was totally hidden on him through my face. And he had actually seen my band prior to butcher babies play. So he knew who I was from that, but he didn't put two and two together, I guess. I don't know exactly what went on with that. But when he showed up to the studio, that, Oh, my God, I know him. And, and we became best friends from that we just, you know, we'd hang out I had a boyfriend. Not at the time, I was saying that stuff to them. But like, shortly after break, when I met him, I had a boyfriend for a short amount of time. And he became great friends with me and my boyfriend would hang out with us from stay at our house and stuff. And then I became single, he became single and shit happened. Sometimes best friends that just happen.

Unknown Speaker 41:53
So so they say. They say the best relation? Yeah, to start as friends.

Unknown Speaker 41:59
Yeah. And we kept it a secret for several years. I mean, people knew, but we we tried to keep it a secret because in our industry, you know, people don't approve of that. It's more lacks now than it was, you know, almost a decade ago. But people are not cool. With people in bands being together. They think that your managers don't want to work with them. Because the band may break up labels and be like, Oh my god, the band will break up if that singer and guitar player together. Yeah, he kept it a secret for several years. And then once we finally outed with it, people

Unknown Speaker 42:40
he knew

Unknown Speaker 42:42
the price of Brian.

Unknown Speaker 42:44
Yeah, I mean, we're open with it. But it's not something we just shove down everyone's throats. Just because the private life again. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 42:51
yeah. Well, I want this This changes everything I wanted to ask you like, about like crazy. Sexual tour experiences, you know, you know, they're crazy. Fans go crazy. Like, do you have any groupies. But now I'm like, What? If she was in the band with someone? She was dating the whole time, but there was a little little lag. Right. You know, you you broke up with your ex. Ah,

Unknown Speaker 43:15
yeah. So,

Unknown Speaker 43:15
you know, I want to know, did dating him in the band? Kind of? what's the word I'm looking for? I mean, did you have any crazy, you know, touring stories, anything that like happened before you guys dated?

Unknown Speaker 43:31
Well, I think not really, because we started dating before we started trying heavily. And it was always like I said, a secret. So there were people that would, you know, come up to the merge booth because we we used to go out to the merch booth after every show and meet people and they'd say, they'd say all kinds of stuff and it was so chill. Like, I've we've had dudes in our band where their girlfriends was communist. You know, girls or even guys would say something to the dude. their girlfriends would get all fucking crazy and like, I die. You ever like that? He always He always was like, cool. People look my tickets awesome. He's still like, like, it's not a big deal. He's walking down the stairs right now.

Unknown Speaker 44:25
That's no, because I think jealousy is one of the biggest turn offs. I don't I don't know how you feel about it. But like just a secure man. Who knows? Like, Hey, I'm dating a beautiful woman. Of course, like Surprise, surprise, other men or women are gonna want to talk to her and look at her and maybe touch her but, you know, as long as you don't touch, you know, it's it's a it's a compliment. You know, it's flattering. It's like, Yes, I get to go home with this beautiful woman every night. You know?

Unknown Speaker 44:54
Absolutely. And the thing is, is like when we were secretive, We would sneak off. You know, I like there were times in other parts of the country we just sneak off after, like the main band is playing and we'd sneak around and sneak off by ourselves and have our own thing. Yeah, there was never any sort of like weird group experience. So the thing about females in metal, and this is very interesting, because there are of course, you know, men who say things, but there are no, there's not really a thing such thing as like, groupies, men who are due to hang around, in hopes to being the singer. It's not like that. We, we don't, we don't get that it's very odd. And any, I guess maybe it's different other bands, but butcher babies just don't have that. I think in our fan base is a little bit older. So they'll Sure there might be a couple people who say share online like Oh, man, like, sit on my face or whatever? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 46:14
Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 46:15
It would never say that to us in person. And I think a lot of that has to do with the persona that we have on stage, like onstage. It is very, you will respect me. I'm a strong Southern female. And this is my stage when you cross the line. And I think that that respect comes off the stage too, for the most part. So it's never we've had we've had people give us beautiful gifts galore. But it's never been weird.

Unknown Speaker 46:48
Nothing demeaning, nothing. inappropriate.

Unknown Speaker 46:53
Well, I mean, if it were appropriate, you know, it's never it's just never happened like that. That's cool. Well, all right. Well, I know weird, right? Yeah. Well, but

Unknown Speaker 47:04
I like this because I'm like, I know that you and Henry his his name? Yeah. And okay, you gotta tell us, what's one of your favorite memories with Henry, where you snuck away, maybe during a band was playing, maybe you're in a different country, maybe you were, you know, did it in a crazy place, like, what's one of your favorite sexual memories with Henry.

Unknown Speaker 47:33
See, because there's so many I

Unknown Speaker 47:36
don't know, you've really,

Unknown Speaker 47:38
one thing we really love to do is at the end of a tour stay a little bit longer in different cities. And so we have stayed in Paris, a little bit longer than the rest of the band, among other cities. Yeah. But this one, in particular was really beautiful. And I think really solidified our relationship because it was towards the beginning of our relationship. We had played the Download Festival. And we toured all over the UK. And afterwards, like, let's just, let's go to Paris and hang out for a week. And it was just the most beautiful thing of is in the middle of the summer, the weather was perfect. I remember drinking, like getting a bottle of wine, each, of course, and drinking wine on the CN River. And there was just beautiful music playing fireworks and, and boats going down the river with all their lights and stuff. And I think this may have been a special time in Paris because they also had a party in front of the notary game. And it was, it was a beautiful time for us. I think we really, really fell in love in Paris. Like we didn't have any like date around. But before that, but I think we really fell in love in Paris at that time.

Unknown Speaker 49:12
That's awesome. Yeah, that's extremely memorable. Because, you know, there's that there's always that point, when you first start dating, you're like, Oh, can this be something real? Do I see a future with this person? Or is it just kind of, you know, fun, and,

Unknown Speaker 49:24

Unknown Speaker 49:24
know, memories. And, you know, now, I don't want a stepping stone. But

Unknown Speaker 49:28

Unknown Speaker 49:29
you know, we meet a lot of people along the way that we can kind of grow with, but they're not our forever partner, right?

Unknown Speaker 49:37
Yes. Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 49:38
This might have been that moment where you realize this is my forever partner, and I want to be with him. You no longer?

Unknown Speaker 49:45
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It definitely felt that at that moment. And I think it's very memorable for both of us in that way. And it was really hard to keep it a secret from everyone after all that because was something that was real for us and something that meant a lot to us. It wasn't just this fleeting thing like, woo woo, you were in a band together as we might have a little bang call of what it is and break up. And, you know, it was it was it, it kind of like, crossed the path that we both wanted and felt right about. And I guess the longevity of our relationship kind of is a is a test that. And I'm not saying there haven't been trials along the way. I mean, of course, it's you work together, you live together, we do everything together. Yeah. And so there have been times where it's been difficult. And there have I mean, we've broken up once. And it was a couple of months. And both of us started dating other people, but both of us. In the end were like, well, that other person, isn't you? Yeah. So that it didn't like, the old their only thought was they're not like that dude. The Dude, you're dating has only fought with your memory? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 51:02
yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, not, not like I'm recommending, like everybody breakup date someone else just to see if you know, the person is, you know, is the one. But I'm kind of thinking maybe that's great. Because it's like, you're with someone for so long. You start to have some problems, you break up, you go test the waters elsewhere, and then you just solidifies No, no, we just needed to work some things out. This is who I really want to be with their worth work, you know, hashing it out working on was communicating?

Unknown Speaker 51:31
Absolutely. And I think for us, at that moment, it will for me personally, it was, we had been together for five ish years. And I was at the point where I was like, is this only together? Because when the band kind of, you know, the thoughts that come along, are you only together because of this? Yeah, yeah. And in what I hadn't realized is that he is my creative partner, among everything else, you know, sit up at night, and just fucking laugh her asses off at every little thing. Or, you know, he knows more about me. He knows more about me. He knows more about my body. He knows more about everything about me than anyone else in this world. But there's just that moment where you're like, Oh, shit, this gig. Man. Is this for real? only hurt. salya Yeah, yeah. And I'm glad we went through that. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 52:29
yeah. It's weird to say like I said, it's not like I recommend it for everyone. But you went out you tested the waters and it solidified and this is the person you want to be with.

Unknown Speaker 52:39
So you know, one I had a fight for him, too. I had a fight ticket bring to bring them back. Oh, I did. I had. Yeah, it was wild. I had to just like really? Like this is because I was the one who called it off at first. And then I was just like,

Unknown Speaker 52:55

Unknown Speaker 52:58
my edify hard.

Unknown Speaker 53:01
Are we talking physically or like,

Unknown Speaker 53:04
oh, man, no, no. Okay. I didn't have the opportunity. I would have. So you're not a violent? Oh, you're not? Oh, well,

Unknown Speaker 53:17
I mean, well,

Unknown Speaker 53:19
I mean, if push comes to shove,

Unknown Speaker 53:22
you have such a strong stage presence, you know, and I know it's, you know, an act as well you know, acting slash, you know, playing a part, but it's, you know, part of the music and you're moved in that moment, but I'm like, I feel like this girl could kick some ass. I really do.

Unknown Speaker 53:40
Well, I did grow up, you know, with sports is a huge part of my life and not just running and everything but weight training. And there was one point some girl said something shitty to me at the merch booth. And I was just not having a good day. I was like, oh, get you better get it here before I kick your fucking ass.

Unknown Speaker 54:18
I've never lost my shit like that again. But I'm sure if push came to shove, I could hold my own but I'll reserve that for when it's necessary.

Unknown Speaker 54:31
You leave that to me. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 54:33

Unknown Speaker 54:35
I'll be there in your corner cheering me on.

Unknown Speaker 54:38
Thank you,

Unknown Speaker 54:38
if you have me in at any time, if you want all right.

Unknown Speaker 54:43
So you will

Unknown Speaker 54:44
you and Henry, you know, we get to the poor, the part of the episode where, you know, very personal. What are some things that Harry does that you just automatically turned on?

Unknown Speaker 54:58
You know, I think It's hard to like put like a full on finger on it. Yeah, it's

Unknown Speaker 55:08
a lot of things really?

Unknown Speaker 55:12
Well, yeah. After, after all this time. Yeah, but I think probably humor. Yeah, really funny. And you know, what's really interesting is that I've only been able to actually watch him play guitar onstage less than a handful of times, because we're usually playing together. Oh, yeah, he'll do little guest spots with other people. And I'm like, Oh, my God, he's so sexy. Lane is playing those eight strings like that. Wow, very technical guitar player. And I totally respect his talent in that. And I think that that is something that is always a huge turnoff to me. And when we get to create together, and we create something beautiful, he and I will sit in our studio, and we'll write, and he'll record my vocals. And he'll work with me and play his guitar. And I think the creative process for us, for me, is the most beautiful thing, the biggest turnout that I have in our relationship, I just love being able to create with him. And I don't think that that's very, I don't think that that's something that every relationship has where you get to be creative together. And that aspect. No, and I've never had it before. And I fully respect you know, all other things, but I think that's my love language.

Unknown Speaker 56:41
That's also Yeah, that's that would be probably what like quality time, you know, love language. And I don't know that that's a good one. My closest relation to that situation would be working hard with my partner. So my partner is a black belt in jujitsu, you know, so yeah, he teaches me Jiu Jitsu in order for me to win my fights. And that's just the way to my heart, you know, helping me with my passion, something I love, and he's bettering me as a as a, you know, athlete, but essentially as a human and, and then we're sweating together, and we're working, we're lifting and we're running. And I'm like, that is my love language, whatever the fuck that.

Unknown Speaker 57:24
I mean, even today, so we went snowboarding today, and I haven't been snowboarding in like, 14 years, and I've only been once even though I'm from Utah. I was just, I was an athlete. I wasn't allowed to go. Yes, I break something. And you know, yes.

Unknown Speaker 57:41
I wasn't allowed to skateboard.

Unknown Speaker 57:44
Yeah, anything. Like it's like, you live a sheltered life as an athlete. Many people don't understand that. But he, he is, he is a skier and he was an amazing scared grew up just every time every chance he got and so we're up there together and I'm falling on my ass all fucking day. And he's up there. Says I got you, you can do this. Just give me this bombs every time I get a good run in you know, and it's just so like, special is that, to me, is so empowering. And I think that we get to create or you get to have your times like that together. And you're right. It's quality time. I think that that's the most important for me.

Unknown Speaker 58:27
Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, so it's time for the lightning sex round. Are you familiar with this lightning six round situation?

Unknown Speaker 58:47
I mean, you kind of explained it.

Unknown Speaker 58:49
I'll explain it again. I

Unknown Speaker 58:50
say yes or no.

Unknown Speaker 58:51
Yeah. So I'm gonna just rattle off one word, phrase or sentence and you just say yes or no, kind of like rapid fire.

Unknown Speaker 58:59
Okay, okay.

Unknown Speaker 59:00
So here we go. Lightning

Unknown Speaker 59:02
shot before this.

Unknown Speaker 59:03

Unknown Speaker 59:04
I'll pause Whoa, okay. Why I have some fireball right here. Here we go. Whoo. I love it. All right. Let's do it.

Unknown Speaker 59:16
Awesome. Okay, food. Good choice of the fireball. Okay, so lightning sex Ram. Do you dirty talk in bed? Wait, what do you dirty talk in bed? Yes. Okay. Spank or like to be spanked. Man

Unknown Speaker 59:35

Unknown Speaker 59:39

Unknown Speaker 59:41
Sure. threesomes

Unknown Speaker 59:44
Yes. Do you watch porn? Yes,

Unknown Speaker 59:48
any fetishes like foot fetish?

Unknown Speaker 59:51

Unknown Speaker 59:52
bodily fluid fetish.

Unknown Speaker 59:54
No roleplaying?

Unknown Speaker 59:58

Unknown Speaker 59:59
but still on you or a partner?

Unknown Speaker 1:00:02
You see, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:04
Do you use sex toys? Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:08
Have you ever been to a sex club or a swingers party?

Unknown Speaker 1:00:12
Fuck yeah. Damn, man who?

Unknown Speaker 1:00:15
Last one. Are

Unknown Speaker 1:00:16
you like Bert? I had my birthday party one year was a sex party for good.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:22
I did work at playboy and I'm just like, I feel like there's just so much we could dive into the

Unknown Speaker 1:00:29
maybe another episode.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:31
Yeah, there we go. All right. Are

Unknown Speaker 1:00:33
you a lingerie lover?

Unknown Speaker 1:00:36
A way

Unknown Speaker 1:00:37

Unknown Speaker 1:00:39
Oh, lingerie lover? No. Okay, straight from close, like, close to naked. Get me there.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:45
I know. I know. We don't need one more step. Right, maybe.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:48
And maybe that's because I've been in a relationship for so long. But even in prior relationships, it's just wasn't something that was important to me.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:55
Yeah, it's just, you know, if we had to have a guy put on a goddamn garter belt, they would never ask us to wear lingerie again, you know?

Unknown Speaker 1:01:04
Oh, my God. No, you know what? So I'll go back to playboy radio here for just a second going back this segment called. Like, what are you wearing or whatever. I remember what it was called. But I had to describe my underwear. Every day. I'm like, basic at bitch black shirt. The song he felt like

Unknown Speaker 1:01:30
he probably started making stuff up. You're like, turquoise ruffles with a heart and some glitter.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:37
Yeah, I'm like, you know that like crease right above your butt crack at the heart? Yeah. everyday. It's laundry day. Yeah, lazy as possible. None.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:49
I mean, that's usually what I'm rocking but whatever.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:53

Unknown Speaker 1:01:55
Okay, so it is now time for Fuck, Marry, Kill.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:07
Kill one go. I think we're done. You're done. You're done. Okay, I love this game. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 1:02:12
so you get three names get to choose who you want to fuck who you want to marry who you want to kill. And you're awesome. Really awesome. You know sometimes Pat and Dan Kenny who are my creative associates they come up with ones that I'm like, Oh, you guys are just a holes but they gave you a good a good list. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:30
Hot. Okay. Here we go.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:32
James Hetfield of Metallica Tom Arabia of a slayer. Araya and Phil

Unknown Speaker 1:02:42
and Selma pentair. on Fox Hill. Kill Tom. Merry Papa hat. All right.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:57
You're on boy.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:59
Awesome. Game tackle just like he's he is the ultimate like, badass metal Dude, that has like, a house in Vail.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:10
You know what? It's weird for me because I personally so quick, quick, you know, quick story is uh, you know, I had my funny little Hansen Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears phase, like, you know, 11 years old 12. And then I found Green Day, and I was like, boom, my whole world opened up with Green Day. And I just fell in love with punk rock, but I was raised on Metallica and Aerosmith and Def Leppard and scorpions and all that. And my first concert was a summer sanitarium tour, Metallica was headlining and I was really into corn at the time who opened for them, and it was pacbell Park in San Francisco. And so, I look at James Hetfield, and I see my dad, so when you said Mary James, I'm like, I can't do it, dad. But Dad,

Unknown Speaker 1:04:01
I get that, sir. I just I've toured with Phil. So it was between James and Phil. I've toured with Phil, and he's a fucking coolest dude, but I did see him so much as like a friend. I've just I've never toured with James Yeah, so

Unknown Speaker 1:04:20
good picture. You just not gonna get

Unknown Speaker 1:04:22
that. Okay, so I'm just gonna cut you off for a second. My very first concert was Backstreet Boys. So all right, and and all the years that I've toured and done anything I have to say, my favorite concert out front row, Green Day, and I it was my batch like in the middle of my bachelorette party, so I was still single. And I love I was trying to reach for Billy Joel's Wiener the whole time. I now When if people try and touch me in the front row, I hate it. And I was that girl. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 1:05:07
God really done a 180

Unknown Speaker 1:05:11
But so, but I was that girl and he was like gyrating against his guitar like, ah, give me that.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:20
You're like 18 years old?

Unknown Speaker 1:05:23
Yeah, I don't really I was. Oh, it was great, though. That's my best friend that I live across the street from now. Yes, we went to that together anyway, so

Unknown Speaker 1:05:32
that's okay. It's our guilty pleasures. You know, it's like, Hanson bop, you know, and it just like it brings you back to that moment. And you remember being just like an innocent kid before life kind of kicks in and you're just like, those are good memories.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:46
I just I imagined back in the day that I was going to be a Spice Girl marrying Taylor Hansen. That was my whole life. Okay, fuck, Marry, Kill. Here we go.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:58
Oh, you're doing the fuck, marry kill. Now we just want to finish up with a few fan questions. Are you ready?

Unknown Speaker 1:06:10
Oh, yes, of course.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:11
Okay, at Taylor llorens with three Z's wants to know how many times has she been flashed on stage? Even being a female?

Unknown Speaker 1:06:22
Oh, man, how many times it? I can't even count. So I my very Okay, so I've been flashed on stage more times than I can count. And it's awesome. Cool. I'm all about it. Like, show me the movies. Yeah, I'm all about it. We all are. We're just like, we love it. The funny thing is, is when people, not people, men, girls never do this to us. But some dudes will yell at us shows us. So we tell them to show us their kit. And typically it's a truffle shuffle situation. We make them truffle shuffle. Now my first time showing my kids data show down. Download fast 2012 we were playing. And we played our stage. I think maybe we had already played or we were playing the next day. I'm not sure. But lamma God was playing the mainstage so Henry being the awesome dude. He is. Put me on it. I was like, I'm gonna show my kids that cool. Cool. He puts me on your shoulders. Yeah, we had a shoulder and I put my shirt above my head. So no one could really see it with me. And we kind of were towards the front. And I got on the jumbo screen with my boobs out. And you know what I'm friends with the guys and lamb of God and none of them notice that I did. That was a huge accomplishment for me. I got on the jumbotron. No one in the crowd knew it was you know the girl from butcher babies even though they probably wouldn't have given a shit anyways. But

Unknown Speaker 1:08:16
I have very identifying tattoos, even underneath my shirt, so they'd be like, those are actually today's

Unknown Speaker 1:08:25
Yeah, yeah. Good every time I get in. So at the time, I was just like, bare skin. I'm like, yeah. Now throw.

Unknown Speaker 1:08:35
Awesome. Okay. This one is from at metal, Mike. Oh, two one. Can she tell us about the belly button mystery. What the heck is he talking about?

Unknown Speaker 1:08:48
Well, it's not really a mystery. But if you have seen any pictures of me in a bikini, or I wear I like to wear crop tops on stage all the time because I'm not afraid of my battle wounds. But I have a large scar. It's about eight inches. It goes just right underneath my sternum all the way down past where your belly button should be. And it's just a scar. So I was born inside out. Well, it's a birth defect. Yeah. It's a birth defect called gastric diseases. And the survival rate even to this day is not that high. And so I have always rocked a crop top or whatever, because I just don't care. I guess. I'm a Lamb of God, they probably could have seen me with my fucking top off and been like, oh, that chick is brutal with the scar from the butcher. But, but I've just, you know, to me, I've had it my entire life. I've never had a belly button. I've always had a big scar. And that scar saved my life, especially being born and 1985 I was the very first case of gastroschisis that they had ever heard of in Utah. And so, yeah, it was, it was rare, they had a fly in a specialist from out of state. And they sewed me up. But they didn't just like, oh, here, let's throw her guts inside of her body. And so her up. What happened is I was in the hospital for three months after I was born. And they put my guts in a giant bag, my pictures of it, and I've posted this on my social media many, many times. But I put my, they put my guts in a bag, and every two weeks, they would just roll the back. And the guts would just settle inside my body. And then finally, they sewed me up. And I lived I'm super fucking lucky. And a miracle in that sense, I guess you can say cuz it was very rare to live from that. And yeah, it's amazing. And I met I've met so many great people in the gastroschisis community, so many amazing metal heads that are like, I also had gastroschisis. You know, one, one beautiful lady wrote me just the other day saying that she's having a son and her son is being born with gastroschisis, which is an you know, she was looking to my success story as a positive for her. And I feel very grateful for that, you know, in 1985, my doctors didn't do any sonogram. So they didn't know that I was even coming out like that. They had no idea. So and that was my mom's firstborn. And so I came out with guts all over the place. And my mom's like, are they supposed to look like

Unknown Speaker 1:11:47
this one's broken?

Unknown Speaker 1:11:56
You know, it's been something I've had my entire life, you know, throughout my entire everything. So I will say this. So, I was a, you know, a child actor, and I had all sorts of different roles, but they didn't really show my stomach. But as they got older and started wearing bikinis to the swimming pool, and all this kind of stuff, people started saying stuff and I never realized oh, shit. Like, was a belly button. Or was it worse? Like, what what does it do? And I was kind of, not like, shunned, but people looked at me weird, of course. But I always had this. I don't care. I don't need one type of emotion about it. And it wasn't until my adult life that it really started to affect me. I used to work for Rockstar energy drink. And I was doing a and it wasn't Rockstar. It was it was a it was a colleague of theirs who worked for I think it was like, it was one of the motorcross companies anyways. I was one of the girls just wearing a scantily clad outfit. My boss was super fucking cool. She was all about, she'll your scar babe, that's your battle wound like she was awesome. Rockstar treated me really well at that. And it was the TV station. They came up and they were like, We can't have her on TV. She doesn't have a belly button. Why they fucking fired me dude. I got fired. Or what? No, you know, I, that was the first time. I mean, I at that time of my life, I had worked for the TV show mentors, showing my stomach. I had worked in a plethora of modeling things. And I had that was after I'd worked at playboy, like no one gave a shit about my scars in a big way. I didn't show anything, but it wasn't a big deal. I would go to their parties and dress. However I wanted. But it wasn't a big deal until that very moment. And I got fired from that TV shoot because of my scar. And I was so pissed off. I called the dude an asshole in front of everybody was like

Unknown Speaker 1:14:26
the least I would do.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:28
I just felt so vindicated. And like everyone was so mad at me. Everyone was so mad, like, I can't believe you do the Google. And all these years later, like I'm still great friends with the girls and day have been like, like looking back like I'm sorry, you had to go through something like that, you know, we've all been discriminated because of something about us whether it's like, oh, my notes was weird or meet yours point in a weird direction. Like all of us have little things here and there that are different about us. And I think that that's what makes us beautiful. And that's it. Make just really one of a kind and I am grateful for my lack of a bellybutton. I'm grateful for my scars. I'm grateful to tell my story that, you know, I serve I fucking survived that. And I'm not only survived but I went on to do all these awesome fucking things. Life can happen after a birth defect you're supposed to die from anything anything

Unknown Speaker 1:15:28
beyond inspired right now like I was already kind of like this girl right? But I'm like, by the way all this cool stuff and I was not supposed to survive but so you kicked ass in life You're still kicking us in life. Heidi, thank you so much for being on the show. Where can we find you on social media? I also know that you guys just released a new single right?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:50
Yeah, we did. We just released a third single we have a couple others behind it. The new ones called Yorktown on social media I'm Heidi the butcher but you know how you Shepherd but anything under butcher babies you'll be able to find me I I kind of I you know, run all this stuff. And I love it. You just I love I love communicating with people online. So say hi,

Unknown Speaker 1:16:19
Heidi. I feel inspired. I feel like I just want to go out and do something.

Unknown Speaker 1:16:25
Oh, thanks, babe. You have

Unknown Speaker 1:16:27
made the most

Unknown Speaker 1:16:28
of your time on this earth. And I know you're gonna continue to do awesome things. I'm gonna keep following you. Hope to meet you in person someday. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Unknown Speaker 1:16:39
Oh my god. Thank you so much. I've been I've been looking forward to this and it's so awesome to chit chat with you. And I'm so Dan. I'm so glad that Dan made the connection. Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan.

Unknown Speaker 1:16:50
That's right, girl. Talk to you soon. Okay. All right. Thanks,

Unknown Speaker 1:16:54
Dave. I'll talk to you soon bye.

Unknown Speaker 1:17:18
Do you think?

Unknown Speaker 1:18:43
Well, whether you're a head big metal head or not, that was interesting, and inspiring as hell. huge thank you to Heidi for holding nothing back and letting us in on her life personally and professionally. It's always great to hear multitalented individuals who have overcome obstacles. Because at the end of the day, it gives us hope and reminds us that we're all struggling. We all have unexpected shit happen to us. And we're capable of success no matter what life throws at us. So thank you guys so much for tuning in. And for all your fan questions. Remember, Be kind, be grateful. But don't take any shit from anyone. Hope you enjoyed another episode of sex and violence with me rebel girl and a special thank you to our audio engineer DJ soul at DJ zol tomorrow Good studio at tomorrow kids official producer Nate Jackson at nature Domus, and you can find us on Instagram at sex and violence with rebel girl and myself at Ashley MMA.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:43

Unknown Speaker 1:19:43
please follow our backup account on Instagram. It's called at sex and violence with rebel girl to number two at the end. Because sometimes we piss people off and we just want to stay in contact with you guys. In case we ever get cancelled, which we hope we do not so subscribe. To this podcast in tune in next week to hear more tales of sex

Unknown Speaker 1:20:03

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